by JB
What on earth will I do with my Tuesday nights?
Shortly after moving to California, I discovered a cozy little neighborhood movie theater that was incredibly close to my new home. (Just up the 101, pass three exits and off at Telephone Road.) The Regency Buenaventura is low slung, part of a strip mall, has six screens, and reminds me for all the world of the late, lamented Mount Prospect I and II Theaters back where I used to live—same layout and same seats. When the Mount Prospect closed, someone turned it into a banquet hall: that was where my brother had his wedding reception.
Where was I?
Oh, yes! The Regency Buenaventura! Regency is a small chain—only 16 theatres, 14 of which are in California. Its most famous theater was the Westwood Village in Los Angeles, which closed last year, only to be purchased and immediately reopened by Landmark Cinemas. Once I learned that the Buenaventura showed classic films every Tuesday night, I became one of the regulars there. Over these past three years I've gotten to see
All the President’s Men, Back to the Future, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Blade Runner, Blazing Saddles, Casablanca, Clue, Cry Baby, Dazed and Confused, The Exorcist, Ghostbusters, Grease, Gremlins, A Hard Day’s Night, Heavy Metal, It’s a Wonderful Life, Jaws, Jumanji, Jurassic Park, A League of their Own, London After Midnight, North By Northwest, Psycho, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Rear Window, Shaun of the Dead, The Shining, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Sting, White Christmas, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and
The Wizard of Oz—all on a big screen!
Okay, maybe not
London After Midnight.
Last week, the scheduled classic film was
The Muppet Movie. I had not seen this little gem in a dog’s age, but still hesitated about going to see it. Ask my lovely wife about this phenomenon: it drives her crazy. From approximately Sunday afternoon to about 6:55pm on Tuesday night (just in time to high-tail it out to the 7:30pm screening) I would hem and haw about going and never make up my mind until the last minute. This time, I decided not to go but to watch it at home instead. (The version on Disney+ is in 4K!) I needn’t have hemmed and hawed: The theater had closed for good two days earlier. I learned this on the Facebook machine a few days later. The staff thanked everyone for their support, and that was it.
Yes, I am sad. It was a clean, comfortable neighborhood theater. I should not be surprised though because shortly after moving here, I noticed that another Regency Theater—the Regency Paseo in Camarillo—had moved to only being open five days a week; it was dark on Monday and Wednesdays, the two slowest days of the week. A few months later, it closed. About a month ago, the Regency Buenaventura had also scaled back to five days a week.
I will need to content myself with Fathom Events screenings; occasional trips to the Chinese, Egyptian, or New Beverly Theaters; and near-nightly movies at home. I will miss the Regency Buenaventura, and will pray that it someday reopens before it is bulldozed to make room for another fucking Burlington Coat Factory.
So, I watched
The Muppet Movie at home on my huge television with an audience of two: me and my wife. I forgot how much fun the film is, how stuffed it is with movie star cameos. Was the studio worried that the Muppets themselves couldn’t carry an entire feature film? When it was over, my wife observed that the whole film can be seen as a metaphor for Jim Henson's career: a plucky, young, talented, and quirky individual surrounds himself with like-minded dreamers and eventually finds huge success in Hollywood. I told her that I had realized that when I first saw the film at 17 years old. I wasn’t being a smart-ass; the “Life is a movie; write your own ending” finale had always seemed like a very personal message from Jim Henson to me—to all of us—back in 1979.
I began to imagine F This Movie, the podcast and the website, to be similar in shape, form, and metaphor, to the Muppets. Go with me on this. Kermit gathers some strange individuals around him, and proposes an entertaining enterprise. We’re going to put on a show! The parallels are uncanny!
Here goes: Patrick is Kermit, Erika is Miss Piggy (She has pretty hair and likes to sing.), Adam Riske is Fozzie Bear, Mike Pomaro and Adam Thas are Bunsen and Beaker, I am Rowlf the Dog, Jan is Scooter, and TV's Rob DiChristino is the majestic Sam Eagle. Let's say Doug is the Swedish Chef... because he's tall, everyone loves him, but no one can ever understand anything he’s saying. I am not sure about Rosalie Lewis, but I think she might be Gonzo, and I mean that in the best possible way. Jan suggested that, in reality, I might actually be Dr. Teeth. Like Dr. Teeth, I always wear a hat... and I am a huge supporter of mayhem, electric or otherwise.
This is food (and felt) for thought.
“The secret of the Muppets is they’re not very good at what they do. Like, Kermit’s not a great host. Fozzie is not a good comedian. Miss Piggy is not a great singer… None of them are actually good at it, but they really love it [...] And they’re like a family, and they like putting on a show, and they have joy, and because of the joy, it doesn’t matter that they’re not good at it. And that’s like what we all should be... Muppets.”
—Brett Goldstein
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