Friday, November 30, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Nov. 30)

So many new trailerz this week, F-Heads! Now, no more shenanigans, no more tomfoolery, no more ballyhoo. Let's get right down to it.

The Heat
Release date: April 5, 2013

Haha! OK, I'll see this. But only because it's the only time in cinema history where De Niro and Pacino share a scene. I'm kidding. That was a joke. We like to have fun here. If you're allergic to fun, get the heck out! You know who's not allergic to fun? Ms. Sandra Bullock. And she's single! And pretty! You have a shot, is what I'm saying. Sorry, Melissa McCarthy is taken (married to her U.S. Marshal costar in Bridesmaids). Crazy that Paul Feig is quickly becoming one of the best comedy directors out there, huh?

Release date: March 8, 2013

Two for two! Because who doesn't love Tina Fey and Paul Rudd? Although, let's be blunt, this trailer is kind of all over the place. Lots of dramedy. That's a combination of drama and comedy for all you n00bz (see below), which this movie seems to be ALL ABOUT. "How'd ya like to have your udder yanked like that," here. "I think maybe Jeremiah is your son," there. "Maybe you'd like to step outside, see how fragile I am!" here. "This parenthood thing -- what am I doing wrong?" there. You see what I mean? Schizo. But, still, I'll see it. Love those two.

Parental Guidance
Release date: Dec. 25, 2012

Yikes! And just like that, the love train cometh to a halt. Because, this trailer ... it's not funny. It's not fun. And is it a Christmas movie? I guess. Happy birthday, Jesus! At least there's a two-second clip of Skitch Patterson. Whatever happened to that guy?

Release date: TBA

Teaser for a new movie titled either Europa. Or Europa Report. The Internet's confused on this. Normally, I wouldn't feature a short preview, except that I think space exploration is cool, and Sharlto Copley is a great actor. Seriously -- dude needs more non-Murdock-related work!

Release date: TBA

You know what? Don't even ask. I just wanted to feature this because it stars our Twitter friend/follower, Casper Van Dien. Oh, Casper. How the mighty Mobile Infantry commander has fallen. Also, hi Casper! Hope you're still reading!

I Give It a Year
Release date: TBA

I'm sorry -- judge me if you must -- but that's a great first line. I only wish I had thought of it for Patrick and Erika's wedding! Actually, there are several funny lines featured here, and that makes sense, because the movie was written and directed by Sacha Baron Cohen's pal Dan Mazer, writer of Da Ali G Show, Borat and Br¸no. This is such a purely BRITISH preview, that Anna Faris isn't even allowed to speak in it. Is she supposed to be American, or ... what? We've heard her English accent in What's Your Number? (everyone saw What's Your Number?, right? No? Just me? I'm the only one?), and it's terrible, which is the joke of that movie. Anyway, enough about Anna Faris (and her boobs). Let's move on to Rose Byrne's boobs. Or not! Look, I'm not paid by the word -- I can end this write-up whenever I want!

Release date: Feb. 22, 2013

Patrick and I briefly talked about this on the Home Alone podcast -- Dwayne Johnson (nee "The Rock") just HAS IT. It? What's "It"? I don't know, but Mr. Johnson does! And Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't. Which means that I am intrigued by all of his future projects! Except, Snitch is like this year's Contraband, right? In that, sure, it looks like a serviceable movie, but, also derivative and mildly boring. Lots of testosterone-fueled action. Lots of washed out colors. Lots of silent stares. Lots of ZzzzZZzZzzzzz.

Release date: May 24, 2013

Yeah, sure, why not. For you. For me? No thanks. Unless this is some sort of bizarre Snow Patrol concert film. Then I'm in!

Now You See Me
Release date: June 7, 2013

There's no such thing as magic. I mean, we can all agree on that right? Yet most of us probably love a great magic trick. Heck, I know I do -- I even dragged my entire family (and future in-laws) out to the Rio in Las Vegas to watch Penn & Teller for my 30th birthday [BTW, family -- you're welcome!]. It's also the reason David Blaine and Criss Angel -- despite being soulless, insufferable, wastes of human beings -- have careers. Because SOMEBODY out there was impressed with their weird skillset, probably honed while sick in a bed for months on end with mono. Anyway, this movie looks a little more flashy and slick than I normally like, but I can dig it because it features a great cast (Woody Harrelson, not necessarily Jesse Eisenberg, who can't seem to stop being the same character in every single movie). And the inclusion of Michael Caine lends an air of legitimacy to the prestidigitation project. "Now you're looking for the secret. But you won't find it because of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be fooled."


  1. I hate myself for saying this but I totally want to see Parental Guidance. Probably in a double feature with The Guilt Trip. FML. #bringback1992

  2. No, wait ... THIS is the craziest thing I've read all day.

  3. I also have to admit that I have a minor interest in seeing Parental Guidance. I guess I just like Billy Crystal too much not to. Also, Marisa Tomei (who I tend to like). Though I couldn't care less about Bette Midler.