by Patrick Bromley
1. RoboCop (1987) - Evil henchman Anotowsky (Paul McCrane) gets doused in toxic waste and then explodes when he's hit by a truck. Watch closely for his head rolling up the windshield. I'll buy that for a dollar.
2. Con Air (1997) - Why kill head bad guy Cyrus 'The Virus' (John Malkovich) just once when two or three times will do? He flies through two plate glass windows, is electrocuted on some power lines, then conveniently lands on a conveyer belt where his head is strategically placed in a rock crusher.
3. Day of the Dead (1985) - Captain Rhodes (Joe Pilato) gets to watch himself be torn in half by zombies. He's actually as obnoxious in death as he was in life.
4. Marked for Death (1990) - It was a little disappointing to see how easily Steven Seagal killed Jamaican drug lord Screwface (Basil Wallace) in Marked for Death, cutting his head off like it was no big deal. That made the big reveal -- that Screwface had a twin brother and was actually two people -- even more exciting, because that meant we got to see Seagal kill him again. This time, he slices his face with a sword, pokes his eyes out, breaks the guy's back over his knee and drops him down and elevator shaft onto a giant steel spike. Possibly the best bad guy death of all time.
5. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - Steven Spielberg is in touch with his inner child. That's why he melted the face of Toht.
6. Hellraiser (1987) - Evil Uncle Frank (still inhabiting the body of his brother, played by Andrew Robinson) gets hundreds of metal hooks buried in his skin, then messily ripped apart in every possible direction -- but not before uttering the words "Jesus wept." It's got nothing to do with anything, of course, but Clive Barker thought it sounded cool and profound and now you can get Uncle Frank shirts that say "Jesus Wept" on them at Hot Topic and wear them to Fangoria conventions.
7. True Romance (1993) - Gary Oldman is so over the top and entertaining as would-be Rastafarian pimp Drexl Spivey that you almost don't want to see him leave the movie. Seeing him shot right in the balls and then repeatedly in the chest and face, however, makes it worth it.
8. Bad Boys II (2003) - This is a terrible movie. The bad guy death is very funny. Confronted with our two wisecracking heroes, drug lord Johnny Tapia (Jordi Molla) is shot in the head ("Aw, hell no!") and falls backward onto a land mine, which detonates and blows up the upper half of his body. Ugly, violent and way over the top. It's right at home in this movie.
9. The Fury (1978) - Second only to Screwface in Marked for Death, John Cassavetes' death-by-explosion in Brian De Palma's underrated horror film is shown over and over and over, in slow motion and from every conceivable angle. The best part? Cue credits.
10. Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Because it's Hitler.
Let's not pretend that there was no recent death that inspired this posting... I assume it is pretty obvious who you are referring to. Elmer Lynn Hauldren, you and your damn jingle will continue to haunt me even though you have passed on.ReplyDelete