Sunday, June 11, 2017

Junesploitation Day 11: Animals!

Their crime was against nature. Nature found them guilty!

93 comments:

  1. ANIMALS! DOUBLE TROUBLE:

    WILD BEASTS (1984, 91 min.) on Amazon Prime for the first time.

    DING! DING! DING! WINNAH, WINNAH!

    Step right here, step right up! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the greatest show in "a northern European city!" [ED. It's fucking Germany, we can read the street signs and every character has a German name!] We've got the most amazing denizens of the animal kingdom going wild when PCP gets mixed into the city's drinking water supply. We've got painted-black white rats devouring teens doing the nasty in a parked car. That's right, bloody BOOBIES! We've got the most dangerous polar bear attack caught on film since the ending of "Road House." The airplane crash in "Die Hard 2"? Peanuts compared to the one a pack of elephants cause at the airport runway. You think your train commute to work sucks? Try it with an angry tiger you can't grab by his tail. Think you can get away on your sports convertible roadsters? Our high-as-a-kite cheetah begs to disagree. Come one, come all ladies and gentlemen! Feast on the orgy of animal abuse and porn mustache excess that is John Aldrich's face. This and lots more, only if you can survive the attack of the "Wild Beasts!"

    Except for a not-insignificant portion of the story taken by scientists trying to find out what's causing the animals to go crazy (hint: look at your own freaking tagline, people!), "Wild Beasts" is everything you could ever hope for when the words 'Italian' and 'animal rampage' join forces in the same flick. This is what the last half-hour of Spielberg's "The Lost World" could have been if that movie had any balls, no MPAA rating and a German city cooperating with the filmmakers. They just don't make pictures like this since the advent of CG, which I'm sure the relatives of the tigers convulsing and the rats being torched to death on-camera appreciate. Genuinely disturbing at times, "Wild Beasts" is nevertheless as fun and balls-to-the-wall exploitative as Junesploitation! flicks get. GERMAN-ENGINEERING-MY-ASS-SPLOITATION! :-P


    PROJECT X (1987, 107 min.) on Netflix Instant for the first time.

    Musician James Horner, cinematographer Dean Cundey and Matthew Broderick (hot off his breakthrough "Ferris Bueller" role) are clearly slumming in this anti-military, preachy tale of U.S. Air Force pilots training chimpanzees and monkeys to fly simulated military missions. Helen Hunt crushes it as the "mother" of a sign language-trained chimpanzee, but she's absent for most of the flick. William Sadler plays his usual a-hole role to great effect, so much that I found myself siding more with him than Broderick's good guy. As if the extensive use of Peter Gabriel's 'Shock the Monkey' and the simian cast getting top billing over the human actors didn't already indicate it, "Project X" is a sanitized-by-Hollywood depressing little flick the whole family can enjoy IF parents can explain to their kids why Bueller and Goliath smoke like sailors. Cool-for-the-time flying simulator graphics too. PILOTWINGS64-SPLOITATION! :-D

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  2. Grizzly (1976)

    He's smarter than the average bear.

    Christopher George has an odd charisma, it totally works but in a shlubby kind of way, but I like it. The movie itself is fine. Though I could have sworn for the first few kills the bear had a foot fetish, anytime some said they were going to take off their shoes or dip their feet in the stream the bear would appear.

    It was a fun way to spend a Sunday arvo.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. HA! A bear with a foot fetish sounds like winner to me. Totally gonna watch this in the near future. Thanks!

      Speaking of Bear's I watched Backcountry a little ways back and it had the most disturbing bear attack I've ever seen.

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    3. The bear attack in Backcountry was pretty brutal. I liked the movie, but was frustrated by how easily they got lost. It was a spot that he visited every summer, and it appeared to be just a single trail they were following. Just follow the trail back numbskulls.

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  3. Don't Breath (2016)

    I showed this to my partner for the first time. I didn't it would count for animal day, however there is the terminator-esqu rottweiler that doesn't quit. I forgot how good that vent scene is! So this movie kinda counts.

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  4. Arachnophobia (1990)

    I totally chickened out and didn't watch this. I already had a lifetime of nightmares as a young teenager, thank you very much...so instead I watched

    Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

    "I wonder who the real cannibals are?", the last spoken line of the movie questions. The ones eating people, of course! Thankfully, there is only one spider in this.

