Friday, March 9, 2012
That's My Boy
Release date: June 15, 2012
Above is the "red band" trailer for the new Adam Sandler/Andy Samberg (passing the douche torch, are we?) feature film, That's My Boy, in which hundreds of people devoted thousands of hours of their precious time, and a "respectable" studio invested literally millions of dollars. When you stop to think about it, the amount of effort put towards this project is pretty astronomical. Especially when there are so many ABORTIONS TO STOP. Politics! Anyway, the "green band" trailer (for all of you pansies) is here, and there are some differences. For example, the PG version includes a backstory in which a young Adam Sandler got his teacher (Eva Amurri, because YOWZA) pregnant at 13. The R-rated trailer, on the other hand, includes lots of swear words, like FUCK and SHIT and COCK. HAHAHAHAHAHA! The sad news? Neither preview is funny. In fact, this looks like the WORST. Stop it, Happy Madison!
Release date: March 30, 2012
No, not the Brad Renfro (swoon/RIP) movie from 2001, a documentary (WHU?) from 2011. I usually don't include documentaries in this column, because A.) they're typically not mass-released and/or available to a wide audience, and B.) c'mon, people, look at me -- do my glasses have tape on them? (#nonerdo) HOWEVER, I'm including this movie here because it made national news a few days ago. Apparently, a 17-year-old high school student (with the Weinstein's backing, I'm sure) is petitioning the MPAA to change the rating of the movie from an R to a PG-13. Seems logical, in that a PG-13 rating would theoretically ensure that more young people attend this important film. But, really, will the bullies themselves actually see it? I'm guessing no. Unless it features Megan Fox playing with pogs. Y'know -- stuff kids like! Finally, STOP HARASSING THE MPAA! Jeez! Talk about the pot calling the kettle BULLY.
Release date: April 13, 2012
Kurt Russell (Lt. Gabriel Cash). Time travel ("He's talking to Johnny ... in the future!"). Sport. Need I say more? Probably, because this actually looks pretty lame. Please be good! What's that? No? You refuse to be good? Oh, all right.
Release date: Oct. 5, 2012
I know there are quite a few diehard Tim Burton fans who frequent our site. If you're reading this (and why wouldn't you be?), can you please explain this to me? Seriously. I'm not being sarcastic. I really want to know what the hell's going on. He's remaking his own movies now (granted, his original film from 1984 was a short, but still)? In stop-motion 3D? But for why?
Release date: April 27, 2012
I literally have nothing to say about this. #dodougsjobforhim