Friday, June 14, 2024

Junesploitation 2024 Day 14: Beach!


  1. Bikini Beach (1964, dir. William Asher)

    A 60's hangout movie with 60's teenagers, 60's surf rock, 60's dancing, 60's comedy, 60's innuendo, 60's cars, 60's fashion, 60's hairstyles, fourth wall breaks, a stuffy millionaire newspaper publisher with a chimpanzee chauffeur, an overblown John Lennon caricature called Potato Bug, a goofy motorcycle gang with portraits of Hitler and Mussolini on their wall, drag racing, Don Rickles, Boris Karloff, and a 14-year-old Stevie Wonder.

    Well that was certainly something. A chaotic mess of breezy hangout vibes, overly complicated plot threads, extremely silly comedy, and musical numbers.

    1. That last paragraph describes the beach party films perfectly, Mikko. Sometimes it is not a bad thing. They were hits in their time and have become pop culture artifacts that can delight or bemuse. The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini really goes overboard with everything, however.

  2. Going to the beach this Junesploitation day. I hope the clouds stay away and the water is warm.

    FREE LOVE (1974, dir. Pier Ludovico Pavoni)

    Looking for an opportunity to dive into the Black Emanuelle box set, this film lined up perfectly with the day. It was shot in the Seychelles and includes many lovely beach scenes. This actually is Laura Gemser’s film debut. She admittedly was not hired for her acting skills, but she does have a cinematic presence that carries her in this. FREE LOVE primarily is the story of an Italian mining engineer sent to a tropical island to put a silver mine in operation. Trickery from the locals and his own growing infatuation with Laura and the island leads him away from his task. Will the allure of paradise overwhelm him? There were a bunch of films at this time featuring westerners falling under the spell of tropical locations and, frequently, a local beauty. If you do not like 1970s Italian exploitation, Free Love might not be for you. I was entertained enough by its mix of exoticism and sensuality.

    SUMMER JOB (1989)

    Wanting a little 1980s vibe in my watches, I stumbled on this on Tubi. The version on there looks like a bad VHS rip, but it does somehow fit the film. Summer Job is a pretty standard late ‘80s sex comedy, something that one might have watched on a bad VHS copy. The story is about a group of college students working at a seaside resort for the summer. They get up to some hijinks, try to attract the opposite sex, and have a little fun in between. Yes, there are some scenes on the beach, but there are certainly more that take place around a pool. Not what I would classify essential viewing for today.

  3. A BIGGER SPLASH (2015):

    A bunch of hot people eating and fucking and dancing in Italy. Happy summer.

  4. Blood Beach (1980)

    1) take opening scene from Jaws. 2) stretch it to 87m long. 3) replace water with sand. VOILA! Having Paulie from Rocky play the lead cop as if he was Paulie from Rocky dressed as a cop was....a choice. (Note: as a kid I was very freaked out by this movies trailer n VHS box. As an adult I was pretty underwhelmed by the flick). "Just when you thought it was safe to go back OUT of the water"

  5. Lifeguard (1976)

    Sam Elliott plays an early-thirties-something who wastes his days away as a beach lifeguard. His parents are disappointed, he has no interest in a real job, and his high school friends are simultaneously jealous of and amazed by his carefree attitude. Avoiding growing up, he spends his days having sex with underage girls and staring at the waves of the water. It's kind of dumb, but Elliott is hot so he gets away with it.


    The Lifeguard (2013)

    Kristen Bell plays an early-thirties-something who wastes her days away as a pool lifeguard. She moves back in with her parents, can't seem to hold down a real job, and her high school friends are simultaneously jealous of and amazed by her carefree attitude. Avoiding growing up, she spends her days having sex with underage boys and staring at the still pool water. It's kind of dumb, but Bell is hot so she gets away with it.

  6. Spring Break (1983, dir. Sean S. Cunningham)

    This movie came out the month I was born. Some other things that happened that month: The Compact Disc was introduced to the public, Reagan launched the Star Wars program, and Michael Jackson first did the Moonwalk.

