I imagine you lighting individual candles as "These Eyes" is playing softly in the background. The Blu-ray menu is up and the play option is highlighted as you sit in your recliner recliner AND....end scene! Lol
Haha!! Ok so you just get home from a long day of being an awesome film critic. You open the door and you see a line of gin and tonics leading to what you can only guess is your bedroom. You follow the trail and what do you find!? Andrew Divoff as the Wishmaster in your bed and he says, " Wish granted!" END SCENE
Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing in HORROR EXPRESS (1972, 88 min.) on Amazon Prime for the first time.
ReplyDeleteLow-budget Spaniard "The Thing" aboard Hammer-like train.
or
Dracula, Van Helsing, Kojak versus rubberless "Thing."
or
WTF's Telly Savalas doing here? Who cares?
HELL FEST (2018, 89 min.) in theaters for the first time.
ReplyDeletePerfect third-flick-in-a-week AMC A-List time-wasting #SMM burnout..
or
Tony Todd's Baron Samedi act's a showstopper!
THE TWILIGHT ZONE MOVIE (1983, 101 min.) on DVD for the first time.
ReplyDeleteSpielberg's underwhelms. Miller's rocks. Dante's/Landis'? KILLER!
The Dark Half (1993, Dir. George A. Romero)
ReplyDeleteJoe Hallenbeck's wife sure does get around.
Ju-On: The Grudge (2002)
ReplyDeleteI can’t even hide under my comforter!
or
Just burn it down. It is easy!
The Grudge - unrated (2004)
ReplyDeleteThat boy and house seems peculiar familiar.
or
Buffy where did all your friends go?
The Grudge 2 (2006)
ReplyDeleteI’m beginning to think this isn’t Buffy.
Marrowbone (2017)
ReplyDelete"Anya Talor-Joy loves a broken boy."
Cargo 2017
ReplyDeleteHobbit goes walkabout because wife hated beard
From Beyond (1986)
ReplyDeleteEyehole brain slurping this year's acai berries
Ha! Nice
DeletePhantom of the Opera (1989)
ReplyDeleteSoup de la decapatation a touch salty
or
Englund's face a roadmap to gory gothic
Red State (2011)
ReplyDeleteSurely these folks would get presidential pardons.
FTW. Best review so far this month.
DeleteDon’t Answer the Phone (1980)
ReplyDeleteEverything gross about 1970s in one movie.
Night of the Creeps
ReplyDeleteMe: Don't worry, dear. He's gotta survive .
The Devil Rides Out (1968)
ReplyDeleteLike Christopher Lee, this movies is immaculate
HALLOWEEN II (1981)
ReplyDeleteMichael Myers haunts world's most empty hospital.
Haha I didn't even think of that.
DeleteGreen Room (2015)
ReplyDeletePatrick Stewart is best when he’s evil.
Piranha 3DD (2012)
ReplyDeleteThese Jaws knockoffs also roar when attacking
Creep (2014)
ReplyDeleteWhen found footage meets mumblecore makes mumble-kill
😂
DeleteAliens (1986)
ReplyDeleteWhen will mom on mom violence end?!?
or
DeleteDifferent Aliens, Predator too(2), same Bill Paxton
You made me realize how much I want to do an Aliens / Serial Mom double feature.
DeleteJennifer's Body - 7 Hashtag Review
ReplyDelete#lesbigay #maggotrock #freaktarded #hellotitty #manscara #dillhole #wetty
Trouble Every Day (2001)
ReplyDeleteMost effective abstinence video I've ever seen.
Practical Magic (1998)
ReplyDeleteFeels made for United Airlines domestic travel.
Tragedy Girls (2017)
ReplyDeleteSocial media is the real killer. Metaphor!
Demon Wind (1990)
ReplyDeleteWow, that magic act was sure random.
Survival of the Dead (2009)
ReplyDeleteI'd totally shoot the kids. Just sayin.
