Klaus Kinski in SCHIZOID (1980, TCM Underground) for the first time. Also streaming on Amazon Prime.Cannon unicorn: sleazy, well acted procedural/slasher.ORKinski's wardrobe mirrors his scissors: sharp, shiny.
Seriously... What a weird fucking movie where Klaus Kinski plays the least mentally disturbed of the bunch
Tonino Ricci's PANIC (1982, Raygun) for the first time.Italian-as-Brits coppers chase "Slithis"-type creature through sewers.OR"Resident Evil 2" tropes long before "RE2."
Edgar Wright's SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004, 4K UHD Blu-ray).Among its innumerable positive attributes: NO SEQUEL.
The only first film in a trilogy to have no sequel
Neil Marshall's THE DESCENT (2005, Blu-ray). Unrated Version with director/cast commentary. Rated version streaming on Amazon Prime, Hulu, TUBI, Pluto, etc.Fuck Juno, Marry Sarah, Kill all Crawlers.ORBechdel saw this, threw her hands up.
Frankenstein (2004)Is a movie, plus three more words.
The Night House (2020, Dir. David Bruckner) What has gotten into Rebecca Hall? Nothing.
1981 double feature inspired by Patrick's 24-hour marathon:Dead & Buried (1981, dir. Gary Sherman)The town motto: homicide by the seaside.
Student Bodies (1981, dir. Mickey Rose)Wig makes lead look like Kristen Wiig.
Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (1971, dir. Roy Ward Baker)Jekyll gets a breast of the situation.
The Mummy Returns (2001) Half the fun of the first one.
The Forever Purge (2021)How many more of these movies? Forever?
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)They finally killed Michael Myers for good.
VAMPYR (1932)The “drowned in flour” cliche again? Yawn.
Dead Again (1991)Remembered the first twist, not the second.
Dead Heat (1988)Dir: Mark GoldblattLame Piscopo one-liners really killed this one.
The Happening (2008)Dir: M. Night ShyamalanQuit trying to hate this so hard!
WEREWOLF WOMAN (1976) Werewolf transformation at minute one. Premise fulfilled!
Corpse Bride (2005)Strangers fall in love by being apart.
Terror Train (1980: Shudder Joe Bob Briggs Halloween)"Take the last train to deathsville" Monkees
Nightbeast (1982, dir. Don Dohler)Wasn't expecting such a curly-haired hero.
The Night House (2021, dir. David Bruckner)Liked better when it wasn't all metaphor.
Day of the Dead (1985) Let them Choke on ‘em! - Bub (Zombie)
Martin (1977)Vampire or not, he's one weird mf.
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (1959):These hipsters and their murder mystery parties.
Crimson Peak (2015)I incest that you drink your tea.
Dracula Untold (2014)Sick of all these Batman origin stories.
The Prophecy by Gregory Widen (1995). Even angels retire in Arizona and die.
House of the Witch (2017, dir. Alex Merkin)Teenagers go where teenagers shouldn't be going.
Prince Of Darkness (1987)Any green liquid should stay in Vegas.
Carrie (1976)Didn't realize roadhouse whiskey was powerful aphrodisiac.
Malignant (2021)MY malignance volunteers at the soup kitchen
The Void (2016)So what's fun up in this void?
Halloween (2018, dir. David Gordon Green)Michael's the number one reason for podfade.
The Beyond (1981)I never trusted God damn service animalsOrAh! Spiders!...I mean eventually ah, spiders
Suspiria (1977)Bathroom? Down the hall from the wirepit
Suspiria (2018)Why is that old man strangely hot?OrSo this flick is still going on
ORPHAN (2009) Bring back Esther for remake of Gigi.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)Like the Sawyers, movie has zero waste.
The People Under the Stairs (1991)Wes Craven's take on Saturday morning cartoons
Dead Silence (2007)Does this count as a Cronenberg joint?
The Hills Have Eyes 1977Who puts Jaws poster in vacation camper?!?!
HATCHET (2006): This is all skinny Adam Driver's fault.
LIFEFORCE (1985) Rail burglar, give me my rails back!
Final Destination 2Chasing pigeons and paying the ultimate price!
You're Next (2011)Won't be blending smoothies anytime soon. Blech!