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    1. Arachnophibia always always freaked me out as well. Though the smaller spiders they used were from New Zealand! Apparently completely harmless but insanely scary looking! Acctually that is a common thing in N.Z

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    2. Ha ha ha ha!!!!
      Person: "Ooooh, Arachnophobia!! I've been wanting to watch this since I was a kid!"
      Paul: "Spiders?!? Ach, icky, no!! Can't we watch something a little less upsetting?"
      Person: "Okay, like what?"
      Paul: "CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST"

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    3. I understand where Paul is coming from, Matt. The first time I watched John Carpenter's The Thing, the part that really got to me was the scene in which they slice open their thumbs. I've never had my lower arms cut off by a mouth that suddenly appeared in the chest of someone on whom I was performing CPR (like I'd step in to save someone if they were having a heart attack), but I have accidentally cut myself open. That is something I can relate to.

      Similarly, I've never encountered any cannibals (there's been rumours in my family for years about Uncle Alfonse and Aunt Jessica, but I've never paid these any mind. If they want to insist that they never actually had any children, that's a truth I'm prepared to accept, and my memories of my cousins must be false. Nonnymouse doesn't like to rock any boats), but I do have a lifelong terror of spiders. Arachnophobia is a scarier movie to me than Cannibal Holocaust because of this.

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    4. Nonnymouse, how DARE you display logic and a keen understanding of human nature on this site?

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    5. I just thought it was funny that the Spielberg produced PG-13 horror-comedy starring Jeff Daniels was too intense, so Paul turned it off so he could relax with what is arguably the most tasteless and insensitive movie ever made. :) "That spider's (possibly) about to bite that baby!! Couldn't we watch a real live tortoise getting hacked up, or a lady being impaled through her vagina instead?" No judgment intended, I love both movies, and between the two, I'd pick CH any day myself.

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    6. CH was ugly and quite cruel, but there were no parts that were creepy. But freaking spiders...ugh. I nearly had a head on collision once when a spider jump-scared me by "appearing" on my arm when I was driving.
      The movie is probably way less intense than I remember, but I dare not risk it.

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  5. Link (1986)

    Elisabeth Shue vs. a killer ape. It's actually fairly well made and I liked it for the most part but the Animal category is probably the one that it's always going to be hardest for me to get into. Violence perpetrated by and against animals just isn't my thing. Unless it's Planet of the Apes or Jaws. Those movies are pretty great.

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  6. Shakma (1990):

    Everyone looks very bored in this very, very boring movie.

    Over.

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    1. I was high the one time I watched this, and lemme tell you, in said state, that baboon made an impression.

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  7. Alligator (1980)

    Yeah, Ramon is a big boy. I had a ton of fun. The script (of course it was a John Sayles script) was smart, Robert Foster and Robin Riker had things to figure out. I liked some of the surprise shots with the Alligator. Just the way he would lurk around behind the action or bursting out of different places or in swimming pools. Yes, a Jaws rip off but a really good one.

    Though one thing I noticed with both this and Grizzly was how that Williams-esque Jaws score kept creeping in.

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    1. Yeah, both movies really desperately wanted to be Jaws. Any movie that someone was able to pitch to a backer as being similar was managing to get made. Even the crazier-than-fuck Japanese movie House started as a Jaws knock-off. The thing that surprised me with Alligator was how much of a cop movie it was, over being a monster movie. I guess Jaws was too, but you notice it a lot less (esp. since Brody was a family man.)

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    2. True, I constantly forget Brody was Sheriff. But I guess in Jaws the stakes are connected to Brody's family as he's trying to protect them more than anything. Though, the sequels took that to silly levels.

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  8. Shaun the Sheep (2015, The Movie):
    Such a delight. I remenber srttling down each week with my siblings, who were very young at the time, looking forward to the new episode. We would frewuently be joinrd by my parents and my grandpa, and we would all joyfully sing the theme song. So I miggt be a bit biased, but I will let Aardman's record speak for itself! They are just a joyful studio. Very easy and light viewing, a good one to bring your kids into the junesploitation fun (If you're interested Sol haha) :)

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    1. God bless Aardman studios. I'm going to work Curse of the Were-Rabbit in this month somehow, in honor of Mr. Sallis.

