F This Movie Fest 2025 SNACKS

by JB and Jan B.

Saturday is the BIG DAY, F-Heads! The 83rd Annual F This Movie Fest. This year we're on Bluesky for the first time, but did you know that when FTM Fest started in 1942, our platform was telegraph? Morse's Miracle Machine! Now you know!

If there is one thing that we are famous for, it's movie-themed snacks. If there are two things that we are famous for, it's movie-themed snacks... and crime.

It would be a CRIME if you didn't try some of our snack suggestions when we're all celebrating 1998 together on Saturday. If you do, post pics and tag the Fest! We love you all. Also, Patreon subscribers: you're on our "no-crimes” list.

To set the mood for 1998, Google's AI Overview has suggested that popular foods that year may have included pasta, pizza, and burgers, proving that AI is useless because those are basically the three most popular foods of ANY year! According to Delish.com, the food people were "obsessed with" in 1998 was Crab Cakes. We love crab cakes but don't recall a national obsession in 1998 or at any time since. What would a crab cake obsession even look like? You've gone too far, Delish.

The interwebs agrees that 1998's most popular candy was the Baby Bottle Pop, which was introduced that year. These are still available, if you like dipping things in sugar and sucking on them while looking like an idiot.

We FAR prefer M&M's Party Mix, also introduced that year. Party Mix is a colorful blend of Plain, Peanut, Almond, and Peanut Butter M&M's. It was invented by our son, Jake, when he was 8 years old. It is NOT now NOR EVER has been commercially available. You can make it yourself with any type or number of M&M varieties... but take care to get the ratios right.

Small Soldiers

Snack: Toy Soldiers and Eggs. Easy to make, and a perfect breakfast-y start to the day! Maybe you don't like your eggs soft-boiled, but that's okay—hard boil them, and just jam the toast down in there!

Drink: JB wanted to invent something brunchy to start our day. His creation: The Rusty Canteen, a cross between a Rusty Nail and a Mimosa. Yummy! Here's his exclusive FTM Fest recipe:

3 oz. Orange Juice
2 oz. Champagne
.5 oz. Drambuie

Shake together and pour over crushed ice. Garnish with a grenade pin. A tiny, tiny grenade pin.

The Faculty

Snack: Our first thought was to suggest a school cafeteria classic: Rectangular Slab of Doughy Pizza, served resentfully with a side salad of rusty-edged iceberg lettuce and carrot shreds. But no! We're saving that for later, when you can all order your favorite local pie for #ProofofPizza. Instead, we're opting for another school caf. staple: Tater Tots. They're salty, like Zeke Tyler. But delicious! Unlike space drugs.

Drink: The Herrington Red & Gold. Use some of the orange juice left over from your breakfast boozing to try this variation on a Tequila Sunrise:

1 oz. Bacardi Gold
4 oz. Orange Juice
.5 oz. Grenadine

Rim your glass with space drugs—err, powdered sugar—and add ice. Pour rum, then juice, over the ice. Carefully add grenadine on top; it should sink to the bottom. None of these students are of legal drinking age... but you are!

The Big Lebowski

Snack: Well, WE will be eating In-N-Out burgers because, as Donny says, "those are good burgers, Walter." All of YOU will be telling us to “shut the fuck up” because, unless you live in select counties west of the Mississippi, you can't have them. Instead, get yourself an inferior take-out burger, wrap it in Revelation 3:20, and pretend.

Drink: It's gotta be a White Russian. “Careful, man, there's a beverage here!”

Psycho

Snack: Norman loves stuffed birds, and Mother says you should too. We recommend Chicken Kiev. You can buy them frozen, or make your own... if you've got time to kill.

Drink: The Bloody Marion, of course! It's just like a Bloody Mary, except that you drink it in the shower.

Snake Eyes

Snack: Snake snack, Cage is BACK! We last welcomed Nic Cage to FTM Fest in 2023 in Valley Girl. Should Nicolas Kim Coppola make an appearance at every FTM Fest from now on? I know he's Patrick Bromley's favorite actor but I will NOT offer programming advice because, when it comes to our favorite holiday, Patrick knows what he's doing.

It's just about the dinner hour, so let's have our #ProofofPizza! “Pepperoni, sausage, Canadian bacon... why don't you just get the deluxe and save time?”

Drink: Snake Bite Shot: We've been daying all drink, so let's keep this one simple: it's a shot of Yukon Jack Whiskey with Rose's Lime Juice to taste.

Armageddon

Snack: It's finally dessert time here on Liv Tyler's toned, taut tummy. Bust out the Animal Crackers and share some photos of the naughty places you bounce them. (Not too naughty! This is a family site, fuckheads.)

Drink: We found a ton of very boozy drinks already called “The Armageddon.” But where's the fun in that? Try OUR exclusive FTM Fest concoction, “Asteroid the Size of Texas.” Like a Michael Bay movie, it throws together all the shit we already have into something big, loud, and narcotizing. A perfect end-of-the-Fest celebration!

1 oz. Bacardi Gold (aka “the Harry”)
1.5 oz. Myers's Platinum (aka “the AJ”)
1.5 oz. Demerara Rum (aka “the Bear”)
3/4 oz. Rose's Lime Juice
1 tsp. Grenadine
.5 oz simple syrup
1 oz orange juice

Shake all ingredients; pour over ice into a glass rimmed with Tajin. You'll go into orbit! But only drink one—they're strong. We've got the post-Fest podcast coming up... and you don't want to miss a thing.