Saturday, June 15, 2013

Junesploitation Day 15: '80s Action!

Crime is a disease. Meet the cure!

Today for Junesploitation, we recognize one of my very favorite genres (and one of my areas of expertise [#HeavyAction]) in all of cinema. So much ass will be kicked.

15 comments:

  1. Red Scorpion (1989)

    Per Hollywood Holland's advice decided on this lovely anti commie fav starring the Dolph! He plays a highly trained Soviet agent out to infiltrate an African rebel tribe and take out their leader. As we all know the truly badass action heroes are only going to take out the people who deserve it. This movie has big time explosions, evil commies being taken down, and a scar that makes Harry Potters head scar look like a pussy. Excellent Rachenkosploitation!

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  2. CYBORG (1989)

    This movie was goofy fun. Just look at the characters' names...Gibson Rickenbacker, Fender Tremolo. JCVD kicks a lot of ass, and I'm glad that the heroine got to kick some ass too(even if her acting kind of annoyed me). The "messiah" overtones for Van-Damme are hardly subtle(crucifixionsploitation!). The dialogue Fendor has is great("I like the death! I like the misery! I like this world!). Also, skinnydiploitation!

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  3. Red Scorpion (1989)

    Gloriously stupid action film stars Dolph Lundgren as a bad Russkie who becomes a good Russkie, after spending time playing Dances With Bushmen (they get him drunk and give him a tattoo). Lundgren is an intimidating presence physically, but he radiates calm and discipline, even when being tortured (Zensploitation). The emoting is done by M. Emmet Walsh, playing the least objective reporter on the planet. Walsh masticates huge chunks of the scenery while Dolph stands back and makes astute observations such as "He is an emotional man." Just remember - Keep kicking that ass!

    If you're in the mood for irony, this movie was made in (and reportedly received aid from) South Africa, who in 1989 was still deep in apartheid. Kind of lends a weird vibe to a movie about liberating black Africans from their white oppressors.

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  4. RAW DEAL. This one’s been on my “I should see it someday” list for years now. Arnold Schwarzenegger goes undercover (Inconspicuous-sploitation!) to take down the mob from within. The movie isn’t as outrageous as some of Arnold’s other, more well-known flicks, but it should fill any action fan’s punch/explosion/muzzle-flash quota.

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    1. I unabashedly love that movie, especially the "Satisfaction" sequence. And Joe Regalbutosploitation!

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  5. Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987)

    Paul Kersey's girlfriend's daughter is killed by drugs, so Kersey sets out to kill all of the drugs. Ok, he sets out to kill drug dealers and the like, but he might as well just be on a mission to kill the drugs (with a silencer-equipped Uzi, because 1987). The one-man war on drugs is as silly as it sounds, but the movie never reaches the crazy-high crazy-bar set by the deliriously loopy Death Wish 3. By this point it all feels pretty by-the-numbers, though there's certainly still some fun to be had. Also, Tim Russ shows up. Tuvoksploitation!

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    1. Plus, those last 45 seconds are THE BEST.

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    2. Truth! I should've mentioned that, it's one of the all-time great villain dispatchings.

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  6. ROBOT HOLOCAUST (1986) on DVD for the first time.

    Went with a cheap "Conan"-meets-"The Warriors," "Deathstalker"-type post-apocalyptic "action" flick, a genre that boomed big time in the 80's. Wound up with egg on my face and a socket-dressed-as-a-snake cutie on my neck in a bad part of town though (NYC's Central Park) with this dog of a zero-budget movie in which nothing except ineptly-acted, laughably-dressed, awkwardly-shot and excitement-free "action" scenes happen. Seldom has a supposed hero from the atomic-blasted wastelands outside the city (Gotham in the daytime) been as gigantic a vaccuum of charisma and screen presence as Norris Culf's Neo (!). A jaw-dropping, mesmarazingly-bad performance by Angelika Jager as 'The Dark One's' assistant, along with a handful of boob shots (CLICK HERE AND SCROLL TO 19:51... you're welcome. 8-P), it's about all "Robot Holocaust" is good for.

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  7. A Better Tomorrow II (1987)

    I was going to watch another movie that I would prefer not to name, but no. That movie was just... no. Maybe with a crowd of like minded people, but alone it was just not working.

    So instead I went for the most ridiculous action movie I could think of.

    A twin of the character killed in the last movie, a catatonic man only regaining his sanity through the medium of blood shed, a body count that was record breaking and a rant about how one must not insult rice.

    The only problem this movie really has is in how long it takes to get going. And then when it does get going, it's kind of stupid and silly. In a good way though.

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  8. Ninja III: The Domination (1984)

    Ninjas, aerobics, hairy cops, possession, lasers, Lucinda Dickey, Sho Kosugi, Sam Firstenberg, Cannon Films. Like Death Wish 3, this should be required viewing for everyone during Junesploitation. I should've had a V8.

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  9. Commando (1985)

    This had so many of the things I love in action movies. A simple plot that ensures our hero does as lot of badass stuff, the occasional one-liner, and an excellent 80s soundtrack. All I could think about was WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN THIS BEFORE!?!?!?!

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  10. Miami Connection (1987)

    The best. I'm just bummed I watched this mostly alone (my wife was in and out), because it would be SO MUCH BETTER IN A GROUP.

    Friends through eternity! Loyalty! Honesty! We'll stick together through thick or thin!

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    1. Totally agree. I've watched it twice in two days. It's better than almost every movie I've seen this summer. So much fun.

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  11. When Bolivia's Olympic aggregation begins to advance into the London Olympic Stadium, with its top amateur accustomed the civic banderole - the acceptable red, chicken and blooming tricolor, I will bethink two things: By 1868, Queen Victoria, a part of the a lot of able women in history, abolished Bolivia from her apple map afterwards England's agent to La Paz, the country's capital, had been ashamed by Bolivia's belled absolutist Mariano Melgarejo.

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