Friday, June 17, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Week of June 13)

Remember when every movie you watched was good? That's because you were a kid, and didn't know the difference between quality and crap. It's also probably why I still think there wasn't a bad episode of Duck Tales (and I haven't watched one since sprouting pubes, hence the reason this statement remains SCIENCE FACT). Then you grow up, and, if you're like me, you start to hate everything. Wait ... hate's a strong word, but you're definitely on the other side of the spectrum. Instead of being entertained by almost anything, you challenge every movie to entertain you, because you've seen it all. The turning point for me was a dumb movie called The Efficiency Expert. My family watched it together, and, for the first time, I was like, "Whatthefuckisthis?" In retrospect, it probably wasn't even that "bad" (although, yes, it was), but just boring and unnecessary. Still, that's when my innocence was lost. Well, that, and the time my friends and I saw that dead body in the woods. ANYWHO, I'm sure these movies (trailers below) will amuse starry-eyed children around the world, and infuriate the rest of us.

Fright Night
Release date: Aug. 19, 2011

Well, it's official -- we're out of ideas. The good news is this 3-D remake stars Chekov and McLovin. Wait ... did I say "good news"? Oops -- I meant "barf barf."

Take Shelter
Release date: Oct. 7, 2011

Happy birthday to me? This movie premiered earlier this year at the Sundance Film Festival, and it looks pretty great. Also, my wife ("Sorry girls -- he's married") and I started watching Boardwalk Empire this week [FINALLY], and Michael Shannon is just the best. I particularly like the scenes between him and Michael Pitt -- it's like a creepy-face face-off. And I mean that in a good way!

Speaking of Boardwalk Empire ...

I've only seen one episode, and it's a decent show. If anything, I took issue with ... the editing? I know -- nerd alert! But for real, the editing was ... bad? Way too quick, disjointed, jarring. I would think that Martin Scorsese would use his own editor, but apparently he went with this dude named Sidney Wolinsky. Sidney fucking Wolinsky. Guy edited Howard the Duck. He's not very good at his job, is my point.

ALSO, because I've been so spoiled by Game of Thrones (if you're not watching Game of Thrones, stop reading this right now, and get to work!), Boardwalk Empire just seems so ... predictable? Pedestrian? I dunno. I mean, it's good and all, but it really could use a six year old that still breast feeds. Just call me the TV Show Fixer Doctor!

The Life Zone
Release date: TBA

I really don't want to come across as if I'm shirking my responsibilities as a purveyor of fine (not fine) movie trailer summaries with hilarious (not hilarious) response commentaries. HOWEVER, Movieline does SUCH a good job of explaining why this "movie" is such a nightmare/garbage pile/propagandistic lie, that I won't be able to do a comparable rundown. Please read their write-up (with tons more research than I could ever muster) here. The one thing I'll add is this: did they drug Robert Loggia? Man used to be pretty self-aware and cool. If not that, I have to assume he's going senile, in which case, this smacks of abuse against the elderly! In ANY case, I'm outraged! Or at least a little annoyed! Finally, if you really, like REALLYreally, want to see this trailer without visiting the Movieline Web site, click here. You've been warned.

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