    This movie sucked.

  7. BEACH BALL (1965) dir. Lennie Winerib
    Produced by Roger Corman

    A series of music videos strung together by a fragment of a story about a group of surfer musicians who will lose their purchased-on credit-instruments. Fluff. But fluff with baby Sid Haig on drums for the Righteous Brothers, dazzling Diana Ross, new celebrity crush for me Chris Noel, and an obligatory Dick Miller appearance.

    “Those candy bars look good without the wrappers.”

  8. Spring Breakers (2012)

    I hope it's as trashy as it sounds.

    Starring Linnea Quigley! Three space girls take their parents’ spaceship for a joyride, only to crash on Earth and romance some surfer dudes. This is a very dumb comedy, but the actors know it, and they play along with the dumbness of it all. This is also one of those movies that has entire music videos edited right into the film, and these go on for far too long, even with bikini babes and/or naked people cavorting about. It’s fun enough, but the movie gods will not judge you if you fast forward to the good stuff.

    Misty Mundae (remember her?) stars in this horror spoof, complete with cartoon caricature opening credits. If you’ve seen one of these Mundae movies before, you know what to expect. The jokes are hackneyed, the sexytimes are tame, and there’s a lot of filler to pad the runtime. On the plus side, the monster suit is impressive in its weirdness. It looks like the Creature from the Black Lagoon and the Grinch had a baby.

    Bonus Universal Monster-sploitation: THE INVISIBLE AGENT (1942)
    The grandson of the original Invisible Man gets the formula and parachutes behind enemy lines to battle Peter Lorre. It’s more rah-rah WWII propaganda than it is old-timey pulp hero action. Therea are some cool visual effects, but not much else to recommend.

    1. I was surprised that LInnea Quigley did not have more screen time. She was by far the biggest name attached to the film and worked a lot with David DeCoteau around that time.

      One of the more interesting aspects of Beach Babes From Beyond is the casting of relatives of famous actors: Sylvester Stallone's mother, Martin Sheen's brother, etc.

    2. Hey, i just got Beach Babes From Beyond from my local used dvd store, a couple of weeks ago. The guy was looking at me funny. Yeah, it's barely a movie, i didn't finish it actually.

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. Better late than never.


    BARBIE (2023, 4K UHD)

    I'll be honest, I just wanted an excuse to watch the "Barbie" 4K UHD I recently bought for a tener during an Amazon sale. But I do like my Junesploitation! pairing, and I happened to own a clean version of this first one.

    An all-time classic "MST3K" experiment from SciFi Channel's debut season in 1997 ('SOOOODIUUM!'), "The Horror of Party Beach" still entertains in its own low-budget, exploitative B&W way. There is a beach (a boring-looking Connecticut one) and old-looking teenagers/bikers do party/sing/dance rock-n-roll in it... for the first 20 minutes or so. A barrel of radioactive sludge falls from a passing boat, breaks and turns into time-lapse-photographed sea monsters. We get our first glimpse of the creatures and first victim early on, but then "The Horror" part continues ashore while the "Party Beach" portion fades away. The monsters massacre an all-female slumber party (perverts! :-P) and eventually our "teenage" heroes (John and Alice Lyon, both siblings-playing-would-be-lovers pushing 30+) make a last stand against the mutations in a swamp/woods area.

    Bad day for night photography? Silly-looking monster suits constantly recycled? Continuity errors galore? An all-knowing science guy (Allan Laurel's Dr. Gavin, Alice's movie dad) that stumbles on a solution? A stereotypical black domestic employee (Eulabelle Moore) scared to death? Padding footage of our hero driving through Manhattan landmarks? It's all here, cheesy and amusing in its sincere, wallet-friendly 60's earnestness. 'It's okay.' 3 CHOCOLATE SYRUP "BLOOD" STRIPS ON ELAINE'S LEG (out of 5).