Fright Night (1985, dir. Tom Holland)Just let these teenagers fuck in peace!orWow, vampires accumulate a lot of junk
GRIZZLY II: REVENGEThe best concert film with bear cameo
The Thing (2011)CG test exposes poor imitation of original.
TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER (1976)To The Hammer Film A Pubes Shot
The Broken (2008, dir. Sean Ellis)Better mirrors than Mirrors (I'm an expert).
The Mummy (1932)bet they had one helluva wrap party!
Scream 4 (2011) Roger L. Jackson for the new siri!
Return of the Fly (1959)When "Like father, like son" goes wrong.
STAGE FRIGHT: AQUARIUS (1987)Great news for all the understudies!
Malignant (2021)Horrorcon vendors get "people walking backwards" insurance.
brilliant
The Babadook (2014)True story behind "Go Eat Worms" song.
Possum (2018)Freaky spider puppet freaks out freaky puppeteer.
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)This American High School Looks suspiciously Canadian
The Hills Have Eyes Part 2 1984Female Daredevil, Beast and Hulk versus Morlocks
This comment has been removed by the author.
Monkey shines(1988)Biting monkey's neck makes him walk again
Crimewave 1985Kinda thought Brion James was Joe Spinell
November (2017):Love, Loss, and Souls inhabiting farm equipment.
Dead Again (1991)Beautiful amnesiac's fears revolve around die shears.
Underwater (2020)This team doesn't perform well under pressure.
The Belko Experiment (2017, Greg McLean)Tony Goldwyn, a king of resting doucheface
Burning Moon 1992Not sure how heroin helps one's storytelling...
Dracula's Daughter (1936, dir. Lambert Hillyer)She's the least menacing of Dracula's relativesorTransylvanians are the drunkest and horniest folk
FRANKENSTEIN (1931) Nobody tell Don Quixote about this windmill.
JENNIFER'S BODY (2009)"No one wants to see your ki-ki."
Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021)Ed Asner was typecast in this movie.
The Cave (2005)Cole Hauser says "Dr. Nicolai" with pizzazz
Dr. Terror's House of Horrors 1965Don't steal from Big Bad Voodoo Daddy!
Wishmaster (1997)Must wish me bye the bye everlasting.
Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)The rules got kind of wishy washy.
Blue Monkey (1987)"Huh, huh, huh shock the blue monkey!"
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986):Leatherface: Hold still, ima sex you up.
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (1989) Fewer opera numbers, more gooey face peelings.
HOCUS POCUS (1993):Formed unrealistic expectations for mischievous little sisters.
The Thing(2011). The THING!!!! Ugh, it's the other Thing.
Tales of Terror 1962Without doubt, the best wine drinking scene!
30 Miles From Nowhere (2018), Dir: Caitlin Koller30 miles from making any damn sense.
Maximum overdrive (1986)Who made who you might ask… cocaine
Halloween (1978)Scared 1970s teenagers in high wasted jeans
THE UNKNOWN TERROR (1957)Indiana Jones and the Cave of Fungus
Hocus Pocus (1993)Nostalgia won’t let you admit it’s bad
Doctor Sleep (2019)Wait a minute, was that zombie baby?
THE BATMAN VS DRACULA (2005)Alucard? Fool me twice, shame on me!
THE BLOB (1958) Creeps, leaps, glides, slides, splotch, blotch... blub.
Cabin Fever (2002) Dir. Eli RothWhy is anyone even friends with Bert?
Ms. 45 (1981)Less skeevy than expected. Good lead performance.
Black Roses (1988)The most okay parts of heavy metal.
Incident in a Ghostland (2018)Very unpleasant. Horrifying to watch. Four stars.
Graveyard Shift, dir Ralph S. Singleton, 1990Dude thinks he's Vasquez with a hoseOrConveniently, Dorif had a prepared casket waiting
Suspiria (2018)Fun fact, Tilda Swinton was every characterOrMarcos' greatest crime: never wearing a robe
Monster Club (1981)Hums the greatest monster of them all.
Phantoms (Joe Chappelle, 1998)Liev Schreiber is the bomb in Phantoms
There’s Someone Inside The House (2021)Let’s do Scream again but less scary
The Hunger (1983)David Bowie in M. Night Shyamalan's "Old"
Anna and the Apocalypse (2018, John McPhail)The saddest zombie musical comedy ever made
PAGANINI HORROR (1988) How many genres can one movie be?