Maggie 2015
ReplyDeleteWell... not so sunshiny anymore, little miss!
I haven't seen this movie, but that made me laugh!
DeleteThe Devil Rides Out (1968, dir. Terence Fisher)
ReplyDeleteHere starring Christopher Lee as Peter Cushing!
Holidays (2016)
ReplyDeleteJesus Christ that's a creepy Easter Bunny
Cemetery of Terror (1985)
ReplyDeleteMexican zombie slasher movie somehow made boring.
Night of the Demons (1988)
ReplyDeleteHow? Only applesauce would make less sense.
Lifeforce (1985)
ReplyDeleteSpace vampires create zombies, happy October everyone!
Dracula: Prince of Darkness (1966)
ReplyDeletedon’t hide secret torture chamber with rug
Murder Party (2007)
ReplyDeleteI've been to worse parties, for sure.
Orca: The Killer Whale (1977)
ReplyDeleteTFW you realize Richard Harris was 46...
The Blood on Satan's Claw (1971, dir. Piers Haggard)
ReplyDeleteFavorite new-to-me movie so far.
The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016) - first watch
ReplyDeleteBrian Cox is just fantastic in everything!
yes he is
Deletethough i didn't care for the last third of the movie
XX (2017)
ReplyDeleteMothers and children and birthdays and monsters
The Predator (2018)
ReplyDeleteSTEREOTYPES!! GET YOUR NIFTY, FREE STEREOTYPES, HERE!!
Bad Moon (1996, dir. Eric Red)
ReplyDeleteWhy wouldn't a dog like a werewolf?
Mortuary (1983)
ReplyDeletePaxton always did throw some killer parties.
The Hitcher(1986) Taking tug of war to another level.
ReplyDeleteCreepshow 2: The Hitchhiker (87)
ReplyDeleteUber needs better background checks.
What We Do In the Shadows (2015)
ReplyDelete"What We Do In the Moonlight" please.
The Thing (82)
ReplyDeleteIdentify theft is a scary thing.
The Visit(2014) Granny has no tan lines....can't unsee.
ReplyDeleteDominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005, dir. Paul Schrader)
ReplyDeleteLess gore equals worse movie. That's math.
Bram Stoker's Legend of the Mummy (1998)
ReplyDeleteMummy movies fucking suck. They just do.
Strange Behavior (aka: Dead Kids) (1981)
ReplyDeleteHope my son loves me that much..
Dead Alive(1992) When attachment issues lead to detachment tissues.
ReplyDeleteThe Dead Zone (1983)
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't Christopher Walken shake Trump's hand?
Wishmaster (1997)
ReplyDelete"Just wanna take another look at you"
I imagine you lighting individual candles as "These Eyes" is playing softly in the background. The Blu-ray menu is up and the play option is highlighted as you sit in your recliner recliner AND....end scene! Lol
DeleteUmmmm...could you imagine something else instead???
DeleteHaha!! Ok so you just get home from a long day of being an awesome film critic. You open the door and you see a line of gin and tonics leading to what you can only guess is your bedroom. You follow the trail and what do you find!? Andrew Divoff as the Wishmaster in your bed and he says, " Wish granted!" END SCENE
DeleteHaha gross
DeleteJason X
ReplyDeleteSpace: the perfect temperature for crop-top sweaters
The Blob (1988)
ReplyDeleteKevin Dillon is better in Viking Quest
Friday the 13th Part II (1981) Dir. Steve Miner
ReplyDeleteSorry, but Mark really shouldn't work here.
The House That Screamed (1970)
ReplyDeleteHard to scream with stiff upper lip.
SCREAM (1996)
ReplyDeleteWhat else can I say...a game-changer.
Edge of the Axe (1988)
ReplyDeleteMatter of time until Scream Factory Blu.
Mayhem (2017)
ReplyDeleteI'd kill that guy without red eye.
Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993)
ReplyDeleteEverything I hate about 90's horror films.
Lords of Salem (2012)
ReplyDelete"Nothing funny. I just love Rob Zombie."
Phenomena (1985, dir. Dario Argento)
ReplyDeleteDon't uncover that mirror, Kiefer might appear!
The Monster Squad (1987)
ReplyDelete"Wolfman's got nards! And an identity crisis!"
What we do in the Shadows (2014):
ReplyDeleteI hope Katherine is a basghetti fan.
Graveyard Disturbance (1987)
ReplyDeleteFamily that eats together REALLY eats together.
Someone’s Watching Me (1978)
ReplyDeleteEerie topicality is written on bathroom window
I Bury the Living (1958)
ReplyDeleteStop putting pins in the goddamn map!
Friday the 13th (2009) Dir. Marcus Nispel
ReplyDeleteMaster Electrician Jason defeated by "mom trick"
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (2007)
ReplyDeleteMicah sort of had it coming right?
The Blob (1988)
ReplyDeleteCareful, it’s growing! It’s Kevin Dillon’s hair!
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Part 2
ReplyDeleteSecure beer rooms need steel walls too
Battle Royale (2000)
ReplyDeleteThis new Apple Choker doesn't look safe.
Hahahaha
DeleteHappy Death Day (2017)
ReplyDeleteYou should die for refusing a cupcake.
Lifeforce (1985)
ReplyDeleteGeorge Lucas correct; no bras in space.
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
ReplyDeleteComic books? All I saw was pulp.
From Hell (2001)
ReplyDeleteCaptain Jack Sparrow and Hagrid's "before" picture.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
ReplyDeleteDance, Leatherface, Dance! Show frustration through choreography!
The Prowler (1981)
ReplyDeleteSavini at the height of his powers
Urban Legend (1998)
ReplyDeleteNo university keeps abandoned buildings for decades.
The Bad Man (2018)
ReplyDeleteLiving doll has cure for clown headache.
HANDS OF THE RIPPER (1972)
ReplyDeleteSucks to be Jack the Ripper's daughter.
Or
Horror and costume drama? It's Hammer time.
Hard Rock Zombies (1985)
ReplyDeleteBest adaptation of Scooby Doo I've seen.
The Endless
ReplyDeleteLet's not do the time warp again.
Curse of Chucky (2013)
ReplyDeleteDeath chili chili chili chili more death
Or
Hey guys, we need another final scene!
Hell Fest
ReplyDeleteAdam, go to Hell Fest with me!
They have the mazes at Fright Fest. I'm calling your bluff and making you go now.
DeleteHalloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
ReplyDelete"Shhhhh! You had me at double scoops."
Cult of Chucky (2017)
ReplyDeleteSo much red on white. Kinda great.
The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016) Dir. André Øvredal
ReplyDeleteAnother egregious misunderstanding of basic fire code.
Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1953)
ReplyDeleteAbbott and Costello conclude nonconsecutive Karloff collaborations.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
ReplyDeleteFind you someone who dances like Glover
He Knows Your Alone (1980)
ReplyDeleteBetter title: Till Death Do Us Part
Halloween called, it wants it's score back.
Looks like detective raided Barry Manilow's wardrobe.
Guy from Larry Crowne makes acting debut.
Another better title: That Thing You Die!
The killers sweaty dude mask truly terrifies.
Paranormal Activity 3
ReplyDeleteI think I’m done with found footage.
Land of the Dead (2005)
ReplyDeleteHoly shit that movie was so mentalist.
The Masque of the Red Death (1964, dir. Roger Corman)
ReplyDeleteDouble Price for the price of one.
Suspiria (1977)
ReplyDeleteBreathing problems are natural at that age.
Lord of Illusions (1995)
ReplyDelete“Watch this sword trick. I’ll be Bakula.”
The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)
ReplyDeleteSkipped date for autopsy? Totally not weird.