Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Sh!#ting on the Classics: (30) Stars of Summer (Nightmare Version)

Those of you playing our (30) Stars of Summer game have an opportunity to “take a walk on the wild side,” and by “wild side,” I mean “shitty side.”

It occurred to me that some readers/listeners playing along with us this month might just be seeking out the best movies featuring our star lineup. Where is the fun in that? For the rest of you looking for some 100% American Processed Cheese Product, here is my personal list of the worst film of each “June Star.” It is hard to imagine anyone having a lengthy career in Hollywood and NOT making at least a couple of stinkers. These are the films that shit on these performers’ classic legacies.
June 1 – Jimmy Stewart – The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)
June 2 – Catherine Deneuve – Don’t Touch the White Woman! (1974)**
June 3 – Christopher Lee – Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985)**
June 4 – Betty Davis – Wicked Stepmother (1989)
June 5 – Nicholas Cage – The Wicker Man (2006)
June 6 – Diane Keaton – Town and Country (2001)
June 7 – Orson Welles – Slapstick of Another Kind (1982)
June 8 – Catherine Keener – Johnny Suede (1991)*
June 9 – Kurt Russell – Superdad (1973)
June 10 - Pam Grier – The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
June 11 – Clint Eastwood – Paint Your Wagon (1969)
June 12 – Susan Sarandon – Speed Racer (2008)
June 13 – Cary Grant – Dream Wife (1953)
June 14 - Barbara Stanwyk – Roustabout (1964)
June 15 – Keith David – Requiem for a Dream (2000)
June 16 – Frances McDormand – Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
June 17 – Gary Oldman – Lost in Space (1998)
June 18 – Marilyn Monroe – Love Happy (1950)*
June 19 – Dick Miller – Evil Toons (1992)
June 20 – Jennifer Jason Leigh – In The Cut (2003)
June 21 – Laurence Fishburne – Band of the Hand (1986)
June 22 – Whoopi Goldberg – The Associate (1996)
June 23 – Kevin Bacon – Pyrates (1991)**
June 24 – Christina Ricci – That Darn Cat (1997)**
June 25 – Jack Nicholson – The Fortune (1975)
June 26 - Melanie Griffith – Born Yesterday (1993)
June 27 – Jackie Chan – The Cannonball Run (1981)
June 28 – Barbara Steele – Long Hair of Death (1964)**
June 29 – Jack Lemmon – Under the Yum Yum Tree (1963)**
June 30 – Jamie Lee Curtis - Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008)

* = Available on Netflix Instant Streaming as of 06-05-12

** = Yes, this is a real movie.

5 comments:

  1. I think my Pam Grier pick actually tops "Pluto Nash" in the badness department (even though the flick itself is a little bit better than "Nash") precisely because it wastes Pam's talents/beauty and doesn't know how to use her properly. Hint: Pam's fellow "Jackie Brown" co-star Robert Foster is also in my pick, equally or even more wasted than Grier (which, sadly, is the defining characteristic of Robert's career pre and post-"Jackie Brown").

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    1. FORSTER, I meant to say Robert Forster... shit, never again will I type and eat breakfast at the same time. :-(

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  2. Great idea, JB, thanks for the shit-list. Boy, are you not kidding about the remake of The Wicker Man - definitely one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Anyway, I'm going to challenge myself to watch at least 3 of these!

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  3. Re: Jack Nicholson. I'd never heard of The Fortune is it really worse than Anger Management (ugh)?

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    1. Anger Management is so mis-conceived that it can actually make you angry. The Fortune is tedious and humorless.

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