Evil Dead (2013)You Dirty Cunt was my father's name
Scream (1996)The back of Neve's tits were disgusting
Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)Return to Blah on Boring Who Cares
Deathgasm (2015)A metal homage to Rami & Jackson.
Guillermo del Toro's CRONOS (1992, Hulu's Criterion Channel) for the first time.Perlman crushes it in two languages, putas!
BREEDERS (1986, Amazon Prime) for the first time.The 'Mathilda May Walking Nude' Appreciation Society.and/orRapier than "The Entity"! Nuder than "Lifeforce"!
FIEND WITHOUT A FACE (1957, Hulu's Criterion Channel) for the first time.Don't have a cow, atomic 'mental vampire.'
Wes Craven's CURSED (2005, Amazon Prime) for the first time.Craven/Williamson collaborations reach diminishing returns point.
Exorcist III (1990)Do giant scissors like this really exist?
Knock Knock (2015)Yet another argument for leaving fucking Facebook.
Dressed to Kill (1980)Jan guesses the twist fifteen minutes in.
Drag Me To Hell (2009)Same Raimi energy, less Raimi practical effects.
Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015)In his nightmares THIS stars Kevin Bacon.
I'm sorry for the postings above - Google is driving me mad...Alien (1979)IMO still the best of the series.
Curious George: A Halloween Boo Fest (2013)Son, eighty five viewings is surely enough!
Tales from the Crypt [S02E10] - The Ventriloquist's Dummy (1990)Less Child's Play and more Basket Case.
Waxwork (1988)Had me at John Rhys Davies Werewolf.
Hellraiser (1987)The Chattering Cenobite is my Christian Grey.
Schizoid (1980)Really? Dr. Love? She had it coming...
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)What if she hadn't dyed her hair?
Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982)Dick Cloth -- never leave home without it.
Invisible Sister (2015) How to define "generic" in seven words?
Red Eye (2005)Nice scarf, deaf adjacent passengers, BOAT ROCKET!!!
Halloween (1978)Blue balls for Michael's sister's boyfriend again
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)Roadside America...kind of the worst, right?
Cruel Jaws (Jaws 5) (1995 TV Movie) Dir. Bruno MatteiThe Godfrey Ho of shark attack films.
Rosemary's Baby (1968)No way, coven sounds like oven, man.
Night of the Dark Full Moon a.k.a Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972) Dir. Theodore GershunyStylish, grimy, oozes 70's filmmaking, loved it.
The Vatican Tapes (2015)This is the very definition of Generic.
Bride of Chucky (1998)Yet another sex mirror related death, tragic.
Galaxy of Terror (1981)The gold standard for "Going Too Far"
Dark Was the NightWendigo? Over there. Bright was the CGI
The Final Girls (2015)Really intelligent, good looking, but not funny.
Dressed to Kill (1980)Cross-dressing slasher has an identity crisis.
Knock Knock (2015)Alternate title: Bitches Be Crazy: The Movie
Dressed to Kill (1980)Sexually needy? Slashy speedy. Blondie bleedy. DePalma!!!
Carnival of Souls (1962)Take as many baths as you want.
Darkness FallsMaybe tooth fairy needs love, perhaps Krampus?
Hansel & Gretel: Witch HuntersUgly parkour witches really jump the shark.
Friday the 13th Part 2Why??? it was Camp Crystal Lake aJASONt
Event HorizonEhh fuck alien, we got space hell!
The Monster SquadGoonies, but with monsters. I loved it.
Poltergeist 3 (1988)makes you hate the name Carol Annehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kruy104qq28&feature=youtu.be
The Descent (2005)Odd theme for a girl's birthday party.
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)I wish it would've been the unicorn.
Killer Legends (2014)I should have watched something else instead.
Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw IIIWaterproof chainsaw? Cool! Movie still sucks though...
Jason X Robot with Magnetic nipples turns me on!
