My 7² word hyperreview: The original Cube was brilliant because of its simplicity. A straightforward premise with no overcomplicated mythology or scifi nonsense, simply staged on a shoestring budget. So of course they overburdened the sequel with silly mythology, a nonsense scifi twist, bad CGI and weird editing.
John Carpenter's THEY LIVE (1988, Blu-ray) with Heath Ledger's 'Cereal At Midnight' Commentary Track.
ReplyDeleteBest "Twilight Zone" Rod Serling never wrote.
or
Blink and miss Al Leong's seconds-long cameo.
Robert Hiltzik's SLEEPAWAY CAMP (1983, DVD) with Simplistic Reviews' Commentary Track.
ReplyDeleteAunt Martha, Mel share cardigan sweater closet.
or
'Robert Hiltzik,' DGA pseudonim for 'Bryan Singer.'
or
Forget deputy greasepaint. Alert the fashion police!
Dario Argento's OPERA (1987, DVD)
ReplyDeleteMore like "Bloody Rock'n Roll Soap Opera."
RELIC (2020, Dir. Natalie Erika James)
ReplyDeleteGrandma's been watching Under The Skin again.
The Descent, dir Neil Marshall, 2005
ReplyDeleteJuno's an accidently on purpose kinda gal.
Hood of Horror (2006)
ReplyDeleteSnoop collaborates with Bye Bye Man director.
Lights Out, dir David F. Sandberg, 2016
ReplyDeleteBesties forever taken a tad too far.
I have been noticing the Lisa and the Devil image. I am big a fan of that that film.
DeleteLisa and the Devil is a great movie.
DeleteTHE OTHER (1972)
ReplyDeleteThe ending makes it a horror film.
Black Mountain Side
ReplyDeleteWhen's the Black Phillip/Deer God crossover?
Vampires vs. The Bronx (2020)
ReplyDeleteI think the vampires is an allegory.
#ScaryMovieMonth
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
ReplyDeleteI'm a survivor, oh wait I'm dead
Halloween (78)
ReplyDeletePretty girls make me breath like Mike.
DEATH BELL (2008)
ReplyDeleteWhat if Saw was produced by Nickelodeon.
Demon Wind, dir Charles Philip Moore, 1990
ReplyDeleteAnother kung fu magician taken too early
Hell Fest (2018)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous fell into an acid bath.
The Visit (2015)
ReplyDeleteThat's not how you wear a diaper.
Ha! This one made me laugh.
DeleteChristine (1983)
ReplyDeleteMost underrated Carpenter or most underrated King?
Alone, dir Vladislav Khesin, 2020
ReplyDeleteApparently there are two Alone (2020)s...sigh.
Scare Me, dir Conrad Glover, Mark Stephens, 2020
ReplyDeleteApparently there's two Scare Me (2020)s...sigh.
THE DOLL (2017)
ReplyDeleteHere’s why some men shouldn’t collect Barbies.
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998 - Steve Miner)
ReplyDeleteMichael's non-existing electrician skills explain his hairstyle.
Mindhunters (2004, dir. My Boy Renny Harlin)
ReplyDeleteJonny Lee Miller's character is American, honest.
The Frighteners (1996) dir. Peter Jackson
ReplyDeleteZimeckis presents, but Elfman plates and delivers
Since this is the cover for today...
ReplyDeleteFRIDAY THE 13th PART 2 (1981)
Glad hillbilly pillowcase Jason ended right here!
OR
She peed? Jason found her THAT way?
The Head Hunter (2018)
ReplyDeleteHead Hunter? But I barely know her!
Or
Headhunter, yes. But what about my HEART?
Don’t Look Now. 1973. Nicholas Roeg
ReplyDeleteOh, you better believe I looked. Yowza!
Welcome to the Blumhouse: The Lie (2020)
ReplyDeleteBrood, brood, brood, brood, aren't we clever?!
Black Christmas (2006)
ReplyDeleteChristmas came early; I got a rock.
The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence, (2011)
ReplyDeleteCast: Centipede #1, Centipede #2, Centipede #3...
or
Well, picking this wasn't my brightest idea.
THE HAUNTING OF MORELLA (1990)
ReplyDeletePoe would've become obsessed with Nicole Eggert.
Riding the Bullet (2004)
ReplyDeleteMovie bad... David Arquette! Movie good now.
The Haunted Mansion (2003, dir. Rob Minkoff)
ReplyDeleteSPOILERS: Terence Stamp plays a villain? Inconceivable!
Satomi Hakken-den (AKA Legend of the Eight Samurai) (1983)
ReplyDeleteCannon Presents: "The Fellowship of the Ringu"
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
ReplyDeleteCamping brings out the worst in people.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
ReplyDeleteGet black out drunk, summon a witch
Blair Witch (2016)
ReplyDeleteStretched out witch plays all the tricks.
WNUF Halloween Special (2013)
ReplyDeleteHolding out for the special edition Beta
Malevolent (2018)
ReplyDeleteMouth stitching really resonating during COVID lockdown.
Prince of Darkness (1987)
ReplyDeleteThe documentary on why Surge was discontinued
Welcome to the Blumhouse: Black Box (2020)
ReplyDeleteThe Blumhouse isn't very welcoming at all
Doctor Sleep (Director's Cut) (2019)
ReplyDeleteI finally got three hours to myself!
Cabin in the Woods (2012)
ReplyDeleteThat's why I read Airbnb user reviews
EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE (1995)
ReplyDeleteThis is why Tony was so overprotective.
