Friday, June 10, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Week of June 6)

I had this whole big rant about disgraced Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) all ready to go for this week's introduction. It was funny and violent and the soundtrack kicked fucking ass. You would've loved it -- I swear. But then I watched the following three trailers (jump below). Let me warn all of you regular readers up front: this is, quite possibly, the worst batch of previews I've yet featured in this dinky column. Never before have I been so disheartened, disgusted and just plain confused. They SUCK. And they're insulting to everyone, not just to diehard cinephiles (a word Patrick loves). THAT BEING SAID, please watch, read and ... enjoy(?).

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
Release date: Nov. 18, 2011


Also, I have never seen City Lights. I have seen Twilight. #movieshame

(Follow F This Movie! on Twitter!)

Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World
Release date: Aug. 19, 2011

Robert Rodriguez is the best. This movie is the WORST. Unfortunately, for every El Mariachi, From Dusk Till Dawn and Planet Terror we get, we're also saddled with The Faculty, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, and Machete (full disclosure: I haven't seen Machete yet, but it just looks so lame). I respect his work ethic, and his approach to filmmaking. He has his own home studio in Austin, Texas, and he does everything himself with (I assume) minimal interference. That's unassailably cool. The freedom and the power that comes with that must be pretty overwhelming. But, as you know, with great power, yada yada yada. And that's the problem. I don't think Rodriguez has a person in his life who has enough sack to tell him when something's a HORRIBLE IDEA. Because that's what this is. A HORRIBLE IDEA. Stop it, Mr. Rodriguez!

I Don't Know How She Does It
Release date: Sept. 16, 2011

I don't know how she does ... it? What's "it"? All right, I KIND OF take back SOME of what I said in my introduction. This trailer is definitely not one of the worst things I've featured in this dinky column. It seems to have a functional plot, some impressive star power (is that THE Olivia Munn?! Also, enough Olivia Munn -- please stop appearing on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Leave that to the big boys [and girls]) and a refreshing lack of incompetent CGI. It's just that ... this movie is not for me. And that's OK! Even the movie's cool with that! So tell me -- who, exactly, is this movie for? I'm sure there are many women out there who can and do balance kids, kareer and Kristmas (the three Ks!). Likewise, I'm sure there are several perfectly happy female corporate executives who have a good home life and well adjusted children (well, maybe not). But, if nothing else, this movie just feels lazy and unoriginal. And insulting to those women (and men) who manage to do a good job at living their complicated lives! All right, I take back what I took back -- this movie is JUST AS INSULTING as Spy Kids 4: Spy Moms are the Spy Best. What makes it even more egregious is that it has no idea how insulting it actually is. BOOM (your mind is blown).

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