by Adam Riske
I had a very difficult time watching Ride Along 2. I went to see it on Saturday morning and walked out after 40 minutes to look at posters in the lobby. The movie is so mindless, half-assed and pathetic (it’s barely a movie in that it tells a story) that everything in my body was telling me to get up and leave. I knew I was reviewing this movie so I returned to my seat about 5 minutes later. Then at the 70 minute mark I left for good. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went home and took a nap.
When I woke up from my nap I started to feel guilty. I couldn’t review the movie because I didn’t see major portions of it but I felt bad, like I didn’t give Ride Along 2 a fair shake. So I grabbed my gift card and went to a different theater (I couldn’t brave the chance of a movie theater employee recognizing me from the morning and thinking I was returning to Ride Along 2) and forced myself to sit and watch this movie in its entirety. I just wanted you to know I put a lot of effort into this review.
The plot in brief: They didn’t try so neither will I. It’s a buddy cop movie.
The key ingredient of a buddy cop movie is if you like (or at least are interested in) the buddy cops. In the case of Ride Along and Ride Along 2 (which is worse than the original, if you can even imagine that), I did not. Ice Cube is fine but he’s playing the straight man detective to Kevin Hart’s wacky rookie cop and all Ice Cube really does is scowl and dispense the occasional put-down. We’re almost not designed to like Ice Cube’s character because he’s such a stick in the mud. That could be forgivable if we like Kevin Hart’s character, but I, at least, do not. He’s so incompetent that it stretches the realm of disbelief in accepting that any police force would allow him to work for them.
I say “almost everywhere” because there are two good things about Ride Along 2 and that is the cinematography and the performance by Benjamin Bratt as the film’s (I can’t believe I just wrote the word “film” in reference to Ride Along 2) villain. Bratt is charismatic and seems to be having a lot of fun with his character and the movie is set in the beautiful and cinematic city of Miami, so every shot is at least beautiful to look at. So, I guess Ride Along 2 could have been worse (but probably not).
Generally I have a rule with reviews not to be toxic, unkind, ungenerous, poisonous, or show a lack of charity, but that was all before I saw Ride Along 2. It has to be hard to make a movie this bad. It just had to be entertaining and in that it completely fails. Ride Along 2 is dreadful. I hate this shit!