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    2. They are wonderful, and a great idea!

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    3. I had never heard of Curse of the Were Rabbit, but will check it out. Shaun the Sheep (the movie) was a bit hit in our household.

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    4. Let me know what you think Paul :)

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  9. Grizzly (1976)

    File this under "not all PG ratings are created equal." The gore effects are surprisingly grisly (no pun intended), and this may be the only PG movie in existence to feature a horse decapitation. This is so close to Jaws, the "evil bureaucrat" actors in them could be twins.

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    1. LoL I didn't know that, that puts the movie in a slightly different light for me now

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  10. Earth vs. the Spider (1958, dir. Bert I. Gordon)
    The first half of this is solid gold. Small desert town, golly-gosh teens, a photographically superimposed tarantula, a skeptical, scoffing sheriff, a handsome high school science teacher, and a top-notch theremin score. But it ends up being about kids stuck in a cave, and though it's a short ass movie, during the whole final act I was ready for it to end. Mr. B.I.G. finds some great ways to promote his other photo-superimposition opuses: the male love interest works at a movie theater showing The Amazing Colossal Man, and when his girlfriend calls him to help her look for her missing dad, he says "I dunno, we're showing this new Puppet People picture, and it looks pretty wild!" If you're looking for a very representative fifties monster movie, this is one of the best, but go for Giant Gila Monster instead.

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    1. Strays (1991, dir. John McPherson)
      To me, '90s made-for-TV movies have a very particular feel, especially if, like this one, they star Timothy Busfield! Co-starring Kathleen Quinlan, this is about a family moving into a new house infested with killer cats. Loved it, but there ain't much to it; it's hilariously unconvincing in making a collection of kats seem threatening, and the final, supposedly ominous shot, is of a sweet lil kitten. I wonder if I'll ever be able to sell my script that's just Timothy Busfield and Charles Martin Smith making out for an hour and a half.

      Orca, the Killer Whale (1977, dir. Michael Anderson)
      I hate taking the official recommendations Patrick gives us (only because there are so many movies for us to watch that I don't want to just go for the obvious,) but I had been meaning to see this forever. I already knew about the fetus, which was great, but nothing else. This is a surprisingly downbeat story about obsession and grief. The filmmakers do a good job of making the whale come off as genuinely threatening. There's some pretty obvious miniature work, but I love pretty obvious miniature work. I got real thrown off for a minute because Peter Hooten is in this, but so is an actor named Scott Walker, and I was all like "wait, was that the Scott Walker???" No, it's a different one.

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    2. The Doberman Gang (1972)
      They're Dobermans, you've trained them to rob a bank, I get it. ...Sheesh. Not terribly exciting.

      Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell (1978)
      This is more like it! Richard Crenna and the kids from Escape to Witch Mountain in an Omen knock-off with a dog instead of a kid? Thanks, Satan! More made-for-TV good cheesiness.

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    3. Killer Crocodile aka Murder Alligator(!) (1989)
      Ha ha, alright! Italians do it better, always. A ridiculous big fake croc, mutated by toxic waste, picks off members of an environmental activism team. A hard-as-nails swamp hermit goes all Captain Ahab on it. Apparently, the director was a mailman before he began making movies. I dunno, it all seems very charming to me for some reason. During the opening credits, I noticed that "hey, this music is great!" Bam! Riz Ortolani's name popped up right then. I shoulda known, man.

      Zoltan, Hound of Dracula (1978)
      Besides the novelty of Michael Pataki, of all people, being cast as a family man AND Dracula, and of dogs with vampire fangs biting other dogs and making turning them into vampires, there isn't much to recommend this Albert Band project on. It's all set on a camping ground(!!) and has the two goony henchmen from The Doberman Gang in it (a weird coincidence. Maybe they act and train Dobermans?) The last shot truly rivals the one from Strays.

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  11. Alligator (1980)

    It's a story as old as time. Man flushes baby alligator. Alligator eats rats full of experimental drugs and becomes comically large. Carnage ensues.

    This was actually really good. There's a scene with some kids at a pool that I can't believe they included that is still etched in my brain.

