The Tree of Life
Release date: May 27, 2011
Uh, what? Don't get me wrong -- this looks like it might be the most beautifully shot film I've ever seen. But ... what? Director Terrence Malick's movie is described as, "The tale of a Texas boy's journey from the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as a 'lost soul in the modern world,' and his quest to regain meaning in life." I'm assuming the concept of "less is more" doesn't apply here.
Release date: TBA
What did I say about tying Dane Cook to a raft and pushing him out to sea? Is NO ONE reading this blog? It's like douche-b Joseph Khan (director of Torque and a shitload of music videos [what are those?]) sat down with his friends and said, "I like Scream. I like The Breakfast Club. How come nobody combined them into one disappointing movie?" Still, Patrick will go see it on opening day. YOU'RE WELCOME
Release date: April 8, 2011
Remember in grade school when your teacher would take the class to the computer lab for some "home keys" exercises on the bank of beige Apple IIe's? Then, if there was time, she (I'm assuming your teacher was a woman) would let you pick a game to play for the last part of the lesson? The most popular was always Oregon Trail. You'd race to the front of the class to grab the big 5-1/4" floppy disc, beating out some poor sucker who got stuck with Number Munchers or Car Builder. Your friends would gather around as you'd start the game, asking that you name members of your virtual family after them -- Joe, Danny, Scott. As your wagon train made its way across the untamed west, these characters would eventually die off. If you were mean-spirited, you'd name the weakest member of your clan after that girl everyone picked on. Then, when she invariably succumbed to typhoid or snakebite in the first few miles, all the bullies in class would laugh and point. She might cry, and, deep inside, you'd feel bad. Hunting was always exciting, even though you never could control the direction of the gun. If a big, slow bear didn't walk onscreen, your family would have to sell an oxen at the next depot in order to buy some jerky. Unfortunately, there was never enough time to finish the game, so you rarely got to see how it ended. That pretty much describes the trailer for Meek's Cutoff.