Saturday, October 1, 2016

Scary Movie Challenge VII (Day 1)

Number seven is Scary Movie heaven.

It's your favorite time of year! You know the drill by now. Every time you watch a HORROR MOVIE during the month of October, add the name of the movie and a SEVEN WORD REVIEW (no more, no less) in the comments section of this post.

As is our tradition, we'll be reading many of our favorite seven word reviews on the podcast(s) each week. We'll try to get to as many as we can, but there are just too many good ones!

Some clarification: You do NOT have to watch a movie every day. They do NOT have to be movies you have never seen. You do NOT have to watch ONLY horror movies (though we don't know why you wouldn't). The goal is just for all of us to work together and get as many seven word reviews as possible.

I know it's tempting to foster discussion based on what everyone is watching, but that's going to throw the count off. Please keep the SMC threads dedicated only to seven word reviews. Each weekend we'll have an open thread where everyone can discuss what they've been watching. Sound good?

Have fun! Be scared! Hide the bodies.

182 comments:

  1. The Beast with a Million Eyes (1955) - The plot with every freaking known cliche!

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  2. Mirrors 2008
    I watched to save Patrick the hassle!

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  3. Drag Me To Hell (2009) dir. Sam Raimi

    White Phillip teaches me to eat deliciously.

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  4. From Beyond (1986)

    The freshly plucked eyeball is the tastiest.

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  5. GREEN ROOM (2016)

    Worst decision WASN'T "Nazi Punks Fuck Off."

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  6. Figured I'd start with a turd, that I always hope that I will find a redeeming quality in (Einstein's definition of insanity).

    A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

    Reboot? Nope. Reimagining? Nope. More like retarded

    First red flag: even Saxon said no.

    Why is Freddy standing on Apple boxes?

    Jump-bores, micronaps, CGWhy? Eat shit Michael Bay

    Oscar nominee Mara gives film's worst performance

    Effective Haley wasted under ball sack makeup

    Somehow insomnia promoting movie induces aggressive drowsiness

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  7. Duel (1971)

    Remember kids, to always pass with care.

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  8. Blood Rage (1987)
    I can't believe
    it's not
    Cranberry Sauce!

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  9. Christine (1983)

    It's automatic, systamaitic, hydromatic, go go go.

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  10. Halloween (2007): Broken home, broken child, and broken logic.

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  11. Halloween (1978): Huh. So He's driving a station wagon.

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  12. The Shining (1980): Room service for 237, beer goggles please

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  13. Wishmaster (1997): Walked out halfway through. Just kidding Adam.

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  14. The Exorcist (1973) (Theatrical Cut)

    Power of Scary Movie Month compels me...

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  15. The Exorcist (1973) (Extended Director's Cut)

    ... to watch horror movies all month long.

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  16. An American Werewolf in London (1981)

    That hospital REALLY cares about its patients.

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  17. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

    I'm 33. Still needed help spelling chianti.

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  18. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Micheal Myers

    Child actress is not Jamie Lee Curtis.

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  19. The Masque of the Red Death (1964)

    Lushius, Extravagant, Extraordionary and that's just Price.

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  20. Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)

    Warning! This Found Footage May Cause Boredom

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  21. Island of Lost Souls (1932)

    House of Pain..., Bela Lugosi..., It's #ScaryMovieMonth!!!!!

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  22. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): More people are killed with a hammer.

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  23. The Witch (2015) Who let the titty pecking crow in?

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  24. The Witch (2015): Black Phillip's The Year of Living Deliciously.

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  25. Pieces (1982)

    What the fuck did I just watch!?!

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  26. Anvil - The Story Of Anvil (2008)
    Because unrealised dreams are scary at 40!

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  27. The Fly (1986)

    Aw what a sweet couple... oh shit!

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  28. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949): Half of this Disney movie kinda qualifies.

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  29. The Woman in Black (2012)

    That was the train to Hogwarts, right?

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  30. Rock a Die Baby (1989)
    Maybe the worst Horror anthology ever made.

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  31. Halloween 3 Season Of The Witch (1982)

    I wanna see Atkins fight Michael Myers

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  32. From Dusk Til Dawn (1996)
    I say 'From Smiles Til Grins'

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  33. Pieces (Mil Gritos Tiene la Noche) (1982) (with FTM! commentary)

    Wait, what? So that's not Bud Spencer?

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  34. Pieces (1982)

    Mike Pence helps make investigations great again.