    This is a VHS box cover I remember as a kid and I've always wanted to watch. Glad I did.

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    1. That reveal shot in the pool is cool. Though its the reaction that stayed with me. An almost whoops - mom!

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  12. Blue Water, White Death (1971) (First Time Viewing):

    Amazing documentary about the quest to film a live great white shark. The crew (including a hippie folk-singer for some reason) follow whaling ships off South Africa to film sharks feeding on whale carcasses. Watching some whales get harpooned is one of the more horrifying things I've been seen in a while. I started rooting for the sharks at about the hour mark. Seriously, these dickheads inexplicably get out of their cages at one point and start prodding the sharks with makeshift cattle prods as they circle them, really hurting some of the sharks for no reason. There is some pretty wild footage captured here so I would recommend if you can stomach the cruelty.

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    1. I saw this a couple years ago or so. The cruelty is striking but it is a fascinating documentary. The weird thing is that it is directed by the same nuthead, unless I'm wrong, who is prominently featured in the documentary. And he still left the ugly stuff in.

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  13. Roar (1981, dir. Noel Marshall)

    Amazing, just amazing. Not that the movie is particularly good, but the fact that it got made at all is amazing. I'm sure most here know the story, but animal lovers Noel Marshall and Tippi Hedren adopted dozens of big cats and made a movie with them, a lot of the time just rolling the camera and seeing what happens. Reportedly 70 members of the cast and crew, including all of the main cast, were injured by the animals, among them Melanie Griffith getting mauled and requiring 50 stitches on her face, cinematographer Jan de Bont practically scalped by a lion's teeth (120 stitches) and Noel Marshall himself developing gangrene from the repeated maulings.

    It's more of a curiosity than an actually good movie and it's a tough watch at times, but I'm glad I did see it. No need to ever see it again though.

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    1. Roar is one of the most intense movies I have ever seen. My heart was pounding during most of the runtime. Nothing like it.

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  14. The Legend of Tarzan (2016)

    Ok, it's a cheat, but he's an ape man so that totally counts, right? Also, it's pretty good! Alexander Skarsgaard is Tarzan and Margot Robbie is (a terrific) Jane and they're facing off against the nefarious Christoph Waltz, because of course he's the bad guy, he's the architect of all your pain. Also, it's refreshing to see Samuel L. Jackson playing a good guy in a movie like this for a change.

    While the movie has a fun, pulpy spirit, there is an over-reliance on CGI and green screen that can be very distracting. All of the animals are CGI (not surprisingly), and it gives them a weightless quality that kept me at arm's length whenever they were given center stage. Once you get past that there's a lot of fun to be had, though. It doesn't wink at the audience the way The Phantom or The Shadow did (full disclosure: I'm a big fan of both of those movies) but it also displays a spirit of fun adventure the whole way through. A good movie for a rainy Sunday afternoon.

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  15. Godzilla (2014)

    I wasn't sure I was gonna watch this, because maybe it's more of a monster movie? But then I thought, to hell with it. It's junesploitation and I do what I want. And then a character referred to Godzilla as an animal and I was like, boom! Nailed it. Also, this movie was kinda boring. I put in a load of laundry and didn't even bother pausing. I don't think I missed anything.

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    1. Sure Godzilla is barely in the movie called Godzilla, but the awesome characters and story make up for it right? I hate that movie. #FordBrody

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    2. Human beings are animals, too. You can literally watch any movie that's ever been released on Animal Day. Even a documentary about fungi was made by animals. I listened to Patrick and JB's podcast today about Galaxy Quest and it's really made me want to watch that movie again. My favourite bit of dialogue: "Alex, where are you going?" "To see if there's a pub!" Rickman's delivery of this line cracks me up every time.

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    3. Ford Brody is presumably a member of the Brody clan from Jaws, yes? I plan to watch that amazing movie this evening, along with Frogs from 1972, which I have never seen, and the aforementioned Galaxy Quest.

      By Grabthar's hammer, smile you amphibian son of a bitch.

