Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sh!#ting on the Classics: The Nightmare Before Christmas
Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
I have five objections to this monotonous, unpleasant film: the story, the music, the handling of Santa Claus, the basic message, and Tim Burton. You know, quibbles.
The story here is basically How The Grinch Stole Christmas padded to feature length. An unpleasant character does not understand Christmas and so decides to usurp the holiday for his own selfish ends. The Chuck Jones/Dr. Seuss holiday cartoon told that story better in under 30 minutes with catchier songs.
I cannot understand why so many people consider Danny Elfman’s score a masterpiece. I find him to be an artist with a limited palette, capable of only three main themes, which he has endlessly repeated to form a career:
1) The longing, swooping, anguished string piece (“Jack’s Lament,” “Sally’s Song,” and his opening title music in Batman);
2) The crazy “merry-go-round-broke-down” cacophony of most everything else (“What is This”, “Making Christmas,” the Simpsons theme, and the opening title music for HBO’s Tales From the Crypt); and
3) The monotonous march, which for all I know might be the merry-go-round thing played slower and louder (“This is Halloween,” “Kidnap Sandy Claus”).
NOTE: Sometimes these are combined. His main title theme in Mars Attacks! is a combination of the swoop and the march.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I may just be nursing a grudge against Mr. Elfman. I once attended a horror/sci-fi convention in California that ended with an awards dinner. Every table at this dinner was supposed to include a “celebrity.” Our table’s requisite celebrity was Elfman. After ten minutes he ditched us to sit at Ray Harryhausen’s table. Was it my breath? Was it something I said? Could it have been my 10-minute rant mocking his music?
Also, the Santa in The Nightmare Before Christmas is NOT the real Santa. He is not my Santa; he is a fraud. In the words of Will Ferrell in Elf, he is “sitting on a throne of lies.” Here is why. Three repulsive children (I think they are children) kidnap Santa Claus, tie him to a wheel, and terrorize him with a big bag of bugs. This cannot be Santa. This is certainly not the real Santa. The real Santa cannot be kidnapped and certainly not by children. The real Santa would win these children to his side in an instant, perhaps with the promise of presents if they were good. This film’s Santa is a weak, scared, pie-eyed fraud. Phooey.
Getting back to How The Grinch Stole Christmas, there is one plot point at which the two stories part ways, tellingly. The Grinch learns that he can be part of Christmas, that Christmas is so big and wonderful that it can include him as well: “Maybe Christmas didn’t come from a store... maybe it was something more.” At the end of The Nightmare Before Christmas, however, Jack Skellington learns that Christmas is Christmas and Halloween is Halloween and never the twain shall meet. Jack learns he should just stay in his place. What kind of message is this for children? I will tell you what kind of message. It is a shitty message.
Plus, after a few films the Tim Burton thing -- Oooh, I am dark and misunderstood and artistic and different -- really starts to grate on one’s psyche. All of his early films feature this protagonist; both Vincent and Edward Scissorhands even look like a caricature of their creator. Tim, I know you took a lot of shit growing up for being a dark, gawky, gothic artistic type, but why take it out on us? Like his hero Jack Skellington, Burton feels he cannot be a part of Christmas, so he is going to ruin it for everyone else. The film delights in images of children being handed horrible, scary presents and being chased by nasty things. This seems sadistic and mean spirited, especially in a children’s film.
People praise the character design (which I consider ugly and weird) and the animation (which I find jerky and slow). Before you disagree, try this experiment. Watch any part of the film with the sound turned off. Watch the images. This is not even good animation, much less great animation.
Burton’s later Corpse Bride (2005), while much more entertaining, contains the similarly twisted message that one should always seek out the perfect soul mate, no matter who or what he/she/it is -- even if said soulmate is a cadaver. It is good to see that you have worked out all of your issues, Tim.
BY THE WAY: I certainly do not need to ever see this stop-motion POS ever again—SO I AM ADDING MY BLU-RAY COPY TO THE SWAG THAT YOU CAN WIN IN THE F THIS MOVIE! WIN OUR STUFF! CONTEST.