    While I love "Barbie" for its deft balance of commercial-product-worship with sincere-heartfelt-message set to a mostly practical production that's every bit as impressive as "Oppenheimer" in avoiding the easily-within-reach CG crutch, it's also a pretty darn entertaining summer blockbuster spectacle. And beaches, both the fake type (where John Sena mermaids drink bruskies and the Kens serenade the Barbies with that one song... ARRRGHHH! :-D) and real ones (Venice Beach as both backdrop and portal into Barbieland... don't ask) figure prominently. Ryan Gosling's 'I don't do beach' line delivery is nectar from high atop the silly movie gods, and the epic beach battle between the Ken factions is worth rewatching in slow-motion to catch a few extra chuckles. For my money Simu Liu is the underrated actor in "Barbie" (that epic dance-off between him and Gosling... swoon!). I wouldn't mind a Ken spinoff revolving around Liu's Ken while the suits at Warner decide how many Brinks trucks to send over to Greta Gerwig's home to get her to do the inevitable sequel. It's also streaming on MAX, but "Barbie" looks/sounds even better on 4K if you have a TV big enough to hold the pop-culture heart and color explosion that beckon within its pink-colored Malibu houses. 5 "GODFATHER" JOKES THAT HIT A LITTLE TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT (out of 5).

  11. Babe Beach (2022) dir. Cagney Larkin

    Looking at the photoshopped/highly misleading poster of this on Tubi I can see why this movie is deluged with half star reviews on Letterboxd. If you're looking for (female)nudity and/or a gross out sex comedy, you'll kind of get one of those and it ain't the nudity.

    It's basically a micro-budgeted, meandering road trip film with some poop and premature ejaculation jokes peppered in. It wasn't my vibe but at least you can tell the people making it had a lot of fun.

  12. Humanoids from the Deep (1980)

    No dog, child, or topless babe is safe in this carnage-laden throwback to the classic gillman movies of the past! This one has 1980s standards of nudity and gore, making it even more fun (and exploitative) than its predecessors. Bitchin' creatures designed by Rob Bottin, who was 21 when this was made! Other highlights include Doug McClure in a puffy vest and puffier hair, an excellent score by James Horner, a ventriloquist dummy seduction scene, and a Subaru Brat! I missed New World day, so I double up here and was rewarded handsomely.

  13. The Endless Summer (1966, dir. Bruce Brown). Surfing documentary/travelogue. Kind of blown away by how good this was.

  14. Cheerleader Beach Party(1978 Dir Alex E. Goitein)
    4 cheerleaders from Rambling U head to the beach to stop State U from stealing their star players. Hijinx involving ghosts and crabs ensue. Its one of those that would have shown as the second feature on Up all Night after the good movie went off. Its not offensively bad but it does fail at everything it tries.

    North Shore (1987 Dir William Phelps)
    On a random Saturday in August 1987, I saw this movie and Lost Boys at the Atlantic Plaza in Satellite Beach. It was one of those perfect days at the theater. Both were on my most anticipated films and both delivered. Both are admittedly flawed but I love them. Now I find Lost Boys betters overall but I didn't go home with a Star crush that day. My mind was all about Kiani(Nia Peoples).

    The Lost Boys(1987 Dir Joel Shumacher) Half the film is set on a pier. I'm counting it as a beach movie.

  15. Bikini Beach (1964)
    I have long maintained that this is the best of the AIP Beach party movies. The whole gang is back, plus an outrageous Beatles satire in the person of Potato Bug, played by Frankie Avalon in a dual role. A big chimp surfs. The gang goes hot-roddin’. Martha Hyer, Don Rickles, Stevie Wonder, Timothy Carey, Keenan Wynn, Donna Loren, and Boris Karloff collect what I assume were meager paychecks. Cowabunga! “It’s where every torso is more so, and bare-as-you-dare is the rule!

  16. Long Weekend (1978)

    "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" *Don't mind if I do*

    Miserable, insufferable couple who are perfect for one another get exactly what they deserve (well, maybe they deserved a little worse).

    We're all in agreement the animals let Cricket out of the car, right? He's now living freely with his animal gang and that awesome corpse thing, stalking and killing shitty couples.