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  35. JeruZalem - Take these broken wings, and fly again....

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  36. Daybreakers 2009
    Do pushups for child vampire suicide awareness.

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  37. Devils Backbone - Nothing witty to say - its just amazing

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  38. Nightbreed 1990
    Turns out David Cronenberg is a dick!

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  39. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
    Pardon, but there's engineer in my chili.

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  40. The Omega Man (1971)

    Is this a madhouse? IT'S A MADHOUSE!!!

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  41. The Invitation (2015)

    Norm Gunderson is a real wet blanket.

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  42. The Exorcist (1973)

    Dude, those bells are, like, totally tubular.

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  43. Pieces (1982)

    Saw this twice now, thank you FThisMovie!

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  44. Body Bags (1993)
    A who's who of Scary Movie Month

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    Replies
    1. Craven's a natural, Raimi's a bit stiff.

      Delete
  45. The Shining (1980)

    Why don't you have another drink, dad?

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  46. Slither (2006)

    And there's no goddamn fuckin' Mr. Pibb!

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  47. Torso (1973)

    TITS MUSTACHES BONE SAWS TITS DOLLS TITS

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  48. In the Mouth of Madness (1995)

    This Weekend! Hobbs End RibFest! Apocalypse Monday!

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  49. The Fury (1978)

    Prepare mentally to have your mind blown

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  50. Graveyard Shift (1990)

    Rats - why are they Brad Dourif's enemy?

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  51. The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

    My only weakness is that Elsa Lanchester.

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  52. 28 Days Later - Brendan Gleeson with the dead eye stare

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  53. Hauntedween (1991)

    AMAZING! Frat haunted house goes terribly wrong.

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  54. I'm Not a Serial Killer (2016)

    Morgue can bring your true self

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  55. The Death Kiss (1933)
    "Don't get the doctor, George. He's dead."

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  56. The Windmill (2016) (watched 1am last night but still wanted to post)

    Really uneven. Practical effects. Faces get blasted.

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  57. Rubber(2010)

    When rubber meets the road things die

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  58. Dawn of The Dead (1978)

    The priest has one leg? Never noticed.

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  59. Pieces (1982) (With Ftm commentary)
    These aren't my keys!? (Wha waaahh) Krendel!!!

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  60. Trouble Every Day (2001)
    DEAR GOD!! Fuck it, I still would.

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  61. 28 Weeks Later (2007)
    Magic blood saves day, everyone still dies

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  62. The Fog (1980)

    It's a Halloween salad, with spectral dressing.

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  63. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1986)

    Course correction: Freddy's Revenge latently gay. Gasp!

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  64. Pieces (1982)

    Here's when waterbeds went out of fashion.

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  65. Elvira Mistress of the Dark (1988)

    Like a 90 minute sexual harassment video.

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  66. Blue Sunshine (1978)

    Whoa, this acid tastes just like cancer.

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  67. The Manitou (1978)

    My back fetus itches...and hates whites.

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  68. Critters (1986)

    How does this movie have three sequels?

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  69. The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)
    Grandma loses her mind, goes full Spano.

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  70. Pet Sematary (1989)

    Thank God no one buried Zelda there.

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  71. The Shallows (2016)

    Steven Seagull is my new spirit animal.

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  72. Honeymoon (2014)

    We watched this in a cabin - mistake

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  73. Baskin (2016): The makeup on Mickey Rooney was amazing.

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  74. Terror Train (1980)

    One conductors battle against a college virgin.

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  75. Trick r Treat 2007

    So much Cleavage I need some tissues!

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  76. Sleepaway Camp (1983) (With Ftm commentary)
    Which one of you brought corn water?

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  77. Children of the Corn (1984):

    King Joffery panders to the Religious Right.

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  78. The Gift (2015):
    I shoulda listened to Brad Jones sooner!

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  79. The Lazarus Effect (2015)

    Don't they know Sometimes dead is better?

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  80. Victor Frankenstein (2015)

    Igor instead of Fritz? But Fritz rules!

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  81. WNUF HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (2013)

    80s kids: WATCH THIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

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  82. The boy (2016): I should've watched people under the stairs

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  83. The Curse of the Plywood (2015)

    Piece of plywood stalks nudists? I'm in!

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  84. The Amityville Horror (1979):

    Margot Kidder was a stone cold fox.

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  85. Fright night 2 1988


    Holy shit! I forgot about RollerSkating Vampires

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  86. The Purge: Anarchy (2014)

    Nice to see Carpenter still making movies

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  87. Idle Hands (1999)

    Holy shit, I just get hairy palms.