Friday the 13th Part 3sorry for the playoffs of review, i just couldn't help myself.Bahahahahahah....you ate all your fuckin weedBuckle up we got a juggling competition Herbie meets Jason but still not entertaining Man, Jason Voorhees is kind of retardedYeah this fucking thing is in 3D
Tales of Terror (1962)Three Vincents for the Price of one.
Bucket Of Blood (1959)Those sculptures are beautiful... oh, oh no...
Last House On The Left (1972)Brutality, rape, murder, bloody blowjobs... slapstick cops?
Pulse (2005)2 hour nap with some creepy imagery
Chopping Mall (1986) Megaviolent robots must protect the Orange Julius.
Late Night Trains (1975)Hey Craven, Lado saw Virgin Spring too.
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974)Little Known fact: Hippies started the Apocalypse.
Nightmare Maker (1982)Basically the Republicans view of today's America.
Possession (1981)Apparently breaking up is hard to do.orSam Neil screams. Adjani fucks a turnip.
Pranks (1982)The award for douchiest killer goes to...
Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)What Creepshow 2 couldn't afford to show.
The Final Girls (2015)Farmiga causes CGI car accident. Bad Farmiga!
The Mummy (1932)Thank you JB, I have been converted
The Final Girls (2015) Dir. Todd Strauss-SchulsonClever, fun, perfect premise wasted for millennials.
Demonte Colony (2015)We're all gonna die--cue musical number!
Friday the 13th (1980)And she sailed happily off into....AAAAHHHHH!!!
Excision (2012)At least my sister always uses anesthesia.
Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)Use of just the claw still effective
The Final Girls (2014)I wanna see Camp Bloodbath 2 now.
Friday The 13th Part 2 (1981)Baghead Jason doesn't discriminate against the handicapped.
Leprechaun: Origins (2014) You know what's not gold? Origin stories.
Frankenstein (1931)Herrs, fraulines, but no German accents, ever. :-)
Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)Death takes on The Phantom; Scientology wins.
The Midnight Meat Train (2008)Bradley Cooper hangs out on a train.
The Monster Squad (1987)BOGOF Monster sale! (Dracula's brides sold separately.)
Shocker (1989)Craven's Friday Night Lights featuring Horace Pinker.
Horror Of Dracula (1958)Who knew Tarkin was so athletic?
June (2015) Dir. L. Gustavo CooperUhh...Nothing to say, generic as hell.
Valentine (2001)I choo-choo-choose to get Angel a Kleenex.
The Babadook (2014)Just remembered Doug's story of his cellar...
Deathgasm (2015)Enjoyable horror comedy with solid dildo kill
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)Welcome to the camp that dreaded sundown.or"Alice survived first movie? I'll fix that."
Army of Darkness (1993)I'm bad Ash! And you're good Ash!
Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981)Zombie Man-Child Eats His Mothers Boob
Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)Jaws meets Jason. Crispin screwed then corkscrewed.
Orphan (2009)Guilt-free boner thanks to twist ending
Dr. Sardonicus (1961) - A plastic smile and a rigged "election"
Halloween (1978)How did they hide Jamie's giant penis?
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: Mickey's Monster Musical (2015)Mickey has an "evil" twin, Count Mickula!
We Are Still Here (2015, Dir. Ted Geoghegan)Waiter! I ordered my ghosts medium rare.
Scream 4 (2011)New decade. New Rules. Same ol' Shit.
Devil's Due (2014)Don't want to spawn Satan? Use Uber.
The Descent (2005)When your femur torch outlives your friendships.
Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)Guys can have nightmares too. #genderequality
Sorority House Massacre (1986)Poster seems sexy, but haircut ruins it.
Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)Innovative way to resurrect and kill franchise.
Shock Waves (1977)Alternate title: Surf Zombie Nazi's Must Dive
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)Big whoop. It's just an emo kid.
Teeth (2007)Jess Weixler's a fox. I'd risk it.