Friday, March 8, 2013
The Hangover Part III
Release date: May 24, 2013
On one hand, there's absolutely nothing funny in this preview. Seriously, nothing. Not one thing. On the other hand, it does promise to be the conclusion (to the trilogy! It's what they planned from the very beginning, don't you see?) -- no more Hangovers, you guys! On the lesser-known "third" hand, it does not appear that they're simply repeating the exact same story, as was the case with Part II (more like "number two," amIright?). So that's ... good? Interesting? I don't even know anymore. And, honestly, I've stopped caring ever since I saw Chang's tiny penis. Now, am I saying that if Chang's penis was substantial, I would somehow care MORE? What are you, my psychiatrist?
Welcome to the Punch
Release date: March 27, 2013
I know I've complained in the past about trailers telling/showing audiences every beat and plot point in their respective movies, but this advertisement takes a decidedly different tack -- what the heck is going on? Lots of gunplay and British accents and BLUE-hued set pieces. Beyond that? Uh, somebody was shot. And cryptic instructions were written on his hand. Kind of like The Man Who Knew Too Much? Only, I'm sure, not at all. A little help @Welcome2Punch!
Release date: April 12, 2013
Are there still "chat rooms" out there? In 2013? And I'm not talking about standalone websites with social functionality like Facebook, Twitter, etc. The way they make it sound in this trailer, I feel like the characters are visiting online groups accessible only through AOL's 1997 landing page. Although if Paula Patton (she of Deja Vu fame) were on the other end of my 28K dialup connection, I'd be punching in my mom's credit card number faster than you could say Pshhhkkkkkkrrrr-kakingkakingkakingtsh-chchchchchchchcch-*ding*ding*ding*. Which brings up another, completely valid point: who actually pays for online interaction? There are SO many free services (I will refrain from typing out my favorites here), streaming tubes, interactive forums, guilty pleasures, that I REALLY have a hard time accepting the old "My name's Pete Townshend and I swear I'm just RESEARCHING child pornography" defense.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
Release date: Sept. 27, 2013
OK. Right. I can KIND OF see why this movie would appeal to children. It's whimsical. It's magical. It's adventurous. But it's also ... insufferable? Obviously, I am a hollow-hearted 47-year-old man, so very little of this appeals to me (by design). I did not see the first movie. I will not see the second movie. HOWEVER, if my soon-to-be-born kid happens to love the literary stylings of children's author Judi Barrett, then I suppose I'll cave. Such a sucker for that kid, I am.
Release date: TBA
NSFWish, due to salty language, so headphones UP. Not quite sure what to make of this. Would it work better as a short? A comedy sketch? One smaller segment of an anthology about the End of Days? Perhaps. Or maybe, just maybe, it shouldn't exist in the first place? I dunno. I'm in a bad mood, and the cheap-on-purpose effects, obvious jokes and lazy, hipster approach to the material turned me off. But I could be (and kind of hope I am) wrong. PROVE ME WRONG! You see, I like all (most?) of the comics/actors in this, and I like that they're getting to work in actual films (looking hard at you Huebel). I just wish there was SOME effort put into this. Not just like, "Hey, my friend is making a movie and he wrote this kinda cool, kinda lazy walk-on part for me -- I think I'm gonna do it. It's only gonna take me two days to shoot, and then I'll have plenty of time to hone my next tweet!" I feel like Homer Simpson smacking the top of his beloved TV ... "Be more funny!"
Much Ado About Nothing
Release date: June 21, 2013
Joss Whedon's black-and-white Shakespeare movie. Is this his latter-half contribution to the, "One for you, one for me," approach to moviemaking?