Friday, May 20, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Week of May 16)

Confession time: I haven't watched a lot of movies lately. I know, right? RIDICULOUS, especially for a film Web site. I SHOULD BE FIRED!* Dude (dude?), I've just been busy. LIFE. It gets in the way. This guy (you in the back) knows what I'm talking about. For example, I bought a grill last weekend. HOWEVER, after I bought the grill, drove the grill home and hauled the grill up three flights of stairs, I realized that the box the grill came in was open and a grill part was missing. So, I exchanged the old grill for a new grill. Assembled the grill. Cooked on the grill. What I'm trying to say that is my existence has become VERY grill-based. On another note, did you ever stare at a word for so long that it doesn't even look like a word anymore? GRILL. GRILL. GRILL. GRILL. GRILL. Phew! Even though I haven't watched a lot of MOVIES lately, I have been keeping up with movie TRAILERS. Exciting, right? Yeah -- you're excited. I can tell.

*Patrick, please don't fire me!

Release date: July 8, 2011

It's a good thing the world ends this weekend, because ... YIKES.

Our Idiot Brother
Release date: Aug. 26, 2011

Science fact: Paul Rudd's the best. He can do no wrong! He's even likeable when he marries his sister. But wouldn't we all rather watch a movie about Paul Rudnitzky: Bat Mitzvah DJ than ... whatever this is? I think we would. Although I did chuckle when he kicked the door shut onto the little boy's hand. Does that make me a bad person?

The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
Release date: Dec. 23, 2011

Full disclosure: I hate puppets. Well, quick clarification -- I hate "lifelike" puppets (you're OK, Sesame Street [but just BARELY]). And this isn't just some sort of ironic quirk or hipster exaggeration ... they genuinely terrify me. Remember those Spitting Image caricatures from the 1980s? Genesis featured them prominently in their "Land of Confusion" video. HORRIFYING (and British). Or what about The Dark Crystal? I feel like I'm the only one in my generation who didn't totally chub up whenever that movie played on channel 50 (WPWR). They are creepy and weird and NOT RIGHT. Same thing with the creatures in Labyrinth. And what about Fraggle Rock? Yeah, I said it (and there are a LOT of vehement [read: nutty] Fraggle Rock defenders out there). Not my cup of tea! It's like they're crawling on my back right now as I'm typing this. NOT COOL FRAGGLE ROCK. Likewise, I'm probably the only American who liked Muppet Babies (not real) more than the actual Muppet Show puppets (vaguely real, and it CERTAINLY didn't help that it was British [again]). Yes, some of those puppets are TOO real. Or at least too ... creepy. And that's not normal. Puppets should be small and innocent and ... wait, fuck it. NO PUPPETS. Ever. Is there really a need for them? I say no. Who's with me?!

So, The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn ... what's the deal with that? Weirdly enough, I'm not totally creeped out by how lifelike it is. I mean, I am a little, but it doesn't give me agita like a movie with puppets would. I'm assuming this is because it also looks hollow and devoid of humanity. Isn't this just a gussied up version of The Polar Express? I guess we should all be blown away by the advanced CGI, right? I know the producers are (looking at you, Senor Spielbergo). For example, the last shot in the trailer shows the boy's face, and, obviously, it's easily identified as being not real. My take: are the filmmakers so proud of their cinematic achievement (making something animated look authentic) that they're convinced that we don't know it's a fancy cartoon from the first dark shot? Like, "Look at how AWESOME we are at our JOBS! You didn't even REALIZE it was FAKE until we SHOWED YOU HIS LINGUINI (Ratatouille) FACE!"? Or am I reading too much into this?

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