Friday, August 5, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (August 5)

My wife and I got Blue Valentine in the mail from Netflix about five weeks(!) ago. It's just sitting on our table, collecting dust. I really can't bring myself to watch it, even though I know it's good. Thing is, I also know it's a hard movie to watch. Like, isn't it about falling OUT of love, and the pain and heartache associated with loss? And, while those movies are often "good," they sometimes feel like work. And, at the end of the day, isn't it way easier to re-watch The Blues Brothers for the 80th time on HDNet? Because that's what we did two nights ago. And I don't regret it.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Release date: Sept. 16, 2011

I loves me a good old-fashioned spy thriller. But I honestly have no idea what this movie is about. Very Pip-Pip/Cheerio/Burn Havisham! I would say this movie needs more STAR POWER, but then they list a bunch of British actors' names at the end of the trailer. And then I had to admit to myself that I'm not as well versed with British actors as I am, say, with the cast of Haywire. But THEN I realized that British actors are EVERYWHERE, despite their lack of name recognition. I mean, they've nearly taken over our country's entire comic book movie genre. Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spider-Man, Christian Bale as Batman ... everyone in X-Men: First Class. You get my point. So while I WANT to see this movie, I may have to SKIP it in PROTEST of my JOBS being SHIPPED OVERSEAS.

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy
Release date: Sept. 2, 2011

My family actually has a "summer home" (you are jealous) that I went to nearly every weekend in the summer during my youth (formative years?). Weren't the 80s awesome?! It's on a lake in northern Illinois, and there's a boat, a big deck, some WaveRunners, a long pier -- the works. Unfortunately, it's gone to hell in recent years after the [frowny face] passing of my father. JEEEEZ! What IS this? Hearin' Sad Storiez with Doug? Sorry to bring the mood down, but my point is that I can IDENTIFY with Jason Sudeikis' character in A Good Old Fashioned Orgy. When my mom finally put the house on the market, I, too, threw one last big blow-out with my friends. It was ... well, it was a giant SEX PARTY. A totally normal thing to do! Everyone was invited -- all of my super hot female friends, and my one slightly overweight but REALLY funny (in an absurd, offensive, you-just-have-to-get-to-know-him kind of way) childhood pal. And then Lake Bell showed up in her underwear. And it was great. And you wish you were me. Just like we all wish we were Jason Sudeikis. You know -- funny(?), attractive(?) and really good(?) at making really well-informed(?) decisions about his acting(?) career(?). Wait, why is he famous again?

The Thing
Release date: Oct. 14, 2011

The original The Thing, directed by John Carpenter, is really, really great. In fact, I'm a little surprised we haven't done a podcast on it before. Quickly searching the F This Movie! website, I was able to track down many references to the movie (most notably here, here and here), but no dedicated show. Wait, does F Alien Invasion Movies! count? I'm gonna say ... no. And I think I know why it's never been singled out -- any podcast would just be a big ol' love fest for a really well-done, respected movie. And those are never as interesting as when we rip something apart. As JB so succinctly puts it, 1982's The Thing is, "All the horror, none of the women." Which is why I don't understand this remake -- did they really just want to include a chick in the cast? And who is this movie even for? Are kids dying to see a horror movie featuring aliens in Antarctica? Unless it also features TORTURE PORN, I'm going to say NO. I learned from Patrick that John Carpenter's film is a "reimagining" (barf) of The Thing From Another World (see what you can learn from READING OUR SITE?). So this is essentially a remake of a reimagining? Brilliant.

1 comment:

  1. This was listed as a prequel! But clearly it's just a gutless, pointless remake! It deserves to go straight to DVD! Films are awful nowadays, aimed at people with half a brain.