Friday, April 15, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Week of April 11)

I have three REALLY VERY GOOD movies to show you, which I'm SURE you'll LOVE and APPRECIATE. Who knows? They might even make you NOT want to kill yourself! Oh, by the way, today is opposite day!

Release date: Sept. 9, 2011

This looks REALLY good! (#sarcasm) I don't know whether to punch Patrick, cry or jerk off. I think I'll do all three! And you just know -- you just KNOW -- the type of mook who's going to start worshipping this movie. After all, The Boondock Saints is 11 years old (holy shit!), and the idiots of the world need something new to rally around. Full disclosure: I say this as a person who occasionally stops on HDNet to watch a round or two of MMA (which is played on a continuous loop, methinks). HOWEVER, I'm secure enough in my DORKINESS to acknowledge the fact that this movie doesn't just look like garbage, this movie IS garbage.

Everything Must Go
Release date: May 13, 2011

I know there's a whole Internet meme out there called, "Being white is hard," which, I guess, is supposed to provide some sort of ironic distance(?) for hipsters(?) who probably want to like something like this, but have to pretend they're... too cool to like something like this? I don't know. I just know the world is a confusing place where it's hard to have genuine emotions about ANYTHING without being called a pussy (or any insulting name [see Warrior entry, above]). This movie looks good! It intrigues me! And yes, I realize that the problems of a middle-aged white man don't compare to some of the reallyreally horrible atrocities out there, but still. I'd rather have Will Ferrell make 10 Everything Must Goes (or Lands of the Lost [did I pluralize that correctly?]) than one more Bewitched.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Release date: Aug. 5, 2011

"Planet of the APES! Planet of the APES! Planet of the APES! Planet of the APES!" (sung to the tune of "Planet of the APES!") If you like CGI monkeys, the music from Inception, James Franco's unconvincing acting and simply awful, by-committee title reconfigurations (the original name of this movie was Rise of the Apes, which I'm sure we can all agree is exactly one million times better -- but no, if it was called that, then we wouldn't GET IT), then you'll LOVE Rise of the Planet of the Apes!

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