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  16. Lake Placid (1999)
    I've seen this a few times so I have some thoughts on the movie:
    -Why the hell did they call it Lake Placid? I get It's a play on the juxtaposition of a calm lake with a huge croc terrorizing the depths. But it doesn't take place at Lake Placid. The lake is Black Lake. They even joke that they wanted to call the lake "Lake Placid", but that name was already taken.
    - The Croc only kills a couple people, and some animals. For a rampaging giant animal movie, that's pretty gentle.
    - It can't decide if it's a killer animal movie parody, or a straight faced killer animal movie. Some of the actors are playing it like parody, some are in the straight faced movie.
    - But the biggest question:
    If this movie is kind of a mess, doesn't really know what it is, and doesn't deliver a giant animal rampage, why oh why is it so damn watchable?
    Cause it is. I've seen it too many times to argue that it is not.

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    1. All the points you make are dead on. Especially the watchability of this freaking movie. Just seeing you mention this movie means I now have to watch it sometime today. I was actually humming Jammin as I read your post. That scene always has me leaving the movie with a grin.

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    2. I guess I meant to say I was humming "I Wanna Love Ya". Oh well the sentiment remains the same.

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  17. Still posting about Finnish movies. Let me know when you guys get sick of it.

    Bunny the Killer Thing (2015, dir. Joonas Makkonen)

    A Finnish horror movie filled with nudity, sex jokes, dick jokes, gay jokes, racist jokes, misogyny and gallons of blood. Of course the makers have said it's a parody of misogynous, homophobic and racist movies, but I'm not sure I got that from it at all.

    The story, such as it is, is about a half-man-half-rabbit monster with a big dick terrorising a partying group of young people in a cabin and trying to rape anything that even remote resembles a vagina. So you know, your typical family-friendly comedy plot.

    I applaud anyone trying to do something different in this country, but the movie is not good. I didn't find it disgusting, as most Finnish critics I've read have, but it's hard to find anything positive to say either. I can name two scenes that made me chuckle: one surpising musical cue that unfortunately won't travel, and one surprisingly inventive gore gag. I might recommend this to big fans of Troma movies (one of whom I am not), that's definitely a major source of inspiration here.

    The trailer gives you a pretty good idea of what the movie is.

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    1. Just saw the trailer. Looks a little too subtle for my taste. Although I did like that one "dildo point of view" shot.

      How can this be a bad movie? It has ALL those citations and awards!

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    2. Jesus, this looks fucking bananas!

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  18. Open Water (2003):

    I couldn't wait for these two to bite it.

    Oh, pun absolutely intended.

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    1. Out on the shore we laugh and play
      Under the sea we pass away
      Since you lost your boating
      Your body be floating
      Under the sea

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    2. I was surprised that this movie was so highly praised. Sure, it's amazing what they did with the budget they had, but a huge chuck of the movie the actors are just standing in neck high water, pretending to be swimming.

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    3. I wasn't a huge fan either, Paul.

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  19. Stanley (1972, dir. William Grefé)

    A Native American man has a bunch of snakes as his only friends, and anytime someone pisses him off he has the snakes attack. It's a really slow movie but not a bad one, more interested in drama than in fun killer snake thrills. My favorite thing about it is that the main rattlesnake is named Stanley, only because that's a funny name for a snake. I watched it on DVD, but it's streaming on Shudder if anyone is interested.

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  20. Shark Night 3D (2011)

    A bunch of collage kids are presumably spring breaking at a friends swank island in the middle of a salt water lake. I think you know where this is headed. However, I got to say this movie is the gold standard for peeps getting munched on by CG sharks…well maybe Deep Blue Sea, but the point is it’s worth a watch if you like aquatic horror (I REALLY DO). Not to mention Sara Paxton showing that she can do more than just paranormal investigation. Will she fair better against sharks than she did ghosts? Tune in to find out.

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  21. Bolt (2008): The best thing abojt this movie is Rhino the hamster. To echo his words, he is aaawwesome. More hamsters in movies please!

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  22. Frogs (1972, director George McCowan)

    A pre-moustache Sam Elliot in double denim. An acid-tongued, wheelchair-bound patriarch played by Ray Milland. What's not to love?

    This.

    I've waited about twenty-five years to see Frogs, and now I wish I hadn't. It was much scarier in my imagination.

