Friday, December 9, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (December 9)

The Iron Lady; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows; The Adventures of Tintin; Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol; The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo; We Bought a Zoo; Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close; and War Horse will all be released in the next few weeks (in addition to a handful of other movies whose trailers I have not featured on this site). I think I want to see ... two of them? Oh, I'll probably see more (if only so I don't feel left out when award nominations are announced), but, really, who's dying to see a movie about a kid losing his dad on 9/11? Or a biopic on Margaret Thatcher? Or idiots who "buy" a "zoo"? Just kidding -- I will see this for EXACTLY the same reason you will. Who doesn't slow down to look at a car crash? "You don't even need any special knowledge to run a zoo. What you need is ... a lot of HEART!" HAHAHAHA. Oh, Cameron Crowe. You silly bastard. Anyway, it's December, so that means the trailerz we're watching are really hit or miss. My apologies?

The Three Stooges
Release date: April 13, 2012

Do you get the feeling that no one in the Farrelly Brothers' inner cabal of confidants/sycophants had the balls to tell them that a movie about "three" modern-day "stooges" is a HARRIBLE idea? Yes, based on the above preview, The Three Stooges looks like the worst. But didn't we all see this coming? The online outrage this trailer has received in the last two days needs an F'ing TIME MACHINE so that it can respond [appropriately] to the pitch meeting where this mess was formally green-lighted. What good is indignation now? "I think I'm gonna hate this thing that's been in production for two years!" And what if Sean Penn and Benicio Del Toro were still attached to the project? Would it be better then? Some think so, but not if the source material were the same. I would be interested in an Ed Wood-style narrative biography, but those are usually commercial failures. So, yeah -- we're all out of luck. But why does it look so terrible? And why are the original shorts from the '30s and '40s so beloved? Is it simply because they're old? Or because they're in black-and-white? Do we respect this kind of farce and slapstick more when we view it through the lens of both visual and chronological distance? Or is it something else? Something less tangible? Obviously, these are some SERIOUS questions for such a RIDICULOUS column, and I am not nearly smrt enough to answer them. You see, "I'm trying to think but nothing happens!"

The Five-Year Engagement
Release date: April 27, 2012

I love this movie already, DESPITE its utterly conventional, predictable trailer. Like, if they tried to show some of the edgier humor (I'm assuming it's there, because Jason Segel/Nicholas Stoller), would Middle America shun it? That's depressing. As I've mentioned before, I'm a sucker for romantic comedies. Well, GOOD romantic comedies (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Say Anything ... Return to Me). Heck, I even like DECENT romantic comedies. My wife and I just watched Going the Distance this weekend, and, while definitely flawed, it's also charming and interesting and, at the very least, tries to do something with its characters. But the romcom is a fickle "B" word, as The Bounty Hunter, Just Go with It, Along Came Polly, Love Happens, The Break-Up and Picture Perfect prove. I've got my fingers crossed for this one, and by NOT casting Jennifer Aniston, they're already a step ahead of the game!

The Cabin in the Woods
Release date: April 13, 2012

Right away you know this movie is going to be scary, so why does the trailer play that STUPID game of pretending it's some sort of dreamy, idyllic film for the first 20 seconds. "We're just five attractive, young coeds going to a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere. What can possibly go wrong?" CUE OMINOUS MUSICAL STING OVER LIONSGATE LOGO. Ugh, trailer editors. I never got on the Joss Whedon bandwagon (totally missed the Buffy the Vampire Slayer bus), but I know he's talented, and I really like Cloverfield (that movie's writer, Drew Goddard, directed this). I also like that this seems to break away from the typical tropes of the traditional slasher film, and explores something altogether completely different/ominous. I also like that it's rated "R." I also like that the more I write about it, the more I'm liking it. I like! I like!

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