Friday, March 14, 2014

Growing Up Nerdy

 Mike and Adam are back with more advice for would-be nerds!

My friends and I quote movies to each other all the time. Lately it's begun to annoy some of my family members and classmates, but I love it so much!  Should I keep this up?

-Chris from Toronto

Adam: It’s my time… my time down here! That’s all over the second we ride up Troy’s bucket.

Mike: You call this…going straight?

Adam: As someone who quotes movies all the time (especially to my best friends), I can tell you with supreme confidence DON'T STOP. The best thing about this approach to life is that if you quote things enough, they take on a life of their own to the point that they no longer resemble the original quote and they start to become yours. The example I’ll use is a throwaway line from Goodfellas, when Karen (Lorraine Bracco) says, “Not without your car keys you’re not.” It’s a very forgettable line, yet Mike and I have taken that and used it so many times that it's morphed into this screeching, yelling impression of a Brooklyn cat lady. So go for it! See how long you can keep these little inside jokes going with your pals. As far as the people you annoy, who cares? “The line must be drawn HERE!”

Mike: Shit, Adam and I can have entire conversations in movie quotes! We can also sing any song in the style of Green Day or Metallica and make ourselves laugh every time. What I’m trying to say is that it’s a miracle anyone talks to us.

But back to quoting: hell YES you should keep doing it. It’s fun and it doesn’t require you to have to...I don’t know...think up your own words and stuff. That can be EXHAUSTING. And Adam is right about us exaggerating movie quotes to the point of ridiculousness. You have not lived until you’ve heard us do Worf and Picard’s heated exchange on the bridge in Star Trek: First Contact. Have I mentioned it’s a miracle anyone talks to us?

All the kids at school make fun of me because my favorite super hero is Green Lantern. I told them they should watch the movie, but that didn't help. What do I do?  

-Coast City Eric

Mike: I think I’ll let Adam handle this one.

Adam: First off, it’s clear to anyone with half a brain that the Green Lantern is the greatest superhero ever! A ring that allows whatever you think of to materialize? You don’t get much better than that. I’m sure my counterpart will tell you a guy running around like a bat is the best, but he clearly has no idea what he’s talking about.

Mike: Two words for you: Vicki Vale. I rest my case. Please continue.
Adam: Secondly, you told them to watch the MOVIE? What in the hell are you thinking? As a young comic book and movie nerd, all I did was dream and pray every night for them to make a movie out of my favorite hero the Green Lantern. It should have been one of the greatest days in my life; instead, Hollywood decided to take a shit on me. Now all I endure is a barrage of people telling me how they’ve seen the Green Lantern movie and don’t understand what I see in it. That movie is the single disappointment of my 34 years on this planet; in fact, we did a podcast on it .

Back to your question: it’s very difficult to point to one Green Lantern story that defines the character, especially since Geoff Johns nearly 10-year run on the book will go down as the stuff of legend. However, if you are looking for some really great Green Lantern stories that show you what the character is, I would go with: Blackest Night from 2009, Green Lantern: Emerald Dawn I from 1989 and Emerald Dawn II from 1991, or my personal favorite Emerald Twilight (and a few extra), which covers Green Lantern Volume 3 #46-53. I would also recommend Zero Hour: Crisis in Time and The Final Night.

Also, if you are into animated stuff I would find a copy of Green Lantern: First Flight, Green Lantern: Emerald Knights, or just watch a few episodes of the animated series that were on the Cartoon Network. Whatever you decide, please, for the love of all that is good, stay AWAY from that movie. It makes me sad to think about it.

Rumors out there are saying that Green Lantern will be making an appearance in either Batman/Superman or Man of Steel 2, and the early casting favorite is The Rock to play him. I am quite the fan of the Rock, so this might be fun.

Mike: Is there a way that we can get The Rock to play all of the parts? Because then I’d be onboard.

Longtime fan of the column. My family just got a dog. I want to give it a really kick ass dog name and I'm looking for suggestions. Please help!


Mike: What a great question! I’ve never actually owned a dog, but I have given some thought as to what I would name one should I ever take that plunge. If it were up to me, and honestly it would never be up to me – my wife and daughters would see to that – but I’d have to go with something nerdy, because Growing Up Nerdy. While I could easily find a cool name from the comic books I love or my favorite TV shows and movies, I’d have to narrow it down to picking a name from The Lord of the Rings. I feel like most names Tolkien comes up with sound like pet names anyway. I could picture it now: “Here, Frodo!” “Put that down, Strider!” “Don’t pee on that, Thorin son of Thrain!”