Alien (1979)
ReplyDeleteBest haunted house movie of all time
Cube²: Hypercube (2002, dir. Andrzej Sekula)
ReplyDeleteMy 7² word hyperreview: The original Cube was brilliant because of its simplicity. A straightforward premise with no overcomplicated mythology or scifi nonsense, simply staged on a shoestring budget. So of course they overburdened the sequel with silly mythology, a nonsense scifi twist, bad CGI and weird editing.
-golf clap- 👏
DeleteMidsommar (2019)
ReplyDeleteNo better hair to find in pie.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
ReplyDeleteThere's no scarier sound than 80s synths.
Xtro. The last carnival gives me chills
DeleteHube Halloween (2020)
ReplyDeleteSingle most terrifying experience of my life.
The Revenge of Frankenstein (1958)
ReplyDeleteBehold, my greatest creation to date: CARL!
Frozen
ReplyDeleteAdam and Joe's Cameo makes me grin
Ghost Ship (2002)
ReplyDeleteTitle spoils the ghosts on the ship.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
ReplyDeleteHow I imagine Texas as a European.
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012, dir. Ariel Schulman, Henry Joost)
ReplyDeleteFeature-length Xbox Kinect/Pepsi commercial. Spooky!
Return of the Fly (1959, dir. Edward Bernds)
ReplyDeleteTelepods: sufficient teleporters, ABSOLUTELY FOOLPROOF FLY TRAPS.
Deranged (1974)
ReplyDeleteThe film that inspired Ed Gein's crimes.
House of Wax (2005)
ReplyDeleteThe Universal backlot always makes me smile.
Silent Hill (2006)
ReplyDeleteTerrifying version of red light green light.
The Raven (1963)
ReplyDeleteNo offense. This was a Poe adaptation.
The Comedy of Terrors (1963)
ReplyDeleteThe 60's version of Happy Madison Productions.
The House by the Cemetery (1981, dir. Lucio Fulci)
ReplyDeleteDisappointed "Freudstein" wasn't made of stitched penises
Hube Halloween (2020)
ReplyDeleteWell it was a movie...yup..yeah
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (1993):
ReplyDeleteJack’s really gotta stop skipping leg day.
The Exorcist (1973)
ReplyDeleteSweet! They made a prequel to Ouija
Books of Blood (2020)
ReplyDeleteHarrison and DiBlasi did it much better
Vampires vs. the Bronx (2020)
ReplyDeleteThis movie was not made for me.
The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971)
ReplyDeleteThis movie was TOTALLY made for me!
Let's Scare Julia (2020) Dir. Jud Cremata
ReplyDeleteGreat 5.1 mix. Other than that, nope.
Blood Rage (1987) with FTM commentary
ReplyDeleteNot a prude, but less cleavage please.
House on Haunted Hill (1959)
ReplyDeleteA silly place to store your acid
The Beast Must Die
ReplyDeleteIf Clue had werewolves and wasn't funny
The Witches (1990)
ReplyDeleteMr. Bean’s live action Ratatouille fever dream
SHE DEMONS (1958)
ReplyDeleteFreakin’ Nazis, ruining jungle girl dance parties.
City of the Living Dead (1980)
ReplyDeleteGets better every time I watch it.
Best Fulci film!
DeleteSILENT HILL (2006):
ReplyDeleteTo those watching it: I see you.
👀
DeletePsycho II (1983) director Richard Franklin
ReplyDelete"Mother's dead? Then who's making conjugal visits??!?"
Willow Creek (2013)
ReplyDeleteNot really bigfoot more like a Bobcat.
Visiting Hours (1982) Dir. Jean-Claude Lord
ReplyDeleteNecessary origin story for Rasczak's amputated arm.
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
ReplyDeleteNever looked better. Shorts never been shorter.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
ReplyDeleteAh shit, the first viewing WAS better.
Cabin Fever, dir Eli Roth, 2002
ReplyDeleteSkin shouldn't share texture of ripe peach
The Dead Zone (1983)
ReplyDeleteOnly here for Walken’s fuzzy teacher sweaters.
12 Hour Shift (2020)
ReplyDeleteRound of applause for our essential workers!
Friday the 13th (1980)
ReplyDeleteWhen Psycho meets Halloween you get Pamela
Wishmaster (Kurtzman, 1997)
ReplyDeleteMore like Stuff You Sorta Want Master
Hubie Halloween (2020)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I can standler the Sandler slander
CLOSE CALLS (2017)
ReplyDeleteMaybe watch this with your blinds closed.
I saw this a couple of years ago. I love this film. Jordan Phipps took a massive risk in that role and put it all out there. I'm a big fan.
DeleteWitchboard (1986)
ReplyDeleteDid they think about calling it Shitboard?
The Old Dark House (1932)
ReplyDeleteThis is 72 minutes very well spent
From Beyond (1986)
ReplyDeleteCan't discuss Crampton in only seven words.
Black Box (2020)
ReplyDeleteClaire's bad. Still not the worse Huxtable
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
ReplyDeleteRevenge plan:
- possess teenager
- crash pool party
-
The Loved Ones (2009)
ReplyDeleteThis is one I did not love.
The Lighthouse (2019)
ReplyDeleteSo that's why it smells like fish.
Deathgasm (2015)
ReplyDeleteBrodie tricks blind demon with sight gag.
The Lift (1983)
ReplyDeleteFix-it Felix says this lift's going down.
Maniac Cop (1988)
ReplyDeleteWhy did I watch this in 2020?
or
Proverb: there is always a bigger chin.
True Fiction (’19, Croft)
ReplyDeleteStephen King writer novels, Clockwork Orange mashup