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  88. DON'T GO IN THE WOODS (1981)

    Batter up -- it's Sleeping Bag Pinata time.

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  89. Pieces (1982) w/ Fthismovie commentary

    Shudder account has been justified early on.

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  90. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

    Heather's narration is scarier than the witch.

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  91. The New York Ripper

    "Essence of things lies in subtlety" "Bullshit"

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  92. Possession (1981)

    Don't cry over spilt milk. Not pretty.

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  93. Hatchet II (2010)

    A J'S decapitated while he Ray Js.

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  94. Video Violence (1987)

    Please adjust tracking, then hit eject. Thanks.

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  95. Prom Night (1980)

    Curtis scream underutilized, disco dancing utilized perfectly.

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  96. Tales from the Crypt (1972) and The Vault of Horror (1973):

    None of them knew they were dead.

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  97. La Cabina (1972)
    Redbox' original business model was less successful.

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  98. The Relic (1997)

    A likeable Sizemore performance? Surely you jest.

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  99. Hand of Death (1962) [youtube] - John Agar sucks....life out of people.

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  100. Dracula (1931)

    Better than I remembered. Renfield's the man!

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  101. BLOODY BIRTHDAY (1981)

    Not used to screaming "KILL THOSE KIDS!"

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  102. Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

    Frank to Sandra: "Over here's the window..."

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  103. Scanners (1981)

    Best head explosion in history of cinema

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  104. What We Do in the Shadows (2015) dir. Taika Waititi

    Hollywood is finally embracing alternative sandwich love.

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  105. Under the Shadow (2016)

    Who knew Djinn's get under my skins?

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  106. The Amityville Horror (2005) [comettv] - Faux The Shining with more kids...blah.

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  107. PIECES (1982)

    Calling this crazy is selling it short.

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  108. Dracula (1931)

    This guy is doing a terrible Dracu-Doug.

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  109. 'We Need to Talk About Kevin' (2011)

    Damn, WB. Flash's origin story is dark.

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  110. The Burning (1981) (With Ftm commentary)
    Really want a Big Mac right now.

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  111. Eraserhead (1978)

    My brain has been Lynched...gang Lynched.

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  112. ParaNorman

    Watched with my parents. Delightful horror homage!

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  113. The Neon Demon (2016):

    One helluva start to Scary Movie Month.

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  114. Final Destination (2000)

    DEATH: Want to play Mousetrap? ME: Nah...

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  115. The Omega Man(1971) Moses versus Neville...who wins that fight?

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  116. The Witch (2015)
    Rabbits and rams lead to flying fun.

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  117. Kuroneko (1968)
    Samurai learn never to mess with pussy.

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  118. 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

    Incredibly tense thriller, and WOW THE ENDING

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  119. Jaws (1975)

    Actually alcohol does save lives, from sharks!

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  120. The Legend of Hell House (1973)

    Dramatic close-ups. Possession. Roddy McDowall slow burn.

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  121. The Hole (2009, Joe Dante)

    Knew I was right in fearing pools

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  122. The Shallows (2016)

    Seriously shark whale carcass right over there!

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  123. Gavin Leahy OctoberOctober 1, 2016 at 8:45 PM

    The Night Flier (1997) - Stephen King Marathon

    Red eye flights may cause neck pains.

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  124. The House of The Devil (2009)

    For the next eclipse, I'ma stay home...

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  125. The Devil Inside (2012)

    To see ending, go to website. What???

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  126. Holidays (2015) dir. I'm not gonna name everyone (by segment)

    Valentine's Day - Markie Mark did it better in Fear.

    St. Patrick's Day- Dad has great hair, like Markie Mark.

    Easter - "I think we just found bunny Jesus"

    Mother's Day - "Trying to birth the Antichrist?"
    "Whaaaaat? Nooooo!"

    Father's Day - Voiceover more wicked awesome if Markie Mark.

    Halloween - Kevin Smith's writing as subtle as Entourage.

    Christmas - Shamelessly rips off plot of Daddy's Home.

    New Year's - I've had worse first dates............Markie Mark.

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  127. Blood Punch (2014)

    Props, props, props, forshadowing for the daft.

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  128. From A Whisper To A Scream (1987)

    Old Benjamin Button gives sister last bath.

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  129. Misery(1990)

    It's true...Misery surely does love company.