Adam: This is a tricky one. There are so very many angles you can take with a dog name. Do you want cute or tough, ironic or funny, classic or adventurous? My favorite dog name ever comes from my uncle in Wisconsin, who named his dog “Dammit”. Every day around 5:30, he’d yell out “Time to eat, Dammit!” and giggle to himself. That dog lived to be 17 years old and I don’t think that joke got old to him.

If you are looking for a cute dog name, I’d go with Speck from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. If it is a big dog and you’re looking for something tough, I’d go with Thor. For a small dog in need of an ironic nickname, Hulk or Conan would rock. If you’re looking for funny, my vote is a celebrity name: “Want to go for a walk Julia Roberts?” or “Will Smith, stop humping that guys leg!” Seriously, the comedy writes itself here.

The best part about this entire process is you get to name something. How cool is that? Embrace it. Being able to name something is not something you get to do every day, so enjoy the process. However, I should give you some serious ideas. I mean, this is an advice column. So, I wrote a list of some of my favorite names that should have one of our furry friends named after them: Alfonso, Cate, McConaughey, Dallas, Nebraska, Wolf, Philomena, Captain Phillips, Her or Twelve.

Mike: I’m pretty sure you just grabbed those names from this years Oscar nominees, which must have been the last thing you watched. If we’re going by that criteria, I’ll have to name my dog Magnum P.I. Which is reason enough to get a dog. 


  1. I have to say, one of my favorite podcasts is the one for Green Lantern. Adam, I feel your pain when you say "My world is crumbling!"

    1. I saw that movie and deep down I knew it was terrible but I did everything to convince myself otherwise. That podcast is me coming to terms with how terrible that movie is in real time.

  2. Great column again, nerds. Way to nerd things up. I mean that. Seriousnerdly.

    I loved Green Lantern back when I got into comics in the late '80s. Emerald Dawn, Issue 1 was the first time I paid more than cover price for a book. I think I plunked down a fiver for that one, but it's cool 'cause I still have it and it must be worth MILLIONS by now.

    Quoting movies is a blast, although I look back and cringe on the amount of time my high school self spent quoting Holy Grail and Spinal Tap in a fake British accent. The "fake British accent" phase of adolescence is the worst...

    1. I still haven't grown out of that "fake British accent" phase. My wife LOVES it.

    2. Hey, if it works on the birds! Pip pip! Bob's yer uncle!

  3. My fave Green Lantern on screen was in JUSTICE LEAGUE: NEW FRONTIER. Although an ensemble piece, the main story thread is a retelling of GL’s origin, but with an emphasis on who Hal is before he gets the ring. It's really great. Supes and Batty-boy are in it too, so your non-comic-reading friends won’t be scared away.

    1. New Frontier is one of the greatest comic book movies of all time. Like, top five, and I'm including Dark Knight Returns in that list. I read the comics as well, and OF COURSE they're better than the animated movie, but that movie is still AMAZING. Darwyn Cook captured the essence of those characters like few people ever have and he made the Silver Age seem hopeful and magical instead of hokey and dated.

      Favorite line is Batman talking to Martian Manhunter: "I have a 70,000 dollar sliver of radioactive meteor to stop the one from Metropolis. All I would need with you is a penny for a book of matches."

      THE BEST.

    2. Pardon my misspelling: Darwyn COOKE.

    3. That Batman quote is reason enough for me to check it out. Thanks for the heads-up, guys!

    4. Heath - I consider your animated comic book movie recommendations GOLD - it's on sale so I've ordered it. Amazon thanks you, my credit card not so much.

      And loving the new column Mike and Adam - if only I had you guys's advice growing up - I could have avoided dumb stuff like playing sports and hanging out with the cool kids.

    5. Well thank you Sol! I'm fattered! I mean flattered! Let me know what you think. I bet you like it. And I second that this is a cool column.

  4. Dog names: Ace or Krypto

    Green Lantern: Rebirth, great intro into the character and the growing mythos. I felt that Blackest Night was a bit of a disappointment and it was all down hill from there. But from Rebirth til then, top stuff.
    You haven't seen New Frontier? Get on it Squirts.