Johnny Deadline: Christmas GIFless Witlist

 by JB

With only a week to go to the BIG DAY, here are some last-minute gift suggestions for that movie-loving curmudgeon on your list!

Ah, Christmas! It’s always smelled like oranges to me... oranges and greed. Do not believe that loved one who insists, “I don’t need any presents.” They are lying. They are lying to your face. It’s a yearly holiday ploy to garner even more swag!

Swag, I say.

What follows is a list of terrific gifts with links to where you can purchase them.

For the first time ever since I started compiling this annual, cine-centric list, I did not take into account the PRICES of any of these treasures. I’m just assuming that MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

1. Universal Studios Fan Fest Fun Nights – This one is going to take a little coordination, what with the travel arrangements, hotel reservations, cosplay costumes, and theme park tickets, but I think it will all be worth it. This spring, Universal Studios borrows a page from Disney’s Halloween and Christmas Party events and leans into Heavy Fandom by devoting a number of nights to specially-ticketed Fan Service Fun. I see they are planning a Star Trek evening, a Back to the Future soiree, a Dungeons and Dragons party, a Harry Potter extravaganza, and several Anime Events. Sounds fun.

2. In Search of Darkness Documentary Trilogy – These were originally available as part of a Kickstarter campaign, but are now available at popular prices. According to the website, the discounted price is only available until December 24th. I don’t know about you, but this seems like a great price for 14+ hours of 1980s horror goodness. Our very own Heather Wixson even appears in the doc as one of the expert-talking heads! Bonus. Wait to be snowed in, light a fire in the fireplace or on the TV room floor, and do a deep dive into monster madness this holiday season. I know I will. $47.99 plus shipping. 

3. Speaking of In Search of Darkness, you HAVE picked up the companion book, yes? It’s terrific, and was co-written by a certain web-master we all know and love. Yummy, booky booky goodness—guaranteed. It's got pictures!

4. Jazwares' “This May Be My Craziest Purchase Yet” Darth Vader Costume – A review of this damn thing unexpectedly came up on my YouTube feed the other night, and I found it strangely fascinating. You know you want one, right? Only $1000

5. Speaking of books, the fine folks at the British Film Institute continue their important work by publishing some of the finest film monographs around. My three latest acquisitions/fevered reads/delightful afternoons of movie goodness include Chinatown by Michael Eaton, Close Encounters of the Third Kind by Dana Polan, and All the President's Men by Christian Keathley and Robert B. “A Certain Tendency of the Hollywood Cinema” Ray. All great! Like potato chips, addictive. I bet you can’t eat just one! $16.95-$17.95

6. The New Beverly Theater, the Los Angeles revival house owned by Quentin Tarantino, always has a goodly selection of merch. This year, for the cinephile on your list who has vowed to one day attend the New Beverly but nonetheless has never made good on his promise, we have a little vinyl model of the theater. It is cute. I wonder if it squeaks. $30.

7. Lego Walt Disney Tribute Camera – I have been led into the Lego-verse through my lovely wife’s legendary Lego love. (Try saying that ten times fast.) This seems the ideal display piece for the move lover, cartoon hound, or Disneyphile. It’s handsome, and the building of this kit seems to guarantee hours of fun. And isn’t “Hours of Fun” what it’s all about? $99.99

8. Boris Karloff Autograph Display w/ Certificate of Authenticity – No, I do not collect autographs, but this one would be awfully nice to have. Awfully nice. Boris actually touched this. Sigh. Nicely framed and displayed. Look, Karloff wrote, “Sincerely.” Isn’t that just like him? $2,275

9. Bela Lugosi Signed Photo - You see, the film Ed Wood wasn’t joking about Lugosi memorabilia outselling Karloff memorabilia. C’mon! The man’s been dead for 66 years... or do I mean UNDEAD? A steal at $4,466.09. 

10. Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff: Rare Autographed Photo — Both! If you really have some disposable cash to throw around, consider this item: Karloff and Lugosi autographs on a SINGLE PHOTO. My heart races. My brain perspires. Yes, it is a little pricey. No, you cannot put a price on happiness. They both touched this!

I’m sure that any of these... various things... poking their various heads out from under various Christmas trees... will help to make the season bright. Or something like that.

Happy Holidays.