by JB
WARNING: Minor spoilers ahead!
The Alto Knights, from March of this year, was so awful, so misbegotten, such a miserable viewing experience, that I no longer remember it as a movie. I remember it as an unfortunate event, a mistake, an automobile accident... in slow motion.
Fucking glad I skipped: Wolf Man.
Fucking glad I skipped: Flight Risk.
Fucking glad I skipped: Captain America: Brave New World.
Still wondering why Riff Raff did not receive more attention. It’s the kind of satisfying, mid-budget movie that viewers will be discovering on streaming services for years to come. Small, but satisfying.
Why did Mickey 17 leave me cold?
The game goes on. Darkness falls. Eephus.
Black Bag did not get the attention it deserved. It makes me happy that it is showing up on many Ten Best lists for the year.
Wait, the live-action Snow White was THIS year? This has been a very long year...
Fucking glad I skipped: Popeye the Slayer Man.
Fucking glad I chanced upon The Luckiest Man in America streaming late one night.
Well, you can’t say that this film didn’t deliver what the trailer promised: The Amateur.
Fucking glad I skipped: Screamboat.
Wait, King of Kings came out in March? How does that make any sense? It’s the animated tale of Charles Dickens regaling his children with the story of Jesus Christ. I’m not making this up. Kenneth Branagh, Mark Hamill, Ben Kingsley, Pierce Brosnan, and Uma Thurman do voices. Did I dream this movie?
Good for the soul: a big, ambitious movie seen one Saturday afternoon on the biggest screen in the neighborhood: Sinners.
Dark and irredeemably bleak, welcome to the new Marvel Universe: Thunderbolts.
Streaming movie as comfort food: Nonnas.
Fucking glad I skipped: Clown in a Cornfield.
Yes, it is quite definitely “up its own ass,” but it is still better than 80% of the other movies released this year: The Phoenician Scheme.
The wonder and satisfaction of a big dance number, The Life of Chuck.
Fucking glad I skipped: The Materialists.
I was so terrified of that fucking radio broadcast (or whatever the fuck it was) in the trailer that I could not bring myself so see the fucking film: 28 Years Later. (EDITOR’S NOTE: It was a 1915 recording of the actor Taylor Holmes reciting Rudyard Kipling's Boots, written about the relentless marching required during the Second Boer War.)
Patrick and Rob assure me that I should not beat myself up over missing F1.
When Corporate Entities Create: Jurassic World Afterbirth.
You are watching the latest Jurassic Park installment and judging how cynical an endeavor it is... by which family members will be killed in the frame story...
Half a good movie. I’m not saying which half: Superman.
I wish I could have seen the following in an honest-to-goodness movie theater: Death by Lightning, Splitsvillle, Riff Raff, Eephus, The Life of Chuck, Roofman, A House of Dynamite, and Smurfs. Just kidding on that last one.
I’m still amazed that I got to see Fantastic Four: First Steps in an honest-to-goodness drive-in movie theater, with all the pleasures and pains that entails: car problems, sound problems, neighbor cars with blinding lights, the sight of our godkids snuggled into the back seat with blankets, the specter of dead batteries, many trips to the snack bar, laughing with friends, needing to see the movie again the next week in a regular theater to see all the parts we missed. Fifties-era fun!
Half a good movie. I’m not saying which half: Oh, Hi!
When Corporate Entities Create Comedy, Julie Bowen dies: Happy Gilmore 2.
Such a thing: Together.
Motivated children go through windows, Weapons.
Josh Brolin gives two of the best performances of the year, Weapons and Wake Up Dead Man.
Fucking glad I skipped: Freakier Friday.
Overhearing a child at the cinema explain to a younger sibling, "There are two ones: Freaky Friday, and Freaker Friday."
“A man has a dream and that's the start...
He follows his dream with mind and heart.
And when it becomes a reality,
It's a dream come true for you and me: Jimmy and Stiggs
Honey, DO: Honey Don’t.
Fucking glad I skipped: The Roses.
Impossible to get out from under the earlier film’s enormous shadow: Spinal Tap II: The End Continues.
How delightful to know that there are filmmakers who still know what they are doing. It kind of gives you hope: One Battle After Another.
Leonardo DiCaprio can’t remember the password, One Battle After Another.
Benicio Del Toro extolls the pleasures of a few small beers, One Battle After Another.
Sean Penn perfects the art of walking with a stick up his ass, One Battle After Another.
Small, but satisfying: Dead of Winter.
Fucking glad I skipped: Tron: I’m an Aries.
Small, but satisfying: Roofman.
Anthony Ramos is the only one in the room to realize what that computer screen really means, A House of Dynamite.
Jared Harris doesn’t make the helicopter, A House of Dynamite.
A matter of mismatched parts: Frankenstein.
Who’s that man in the corner? Why, it’s E.B. White! Blue Moon.
Jonah Lees plays the piano throughout the film—it’s the Great American Songbook! Blue Moon.
The very definition of a tour-de-force: Ethan Hawke, Blue Moon.
A film full of pleasures large and small, Bugonia.
A truly great movie. Just don’t start watching it at 1:00 AM. Nouvelle Vague
Small, but satisfying: Good Fortune.
Keanu Reeves’ reading of the line, “Leave me alone, Jeff. I like it. It’s all I have,” Good Fortune.
Fucking glad I skipped: Now You See Me, Now You Don’t See This Movie.
The movie I will now use to illustrate the concept of being “up its own ass.” Pity, because the Adam Sandler performance is one for the ages: Jay Kelly.
Josh Brolin confesses his sins to Josh O’Connor, Wake Up Dead Man.
“So, if there is a message I have to give, it is that I've found one overriding thing about my personal election [...] you have to give people hope.” --Harvey Milk
Eephus is such a good movie. Thanks Rob and Adam for pointing it out to us.
ReplyDeleteDid you get the blu-ray? It's very worth it
Maybe it’s because I went into it with such low expectations, but I’m glad I didn’t skip Materialists. I think everyone thought Celine Song was cashing in on the buzz of Past Lives and making a Sex in the City-esque rom-com. But I think she was making her version of an Ozu film, which were often about the post war generation struggling between the arranged-marriage traditions of Japan and the idea of finding love on one’s own. And I think Song chose Johnson because she has a restrained, meditative acting style like Chishu Ryu.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe Johnson is an Ozu fan or maybe Song just picked her the way Dean Parisot picked Tim Allen to play a tool in Galaxy Quest.
It’s not near my top 10 of 25 but I’ll give a chance on any movie by anyone who names themself after Celine and Julie Go Boating when they immigrate to Canada at age 12.
"Yes, it is quite definitely 'up its own ass,' but it is still better than 80% of the other movies released this year: The Phoenician Scheme."
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree! I just watched The Phoenician Scheme last night and I wouldn't call it top tier Wes by any stretch, but boy did I laugh at a lot of it and goodness what gorgeous sets and that cast! I totally understand that some people have grown tired of the Wes Anderson thing, but expecting him to do something different at this point seems like a fool's errand. As I said to Andy last night, you can ask when Etta James is releasing her pop album but it probably ain't gonna happen. Not every director operates in multiple genres--I think in 20 years or so, people will look back on even the lesser Wes and see him as a light in the wilderness of the IP machine and streaming wars. I think we're lucky to have him.
Seconded.
Delete