    I don't want to watch amphibians killing someone by pushing bottles marked "poison" off greenhouse shelves; I want to see them chewing the person's flesh off. I don't want to watch — SPOILERS — Milland die of a heart attack at the film's climax; I want to see the titular creatures... again, chew the flesh from his body.

    This movie is no Slugs is what I'm saying. Also, that I like flesh-chewing. I didn't even know that about myself until just now.

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    1. Should probably check out Cannibal Holocaust, then.

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    2. I've seen it, Matt.

      I've also seen Deep Rising before, and I'm watching it again now.

      It is awesome. That's one of the things I love about this site: I don't have to hide my love of movies like Deep Rising.

      My name is Robbi, and I love Deep Rising, Ghost Ship and the remake of 13 Ghosts.

      There, I said it.

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  23. KING OF KONG ISLAND (1968)
    Jungle adventurers come across a tribe of scantily-clad wild women, and a mad scientist with mind-controlled apes. That might sound awesome, but the whole thing is so meandering and cheaply made that there’s not a lot of fun here. Surprisingly impressive ape makeup, though.

    CROAKED: FROG MONSTER FROM HELL (1982)
    Unbelievably dull Troma movie about people going on a camping trip in search of a rare fossil, and the filmmakers keep forgetting that this is supposed to be about a frog monster. It’s… just… so… boring…

    QUEEN KONG (1976)
    I expected giant ape action, and instead I got English comedy. (Ape-solutely Fabulous?) It’s a fully gender-swapped King Kong, with a hardass female Denham and a clueless good-looking guy in the Fay Wray role. It’s very ‘70s and very, very English. Honestly, I laughed a lot. It’s dumb and goofy, but endearingly so. It won me over right from the start.

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  24. Alligator (1980, director Lewis Teague)

    A shedload of fun, and a perfect antidote to the big dull dud that was Frogs. I will never allow anyone to push me off a diving board again, just in case there's a huge-as-fuck crocodilian in the waters below ready and willing to eat me all up. Why do I let people do that? I need new friends.

    Jerks.

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  25. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014, dir. James Gunn) on Amazon Video

    Because Rocket Raccoon.

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  26. Piranha 3D (2010)

    Prehistoric Piranaha munch on naked and intoxicated lake patrons. Jerry O’Connell pulls off the role of a lifetime. Lots of boobs and blood, smells like June to me.

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  27. Roar (1981)

    If this was shot more like a documentary and I didn't know anything about it, it probably would have been the most harrowing movie experience of my life. As a movie it's pretty stupid - but I couldn't even really pay attention to the plot anyway, it's pretty much all about wondering if a lion is going to accidentally slice someone's throat open or take the play-chewing too far and eat a hand. I'd have to say it's worth the watch for the pure "What the fuck were they thinking?!" value.

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    1. I've probably watched most of this movie, but in 5-10 minutes random chunks while eating breakfast/etc. It's very entertaining to watch that way. The shear number of lions in some of those scenes, in close quarters no less, WITH HUMANS MIXED IN, is nuts!

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    2. Right?! Like, a bunch of people and FIVE untrained lions isn't crazy enough, let's make it TWENTY untrained lions, throw in a handful of tigers, panthers and cheetahs and do it all inside a house, fuck it!

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    3. I had pretty much the same feeling watching it, I couldn't see it as a narrative movie, all I could think of was the making of it. At no point were there characters on the screen for me, they were actors working in dangerous circumstances.

      I'm toying with the idea of showing it to some friends of mine without telling them anything in advance, see what they think of it.

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  28. Babe (1995)

    I love this movie and was excited to show it to my daughters. They both dug it, but my 5 year-old declared it wasn't as good as Captain Underpants. We haven't spoken to each other since.

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    1. When will these kids learn? How can a pig compete with underwear?

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    2. I remember being a kid and my mom liking this movie more than I did, and just kind of going along with it for her sake. I don't speak with her any more, so watch your step, there, Mike. :)

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    3. If my "new" mom was Kate from "Lost" I wouldn't talk to Mike Pomaro either. :-P

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  29. Lake Placid 1999

    Gigantic crocodile munches on some respectable lake goers and a bear. Brendan Gleeson and Oliver Platt never cease to entertain me in this flick. Now the days lake trilogy is complete. It was a good day.