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  130. As Above, So Below (2014)

    Zed didn't die, baby. Zed didn't die.

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  131. The Invisible Man (1933)

    Rude fake nose floats about town, tormenting

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  132. Pieces (1982):

    It's like Clue! Nevermind, it's that guy.

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  133. Cat People (1942)

    Fear of emotion portrayed by stuffed panther.

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  134. The Shining (1980)

    Jack Nicholson's crazy? That's so unlike him...

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  135. Ringu (1998, Japanese original)

    Concept ripe for remake. To be continued...

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  136. Insidious (2010)

    Lipstick Demon was my nickname during college.

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  137. Young Frankenstein (1974)

    "To the lumber yard!" Kemp is gold.

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  138. Pieces (1982)

    Mike Pence's fear of women fever dream.

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  139. Carrie (1976)

    Still was better than my senior prom.

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  140. The Shallows (2016)

    The ballad of the unkillable Mr. Seagull.

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  141. The Descent (2005)

    An Alternate title: The Caves Have Ears

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  142. Most Likely to Die (2016) dir. Anthony DiBlasi

    No pun here. This movie is shit.

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  143. AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981)

    A naked American man stole my balloons.

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  144. Stephen King's Cat's Eye (1985)

    "Cat's Crash Fever" aka. "Ciggy Tar Lust"

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  145. DARLING (2016)

    Hilarious light-hearted remake of breakfast at Tiffany's

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  146. Horrors Of Malformed Men (1969)
    Spectacular sequences of nonsense save this mess

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  147. The Fog(1980)

    Weather report is in, death by fog.

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  148. Maniac Cop (1988)
    Wait... New York only has one? Ludicrous!

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  149. Tusk (2014)

    Johnny Depp is unrecognizable as an iceberg.

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  150. The Descent 2
    Iconic blood pool is sequel's shit joke

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  151. TOURIST TRAP (1979)

    This sex doll infomercial killed my boner.

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  152. Pieces

    Mike Pence is a real dick...shadow.

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  153. The Grudge (2004)

    Like Ju-On with mostly boring white people.

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  154. Shakma (1990)

    Shock the monkey? No. Incinerate the baboon.

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  155. Final Destination 3 (2006)

    Came for M.E.W. Stayed for U.V. death.

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  156. Pieces (1983)

    "Bad chop suey"...Get it? GET IT????

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  157. Flesh For Frankenstein (1973)

    Always fuck life in the gall bladder.

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  158. Cat's Eye (1985)

    On edge, a ledge, high kitty milage

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  159. Cabin Fever(2002)

    The dissolving of friendships....quite literally yikes!

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  160. GHOSTHOUSE (1988)

    Crazy, but more crazy woulda been welcome.

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  161. #31DaysOfHorror
    House on Haunted Hill (1999)
    Funhouse ride. Good scares, great KNB effects.

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  162. The Conjuring 2 (2016)
    Demons, stealing Marilyn Manson’s look since 1980

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  163. Darling (2015)
    Disney princess kills in black and white

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  164. Tokyo Gore Police (2008)
    This could've been avoided with peripheral vision

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  165. Final Destination 2 (2003)

    Pointless, non-sensical mythology but kinda fun anyway.

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  166. The Mummy (1932)

    I thought Brendan Fraser was in this?

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  167. The Sacrament (I tried to do this from my phone last night, so I'm sorry if this is a duplicate)

    No Jonestown For Old Men ... and fire!

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  168. Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

    Monster good. Tiny people in jars weird.

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  169. Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

    Freddy got (drug filled hypodermic syringe) fingered.

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  170. Rosemary's Baby - This is why I don't want kids.

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  171. Bone Tomohawk - This film truly releases your inner everything

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    Replies
    1. First thought regarding the reply: "What kind of douchebag needs to correct the spelling of Tomahawk right there?"

      Second thought: "Oh ..."

      Delete
  172. Child's Play (1988)

    SAFETY RECALL NOTICE: May cause unnecessary sequelization

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  173. Neon demon - the fashion business is shallow, didn't know

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  174. 31 (2016)

    No way Midget Hitler survived previous games!

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  175. The Hitcher (1986)

    Was Jennifer Jason Leigh taller after 1986?

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  176. Tales From the Darkside: The Movie (1990)

    I didn't know Gargoyles are hopeless romantics.

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  177. The Devil's Backbone (2001)

    What a weird sequel to Doctor Strangelove...

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  178. Scream: Edvard Munch would be so proud

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