The House October Built(2014, Dir Bobby Roe)Who follows someone down an NOLA alleyorMore like, "Genre Myrick and Sánchez Built"
Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021)I like that King Harvest song too!
When a Stranger Calls (1978) dir. Fred WaltonMy tween: “Terrifying. Then boring. Then terrifying!”
Them (2006)Reverse and remove T because it's meh
Horror of Dracula (1958)Ladies get bit, the undertaker got bits
The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism (1967)This movie owes me a Dr. Sadism.
Hideaway (1995)Kinda expected killer to be Goldblum, backwards.
The Boys From County Hell(2021, Dir Chris Baugh)Like Shawn except Irish, vamps and heartless.
Curse II: The Bite (1989)Was expecting more snakes. And more thrills
An American Werewolf in London (1981)Still my favorite werewolf transformation effects scene.
These reviews have been counted for the monthly tally. Please post your reviews on today's thread. Thank you for your cooperation.
Klaus Kinski in SCHIZOID (1980, TCM Underground) for the first time. Also streaming on Amazon Prime.
ReplyDeleteCannon unicorn: sleazy, well acted procedural/slasher.
OR
Kinski's wardrobe mirrors his scissors: sharp, shiny.
Seriously... What a weird fucking movie where Klaus Kinski plays the least mentally disturbed of the bunch
DeleteTonino Ricci's PANIC (1982, Raygun) for the first time.
ReplyDeleteItalian-as-Brits coppers chase "Slithis"-type creature through sewers.
OR
"Resident Evil 2" tropes long before "RE2."
Edgar Wright's SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004, 4K UHD Blu-ray).
ReplyDeleteAmong its innumerable positive attributes: NO SEQUEL.
The only first film in a trilogy to have no sequel
DeleteNeil Marshall's THE DESCENT (2005, Blu-ray). Unrated Version with director/cast commentary. Rated version streaming on Amazon Prime, Hulu, TUBI, Pluto, etc.
ReplyDeleteFuck Juno, Marry Sarah, Kill all Crawlers.
OR
Bechdel saw this, threw her hands up.
Frankenstein (2004)
ReplyDeleteIs a movie, plus three more words.
The Night House (2020, Dir. David Bruckner)
ReplyDeleteWhat has gotten into Rebecca Hall? Nothing.
1981 double feature inspired by Patrick's 24-hour marathon:
ReplyDeleteDead & Buried (1981, dir. Gary Sherman)
The town motto: homicide by the seaside.
Student Bodies (1981, dir. Mickey Rose)
ReplyDeleteWig makes lead look like Kristen Wiig.
Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (1971, dir. Roy Ward Baker)
ReplyDeleteJekyll gets a breast of the situation.
The Mummy Returns (2001)
ReplyDeleteHalf the fun of the first one.
The Forever Purge (2021)
ReplyDeleteHow many more of these movies? Forever?
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
ReplyDeleteThey finally killed Michael Myers for good.
VAMPYR (1932)
ReplyDeleteThe “drowned in flour” cliche again? Yawn.
Dead Again (1991)
ReplyDeleteRemembered the first twist, not the second.
Dead Heat (1988)
ReplyDeleteDir: Mark Goldblatt
Lame Piscopo one-liners really killed this one.
The Happening (2008)
ReplyDeleteDir: M. Night Shyamalan
Quit trying to hate this so hard!
WEREWOLF WOMAN (1976)
ReplyDeleteWerewolf transformation at minute one. Premise fulfilled!
Corpse Bride (2005)
ReplyDeleteStrangers fall in love by being apart.
Terror Train (1980: Shudder Joe Bob Briggs Halloween)
ReplyDelete"Take the last train to deathsville" Monkees
Nightbeast (1982, dir. Don Dohler)
ReplyDeleteWasn't expecting such a curly-haired hero.
The Night House (2021, dir. David Bruckner)
ReplyDeleteLiked better when it wasn't all metaphor.
Day of the Dead (1985)
ReplyDeleteLet them Choke on ‘em!
- Bub (Zombie)
Martin (1977)
ReplyDeleteVampire or not, he's one weird mf.
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (1959):
ReplyDeleteThese hipsters and their murder mystery parties.
Crimson Peak (2015)
ReplyDeleteI incest that you drink your tea.
Dracula Untold (2014)
ReplyDeleteSick of all these Batman origin stories.