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  30. Eaten Alive (1976)

    This is the film director Tobe Hooper made a couple years after The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It centers around a deranged man who runs a hotel near a swamp and anyone who crosses his path gets to meet his pet crocodile. So... it's basically Psycho with reptiles. Just a little sleazier. It definitely makes the perfect film for today's theme.

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  31. Day of the Animals (1977)
    Damage to the ozone causes wild animals to terrorize a group of hikers (including Leslie Nielsen and human cigarette, Christopher George).

    I think the thing that impressed me the most is the animal footage and effects. Besides a few hilarious exceptions, the animal scenes are all surprisingly intense and realistic. The plot is pretty one-note, and some of the characters are just plain annoying, but it's an entertaining watch with some great action moments.

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    1. Sounds pretty awesome. Adding this to the queue. I think #HCCG needs his own day in Junesploitation 2018. He's earned it.

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    2. I don't know who this gentleman was, or why you chaps would refer to him as a human cigarette, but it sounds pretty mean from where I'm sitting.

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    3. Watch Pieces (1982), and then listen to the Ftm commentary for it, and you'll understand. On top of understanding the joke, you'll be seeing both my favorite horror and exploitation movie at the same time.

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    4. The human cigarette! Yes! I was trying to find a way of describing Christopher George before - that is perfect!

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    5. M'kay, will do. This guy had an entire life and career, though.

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  32. Deep Rising (1998, director Stephen Sommers)

    I must have seen this movie about fifty times. The CGI is rough as a badger's bum, but it's not about the special effects. You've got your Treat Williams, your Famke Janssen, your Kevin J. O'Connor, your Anthony Heald. You've got sea serpents, gore aplenty, humour, hubris, compound fractures and jet skis.

    Superlative sea monster schlock, we shall know ye by your name: Deep Rising.

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  33. Cujo (1983)

    I could go on and on but I won't because I know this movie has its fans. Cujo made me feel terrible and I wish I watched something else.

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    Replies
    1. Coulda watched Paulie. Just sayin'.

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  34. The Jungle Book (1994)

    This is kind of a strange movie. A small Indian boy gets lost in the jungle, where he is raised by wolves into a Chinese man. He fights one python (Kaa), befriends another (Cleese) and falls in love with Cersei. I think Stephen Sommers really wanted to make a Tarzan movie and decided this was close enough. It's pretty good, I guess. Sommers would do this same thing much better with the Mummy a few years later. I remember not loving it as a kid because I only knew Cary Elwes from the Princess Bride and didn't like seeing him play the bad guy.

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  35. Day of the Animals (1977)

    The Ozone Layer is like totally depleted so like animals will become aggressive because of like the son, man. Look, hippy. There is no ozone layer. That is a myth. We are doing fine. Pay no attention to scientists. They are idiots who went to school for too long. They've forgotten about the real world. It still gets cold. Is the ozone layer asleep in the winter? The world's flat anyway. 5 out of 10

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  36. Pet Sematary (1989)

    Somehow I had gone this long without apparently knowing anything about this movie so I went in pretty cold. Needless to say I thought there would be a lot more pets in this.

    Besides that I loved it and was shocked at how dark this movie got. It was insane. Probably would be a be better pick for killer kids day. Also wtf was that with the sister? Jesus Steven...

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  37. Grizzly (1976)

    Killer grizzly! Mutiliated children! Blood! Gore! Nudity! Boobs! PG rating?

    The 70s were a crazy time.

    I enjoyed this Jaws knock off enough. Far from great, but certainly not bad due to Christopher George's likable performance and his chemistry with the leading lady.

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  38. The Birds (1963)

    If you cut this movie in half it might be watchable. The first half is just pointless. Melanie was playing pranks. She's the one that jumped in the fountain! The bird attacks were ok but it just takes so god damn long to get there. At least have a reason for wasting an hour. That was his sister? He looked the same age as his mom. This Alfred Hitchcock guy just didn't have the goods. 4 out of 10

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  39. My skin just violently ripped itself from my body like a living hazmat suit, moaning something about being the bloody ghost of sanity, and began running across the country to come and get you for the things you've said. Just a heads up. Call pest control or somebody, they'll hook you up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Don't do school! Stay in drugs!' Mr. JM.

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