Johnny Showtime: KING OF KINGS

 by JB

What if I told you there was a new movie playing in theaters right now starring Kenneth Branagh, Uma Thurman, Oscar Isaac, Mark Hamill, Pierce Brosnan, Ben Kingsley, and Forest Whitaker? Would you want to go? Of course, you would want to go!

Would it change your mind if it turned out that said film was a faith-based cartoon and all those famous stars merely lent their voices? (Hahaha "Lent" their voices! Catholic joke!) I thought so.

As Patrick Bromley and I discussed on a recent podcast, King of Kings looks very interesting. It’s got that A-list of voice talent. It is the directorial debut for Korean animation wunderkind Jang Seong-Ho. It features Charles Dickens narrating the life of Christ.

WHOA THERE! Before you, like me, conclude that this must be the biggest popular culture non-sequitur of 2025, let me remind you that Dickens actually wrote a children’s book titled The Life of Our Lord. It was not one of his more popular works; I had never heard of it.

King of Kings was produced by Angel Studios, which had the surprise hit of 2023 with Sound of Freedom, which grossed 250 million dollars. Angel Studios was also responsible for releasing episodes of The Chosen to theaters, which proved very popular. King of Kings has grossed almost 70 million dollars in one month. Clearly, there is a market for faith-based entertainment.

THE PLOT IN BRIEF: After interrupting a staged reading of A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens’ son Walter is tricked into listening to his father and mother tell him the story of Jesus Christ. Because this is an animated film, as Walter becomes more enmeshed in the narrative, he and his father are transported from the Dickens house to ancient Nazareth. They feast after the miracle of the loaves and fishes. It is the first time I’ve seen the Palm Sunday procession include a time-traveling Charles Dickens, his son, and their pet cat in the crowd. This sets the stage for other mind-numbing inconsistencies of tone and story.

At this point, the filmmakers lose sight of their frame story with a digression and some weird physical comedy during the famous Palm Sunday procession. Although in the main story, Charles Dickens is telling his son the story in his London study, we are shown the Dickens’ darn cat getting loose in the Jerusalem crowd and Jesus finding it and returning it to little Walter. WTF?

This might be the most poorly-conceived children’s film ever made. The single best example of bad plotting might be the five-minute digression, ten minutes before the end of the film, where Dickens quickly consults a book from the shelf and explains original sin to a ten-year old. Then, the story can continue.

Another digression is illustrated in a completely different animation style than the "Old Testament Pixar" style of the main narrative. The digression features woodcuts brought to life with a strange, mechanical repetitiveness that resembles Terry Gilliam’s animations for Monty Python. You know... like in the Bible!

Because the film, at least at the beginning, is aimed at children, Greatest Hits abound. The film is heavy on the miracles: feeding the multitudes, walking on water, curing the sick, raising the dead. You know... stuff kids like! There is also that cartoon cat who fills much too much screen time with failed comic relief.

Beyond the fact that the animation is beneath the level of what a precocious middle-schooler can do on her MacBook Pro, the character design is insane. These characters look like the puppety creations in Rankin/Bass animated specials from the 1960s: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Mad Monster Party, and The Year Without a Santa Claus. In fact, King Herod looks a lot like Heat Miser from the latter Rankin/Bass film, but with a beard. Only Heat Miser didn’t order all the babies in Bethlehem to be killed. It’s grotesquely incongruous.

I was raised Catholic and as King of Kings progressed, I correctly predicted that the filmmakers would abandon any pretense of telling the story "to children" the closer we get to the end because 1) They LIVE for the “torture-y” parts of the story, or 2) They automatically tell the story the same way once they start, no matter who’s listening. Being scourged? Check. Crown of thorns? Check. Nailed to a cross? Check. Timmy, I know that you are only five, but are you getting this?

Dickens’ son Walter tries to offer Jesus some water as he carries his cross to Golgotha, but he trips and spills it. Is this tragic irony or batshit crazy comic relief? Watching a comical-looking, cartoon Roman centurion pounding nails through Jesus’ palms is… a disturbing mélange of tones.

I began to wonder if the voice talent were all doing some sort of court-ordered, church-sanctioned public service. My wife had a theory that the film’s producers offered them all suitcases full of cash and the chance to record their lines from their own houses in just a few hours. Of course, we cannot ignore the possibility that these esteemed actors believe in their religion and were trying to further the cause. That would be sort of heartwarming. I just wish the movie was better.

PASS THE PLATE: During the end credits, the screen exhorted me to stay in my seat because there would be a SPECIAL MESSAGE coming up. This SPECIAL MESSAGE was surely something SPECIAL because the screen featured a count-down timer to it. When the credits ended, I was treated to a montage of children explaining why they enjoyed the film I had just seen (“I loved the cat!”) and wishing that MORE CHILDREN COULD SEE IT. Apparently, that’s where I come in. I was instructed to scan the QR code on the screen with my phone, which would take me to a site where I could pledge money that would be used to PURCHASE MOVIE TICKETS FOR THE LESS FORTUNATE!

This is the Catholicism that I remember from my youth: a confusing, vaguely terrifying religious parable... followed by a request for cash. Amen.