Wednesday, February 2, 2011

F These Snow Movies

Since most of us at F This Movie! are currently buried by 14 feet of snow, it seems like a great time to F movies that take place in the snow. So let's build a snowman. We can make him our best friend. We can name him Bob or we can name him Beowulf.

1. The Thing (1982) - John Carpenter's best movie (sorry, Halloween) is also one of the best horror movies ever made. Rarely has cold and snow seemed more desolate or oppressive. The murderous alien freakshow only makes it worse.

2. Fargo (1996) - Speaking of the best movies ever made.

3. Snow Day (2000) - You would think that a movie celebrating the limitless possibilities of the most glorious of days would be fun. Snow Day isn't.

4. The Shining (1980) - See the above description of The Thing, only swap out "murderous alien freakshow" for "creepy fucking twins and elevator blood and pig face head and Jack Nicholson."

5. Ravenous (1999) - Wow, it sure is cold out here. You guys got anything to eat?

6. Whiteout (2009) - The only thing more boring than endless landscapes of blank, white snow? Kate Beckinsale. Seriously. Fuck her.

7. The Empire Strikes Back (1980) - Because HOTH and I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

8. A Simple Plan (1998) - Sam Raimi graduates from horror and comic books and does a stellar Gothic tragedy with a black, black heart. Great movie. Sam Raimi would then move on to comic books and Kevin Costner. Because progress.

9. Better Off Dead (1985) - This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?

10. Frozen (2010) - Adam Green's non-Hatchet horror movie is basically Open Water on a ski lift, but it's still a really effective exercise in building tension and knowing just how awful to be. If only those CGI wolves would have stayed out of it.

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