Monday, November 15, 2010

F This Movie! - Pearl Harbor

You know, 2001's Pearl Harbor hit us with a sledgehammer. Patrick and Doug's f'ing, even if it makes it through, will only be a pinprick...but it will be straight through Michael Bay's heart.

Download this episode here. (65 MB)

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Also discussed this episode: Iron Giant (1999), Marie Antoinette (2006), How the West Was Won (1962), Morning Glory (2010), Dawn of the Dead (1978)


  1. I realize this is a few millennia after the podcast was originally posted, but this particular episode is one of my favorites to hear after a tough day. Just FYI, there are 2 movies that deal with the events covered in Bay's misbegotten soap opera, and which are much, MUCH better both in terms of drama and of history:

    Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) - The attack on Pearl Harbor, told from both the Japanese and American sides. You may be surprised to hear that "We've awoken a sleeping giant" is supposedly something that the Japanese Commander actually said shortly after the attack. When you watch this movie, however, you'll understand exactly why he said it. Bay just takes the comment stripped of any context and plops it in.

    Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo (1944) - The Dolittle Raid, from initial planning to execution and aftermath. Very well done, and tense as hell. In what will undoubtedly be a stunning shocker to any filmgoer familiar with Bay, he makes a historical error when he has our 2 JC Penny's models go from flying fighter planes to bombers - that kind of thing just didn't happen, despite what we may have learned from Airplane!

    Striker: "I flew single engine planes during the war, but this plane has 4 engines! It's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether!"
    Randi and Dr. Rumack: "It's an entirely different kind of flying."

  2. Replies
    1. Thank you, sir. I would hate to watch this movie just to watch it. That sounds just terrible.

  3. Michael Bay should make more movies like, wait...he should go fuck himself.
    Great accents. They're supposed to be retarded, right?
    When they read their letters to each other, I want to kill myself.
    He cut us. We bleedin'. Michael Bay loves black people.
    There are alot of well known actors in this movie. 30 minutes in...I hate all of them.
    They never let Cuba Gooding fire a weapon. I wonder if he'll fire a weapon.
    A brilliant man would avoid war - some bullshit thing the Japanese never said.
    Hartnet and Beckinsale have great chemistry.He should bang Rafe's love out of her.
    Never rub another man's rhubarb - The shitty Joker
    Michael Shannon's going full retard
    Quick, hide in the parachute hangar! That made me laugh out loud.
    I don't know history very well but I think somethings going to happen at this Pearl Harbor
    If Affleck doesn't come back as a zombie, I'm going to be pissed.
    Dan Akroyd knew but you didn't listen. And you paid, dearly...
    This is like 9-11 all over again. Never forget.
    I'm so glad your back but I totally boned your best a parachute hangar...
    He rips the calendar's page to show the date. Are you fuckin kidding me?
    It feels like the Japanese are going on some sort of Kamikazi mission.
    Don't interrupt me, motherfucker, I'm golfing.
    The dude from Karate Kid part 2 is going to kill americans and himself for his girlfriend.
    Somebody get Radio a goddamn gun.
    I feel they had that guy studder just so he couldn't spit out that the Japs were there.
    Roosevelt dropping those papers was magnificent. Jon Voight you shitty, shitty actor.
    Tom Sizemore sizemorin' it up.
    Who will she choose? Who fuckin cares?
    He can walk! It's a miracle!
    Will this movie ever end?
    I think Ben Affleck forgot about his accent.
    Greatest movie ever or big giant dump on american history? You decide...

  4. This podcast gave me so many smiles. I dare say it may be as good at Pearl Harbor is bad.