The Prophecy by Gregory Widen (1995).
ReplyDeleteEven angels retire in Arizona and die.
House of the Witch (2017, dir. Alex Merkin)
ReplyDeleteTeenagers go where teenagers shouldn't be going.
Prince Of Darkness (1987)
ReplyDeleteAny green liquid should stay in Vegas.
Carrie (1976)
ReplyDeleteDidn't realize roadhouse whiskey was powerful aphrodisiac.
Malignant (2021)
ReplyDeleteMY malignance volunteers at the soup kitchen
The Void (2016)
ReplyDeleteSo what's fun up in this void?
Halloween (2018, dir. David Gordon Green)
ReplyDeleteMichael's the number one reason for podfade.
The Beyond (1981)
ReplyDeleteI never trusted God damn service animals
Or
Ah! Spiders!...I mean eventually ah, spiders
Suspiria (1977)
ReplyDeleteBathroom? Down the hall from the wirepit
Suspiria (2018)
ReplyDeleteWhy is that old man strangely hot?
Or
So this flick is still going on
ORPHAN (2009)
ReplyDeleteBring back Esther for remake of Gigi.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
ReplyDeleteLike the Sawyers, movie has zero waste.
The People Under the Stairs (1991)
ReplyDeleteWes Craven's take on Saturday morning cartoons
Dead Silence (2007)
ReplyDeleteDoes this count as a Cronenberg joint?
The Hills Have Eyes 1977
ReplyDeleteWho puts Jaws poster in vacation camper?!?!
HATCHET (2006):
ReplyDeleteThis is all skinny Adam Driver's fault.
LIFEFORCE (1985)
ReplyDeleteRail burglar, give me my rails back!
Final Destination 2
ReplyDeleteChasing pigeons and paying the ultimate price!
You're Next (2011)
ReplyDeleteWon't be blending smoothies anytime soon. Blech!
Fright Night (1985, dir. Tom Holland)
ReplyDeleteJust let these teenagers fuck in peace!
or
Wow, vampires accumulate a lot of junk
GRIZZLY II: REVENGE
ReplyDeleteThe best concert film with bear cameo
The Thing (2011)
ReplyDeleteCG test exposes poor imitation of original.
TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER (1976)
ReplyDeleteTo The Hammer Film A Pubes Shot
The Broken (2008, dir. Sean Ellis)
ReplyDeleteBetter mirrors than Mirrors (I'm an expert).
The Mummy (1932)
ReplyDeletebet they had one helluva wrap party!
Scream 4 (2011)
ReplyDeleteRoger L. Jackson for the new siri!
Return of the Fly (1959)
ReplyDeleteWhen "Like father, like son" goes wrong.
STAGE FRIGHT: AQUARIUS (1987)
ReplyDeleteGreat news for all the understudies!
Malignant (2021)
ReplyDeleteHorrorcon vendors get "people walking backwards" insurance.
brilliant
DeleteThe Babadook (2014)
ReplyDeleteTrue story behind "Go Eat Worms" song.
Possum (2018)
ReplyDeleteFreaky spider puppet freaks out freaky puppeteer.
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
ReplyDeleteThis American High School Looks suspiciously Canadian
The Hills Have Eyes Part 2 1984
ReplyDeleteFemale Daredevil, Beast and Hulk versus Morlocks
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMonkey shines(1988)
ReplyDeleteBiting monkey's neck makes him walk again
Crimewave 1985
ReplyDeleteKinda thought Brion James was Joe Spinell
November (2017):
ReplyDeleteLove, Loss, and Souls inhabiting farm equipment.
Dead Again (1991)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful amnesiac's fears revolve around die shears.
Underwater (2020)
ReplyDeleteThis team doesn't perform well under pressure.
The Belko Experiment (2017, Greg McLean)
ReplyDeleteTony Goldwyn, a king of resting doucheface
Burning Moon 1992
ReplyDeleteNot sure how heroin helps one's storytelling...
Dracula's Daughter (1936, dir. Lambert Hillyer)
ReplyDeleteShe's the least menacing of Dracula's relatives
or
Transylvanians are the drunkest and horniest folk
FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
ReplyDeleteNobody tell Don Quixote about this windmill.
JENNIFER'S BODY (2009)
ReplyDelete"No one wants to see your ki-ki."
Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021)
ReplyDeleteEd Asner was typecast in this movie.
The Cave (2005)
ReplyDeleteCole Hauser says "Dr. Nicolai" with pizzazz
Dr. Terror's House of Horrors 1965
ReplyDeleteDon't steal from Big Bad Voodoo Daddy!
Wishmaster (1997)
ReplyDeleteMust wish me bye the bye everlasting.
Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)
ReplyDeleteThe rules got kind of wishy washy.
Blue Monkey (1987)
ReplyDelete"Huh, huh, huh shock the blue monkey!"
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986):
ReplyDeleteLeatherface: Hold still, ima sex you up.
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (1989)
ReplyDeleteFewer opera numbers, more gooey face peelings.
HOCUS POCUS (1993):
ReplyDeleteFormed unrealistic expectations for mischievous little sisters.
The Thing(2011). The THING!!!! Ugh, it's the other Thing.
ReplyDeleteTales of Terror 1962
ReplyDeleteWithout doubt, the best wine drinking scene!
30 Miles From Nowhere (2018), Dir: Caitlin Koller
ReplyDelete30 miles from making any damn sense.
Maximum overdrive (1986)
ReplyDeleteWho made who you might ask… cocaine
Halloween (1978)
ReplyDeleteScared 1970s teenagers in high wasted jeans
THE UNKNOWN TERROR (1957)
ReplyDeleteIndiana Jones and the Cave of Fungus
Hocus Pocus (1993)
ReplyDeleteNostalgia won’t let you admit it’s bad
Doctor Sleep (2019)
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, was that zombie baby?
THE BATMAN VS DRACULA (2005)
ReplyDeleteAlucard? Fool me twice, shame on me!
THE BLOB (1958)
ReplyDeleteCreeps, leaps, glides, slides, splotch, blotch... blub.
Cabin Fever (2002) Dir. Eli Roth
ReplyDeleteWhy is anyone even friends with Bert?
Ms. 45 (1981)
ReplyDeleteLess skeevy than expected. Good lead performance.
Black Roses (1988)
ReplyDeleteThe most okay parts of heavy metal.
Incident in a Ghostland (2018)
ReplyDeleteVery unpleasant. Horrifying to watch. Four stars.
Graveyard Shift, dir Ralph S. Singleton, 1990
ReplyDeleteDude thinks he's Vasquez with a hose
Or
Conveniently, Dorif had a prepared casket waiting
Suspiria (2018)
ReplyDeleteFun fact, Tilda Swinton was every character
Or
Marcos' greatest crime: never wearing a robe
Monster Club (1981)
ReplyDeleteHums the greatest monster of them all.
Phantoms (Joe Chappelle, 1998)
ReplyDeleteLiev Schreiber is the bomb in Phantoms
There’s Someone Inside The House (2021)
ReplyDeleteLet’s do Scream again but less scary
The Hunger (1983)
ReplyDeleteDavid Bowie in M. Night Shyamalan's "Old"
Anna and the Apocalypse (2018, John McPhail)
ReplyDeleteThe saddest zombie musical comedy ever made
PAGANINI HORROR (1988)
ReplyDeleteHow many genres can one movie be?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe House October Built(2014, Dir Bobby Roe)
DeleteWho follows someone down an NOLA alley
or
More like, "Genre Myrick and Sánchez Built"
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMuppets Haunted Mansion (2021)
ReplyDeleteI like that King Harvest song too!
When a Stranger Calls (1978) dir. Fred Walton
ReplyDeleteMy tween: “Terrifying. Then boring. Then terrifying!”
Them (2006)
ReplyDeleteReverse and remove T because it's meh
Horror of Dracula (1958)
ReplyDeleteLadies get bit, the undertaker got bits
The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism (1967)
ReplyDeleteThis movie owes me a Dr. Sadism.
Hideaway (1995)
ReplyDeleteKinda expected killer to be Goldblum, backwards.
The Boys From County Hell(2021, Dir Chris Baugh)
ReplyDeleteLike Shawn except Irish, vamps and heartless.
Curse II: The Bite (1989)
ReplyDeleteWas expecting more snakes. And more thrills
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
ReplyDeleteStill my favorite werewolf transformation effects scene.
These reviews have been counted for the monthly tally. Please post your reviews on today's thread. Thank you for your cooperation.
ReplyDelete