Johnny Showtime: Son of Monsterpalooza 2025

 by JB

Say, can there be “reruns” in real life?

I was not happy that I had to miss Flashback Weekend this past August for the third year in a row (Thanks, big-ticket SPORTS CARD SHOW that sold out the damn hotel in FEBRUARY.) That's one reason why, this past weekend, I was so looking forward to Son of Monsterpalooza, the big-ticket horror con that’s practically in my backyard, if my backyard encompassed 63 square miles and a long stretch of the 101 freeway.

The guests were dutifully announced. The hotel room was dutifully booked. The tickets were dutifully purchased. The journey was dutifully begun. Would JB MEET HIS FATE in the quiet suburb of Burbank, California? Or would the REAL "horror con" be the friends he made along the way?

THE PLUSSES: It was a beautiful weekend, even by heightened SoCal weather standards. I got a good spot in the hotel’s parking lot. The Burbank Marriott hosts plenty of conventions, and the staff there is quite good at it. Due to blind luck or a forgotten rewards program, I received a free room upgrade. The shrimp cocktail that I enjoyed before the doors opened was surely one of the FIVE BEST shrimp cocktails I have ever eaten, and, trust me, I have eaten a lot of shrimp in my lifetime.

The show was not overly crowded. I purchased an obscure Blu-ray disc for Patrick that he was hoping to write about in the future. A booth devoted to amazing rubber masks featured a man and woman who made crazy silicone versions of their own heads. It was the coolest! The booth featured a beautiful Hatbox Ghost mask that was so pricey, I hope someone who loves me gets it for me as a Christmas gift. I met friend-of-the-site Cameron Cloutier and his delightful son in the lobby before the show started, and we shared a delightful conversation. I really appreciate good conversation of late because, since moving to Oxnard, I only ever talk to Patrick once a month. No one else. My lovely wife stopped talking to me in May of 1993.

NOTE: Everything above is ancillary to the show itself.

THE MINUSES: The show was almost exactly like last year’s. Most of the vendors even had the EXACT SAME SPACES in the dealers’ room. I felt like I was in some sort of Deja-Vu FEVER DREAM, tooling around the hall. “Okay, move forward toward the Famous Monsters of Filmland booth. To your left is Bill Moseley. To your right is the Max Fleisher animation ephemera dealers, followed by that one guy who always has interesting new stuff. Take a long, hard right to the folks with the life-sized Return of the Jedi Rancor Creature you can actually ride on and have your picture taken. Then two independent artists in a row, followed by Katey Sagal, Terry Kiser and a taciturn Billy Zane on your right. On your left is the Elvira/Vampira dealer, and at the end of the hall, the great Kane Hodder." (I wrote that without a site map because the year-to-year sameness etched its grooves into my soul.) If I had simply worn a POV Go-Pro camera on my baseball cap that first year, I could replay the experience at home and not need to attend. If I pined for the chance to spend some of my hard-earned money, I could cap the evening off by buying some of the same stuff online.

At this event, many of the celebrities are secluded in private rooms, and unless you purchase an autograph or photo opportunity, you never see them. Kudos to the celebrity guests who brave the common dealer’s room: Linda Blair, Bill Moseley, Kane Hodder, Katey Sagal, Billy Zane, the Chiodo brothers, Michael Berryman, Terry Kiser, Tom Savini, and Alexandra Breckenridge. Fans love you all. Ultimately, maybe my disappointment is my own fault for expecting a totally new, totally different, revelatory experience every single goddamn year. That’s simply not realistic but hey, a bitter man can dream.

STOP THE PRESSES: Cameron Cloutier discovered this weekend that the studio involved is going to do a REPRESS/REPRINT of the out-of-print, unrated Night of the Living Dead from 1990 that Tom Savini directed. So, there’s that. Also, Cameron’s son dressed as Ghostface this year; he was a highlight of the dealer’s room.

I will say this-- attending Son of Monsterpalooza in Burbank beat sitting on my fat ass at home. And isn’t that ultimately what we are all searching for? Fat Ass at Home Alternatives? Can I get a witness? Perhaps I should start my own movie convention and call it FAHA!

BIG DEAL GIVE-AWAY TO REWARD YOU FOR FINISHNG THIS COLUMN:
I have of late, and wherefore I know not, come into possession of some digital codes for movies I already own.

MY LOSS IS YOUR GAIN because I am GIVING THEM AWAY to loyal readers and listeners. I have “Movies Anywhere” digital codes for the original Universal Monster Movies Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, The Bride of Frankenstein, The Wolfman, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which Patrick and I will be talking about on the podcast tomorrow.

HOW TO WIN: Send me a DM on the Instagram machine (@jbfthismovie) indicating your raw, unfettered desire for a free classic scary movie. I will choose eight lucky winners at random on Friday afternoon and send each winner a digital code. It’s that simple. Let’s all celebrate Scary Movie Month with fun and monsters, shall we?

(Yes, let’s.)