Friday, April 5, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (April 5)

Thanks for everyone's kind words and well wishes! Mom and baby (and Doug) are doing great! But just remember: it's a marathon, and, you know, you GOTTA sleep when the baby sleeps. Listen, LISTEN -- I would take a bullet for her. Because life is precious. And God, and the Bible. But enough about me and my FAMILY OF THREE ... trailerz wait for no baby! Except for last week! Sorry about that!

Release date: April 21, 2013 (a Sunday? Weird)

Patrick shared this trailer with me yesterday (I'm a little out of the loop), and my first thought after watching it was, "Oh great -- I think this is garbage, but Patrick, because he's in L-O-V-E with ZoĆ« Bell, will be blinded by her beauty!" Then he sent a follow-up email stating: "Looks horrible! 'I WANT SABRINAAAAAA!' Yes, prisoner girl. So do I." PHEW! For better Bell action, check out this behind-the-scenes clip of her doubling Uma Thurman in a Kill Bill fight sequence.

Only God Forgives
Release date: July 19, 2013

This is a red band trailer (for language? Violence? It's pretty tame) so, you know. Be careful out there. The new movie from director Nicolas Winding Refn (he of Drive fame) stars Ryan Gosling (he of Young Hercules fame), and, what can I say? It looks pretty F-ing incredible. I don't often blindly praise previews (cowardly, sarcastic put-downs is more my thing), but there's nothing about this that doesn't look awesome. If I have ONE criticism, it's this: will the now-popular Gosling -- who is inarguably attractive and charismatic and wonderful to behold -- ever play a character who's not a total badass? Not really a complaint, just an observation.

A Single Shot
Release date: TBA

Sure, Ryan Gosling gets all the hype (and the ladies [and most men]), but is there a better actor working today than Sam Rockwell? HOWEVER, if I didn't know better, I'd swear this was a trailer for a foreign film, what with the near-complete lack of dialogue, random assortment of juxtaposing shots and stark imagery. Looks good, is what I'm saying! Or, maybe I'm just trained to think it looks good because it has the right pacing, mood, overlaid text full of fawning reviews by erudite critics, festival laurels and SAM ROCKWELL'S FACE.

Grown Ups 2
Release date: July 12, 2013

No comment. Wait, one comment: STOP IT. Anyone else have anything to add? #dodougsjobforhim

The Purge
Release date: May 31, 2013

I'm surprised that a group of strangers was able to penetrate House Lannister. Pretty interesting concept (reminds me of "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson), which, in my humble opinion (IMHO?) goes off the rails a bit when it becomes a neo-horror movie (shades of Sinister?). But, I hope I'm wrong, because, like I said, I think this is a cool idea for a film. I'm also glad to see that Ethan Hawke -- once one of the biggest up-and-coming names in Hollywood -- has really found his niche in movies like this (e.g., Daybreakers, Richard Linklater's Before series, etc.).

Pineapple Express 2
Release date: Never!

April Fool's! Four days late! Sorry!

2 Guns
Release date: Aug. 2, 2013

OK, I'll bite -- this looks like a lot of fun! Two of the most charismatic actors around (along with the always foxy Paula Patton) in a buddy cop/heist dramedy. The plot synopsis courtesy of IMDb: "A DEA Agent and an undercover Naval Intelligence Officer who have been tasked with investigating one another find they have been set up by the mob -- the very organization the two men believe they have been stealing money from." ZOINKS! I feel like they don't make them like this anymore, and that's a shame.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Release date: Aug. 16, 2013

Did you hear the news that Jack the Giant Slayer could lose up to $140 million for its studios? I didn't see it (I thought it looked pretty ugly), and I'm assuming most of you didn't either (if the box office is to be believed). Which brings me to next question: did anyone see Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief? No? No one? Me neither, and I'm guessing I won't see its sequel either. NEXT!

Not Another Not Another Movie
Release date: TBA


Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Release date: June 17, 1970

RIP Roger Ebert.


  1. I have a comment to add about Grown Ups 1/2: Somebody go all Doc Brown and design a time machine and stop that mess from being created in the first place."

  2. RE: Grown Ups 2 - I was in a frat. No one in a frat has ever made a group of grown men take off their clothes and jump off a cliff into a lake. That is all. #Waterslide

  3. Congrats Doug! Yo go (Doug's) girl! :-)

    Seriously, after "Grindhouse" bombed and spawned the bomb "Machete" and the sure-to-bomb "Machete Kills" (same way Josh Whedon's "Dollhouse" on TV got a second season after a low-rated first season, following on the heels of "Fringe" lasting four seasons when ratings should have cancelled it after two), what is it with box office duds getting unwanted sequels?
    Do we really need another "Percy Jackson"? "Grown Ups 2" I can understand (if you can fool them once shame on them, and if you can fool them twice then shame on me except that, as a movie executive/sold-out filmmaker, I have no shame), but "Percy" freaking "Jackson"? What's next, "Jack Reacher 2" starring Thomas F. Wilson? :-P

  4. I'm at work so can't watch the trailers at the moment but wanted to give my congrats, so:

    Congratulations Adam Sandler on another triumph that will surely go down in the annals of film history - you are truly the greatest comedic movie star of all time and you should be really, really proud of yourself. Making a movie is hard work unlike, say, having a kid, which any Jerry Springer Show guest seems capable of doing.


    1. ^^^ Way to bring down and diminish Doug and his wife's great accomplishment, Sol. Tsk, tsk, tsk! :-P

  5. Sorry Doug, I must have missed the big announcement. So this is me being late to the party.

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is super cool, I'm so happy for you mate.
    But if you ever make her (it is a girl, right?) Watch the trailer to Grown Ups 2, like you just made me, I'm calling social services. That shit is three types of abuse and two forms of neglect.
    And yes, I do consider anything you post in here as you making me do things, that's how much of your bitch I am.

  6. Congrats Doug and family! And yes, I own up to having seen Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. :)

  7. Taylor Lautner playing the part of a Douchebag-Genius Casting Grown Ups 2!