Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (January 12)

In celebration of one year (that's 52 freakin' entries!) of Watchin' Trailerz with ME (in which readership of the column skyrocketed from just Patrick to at LEAST four people [that's a 400 percent increase!]), here's the first five minutes of Steven Soderbergh's upcoming film, Haywire (and here's my Haywire trailer write-up from this past summer). Obviously, it looks awesome (never mind Gina Carano's subpar acting/auto-tuned voice -- she's still better than Channing Tatum). So awesome, in fact, that F This Movie! is going to start using the word "Haywire" as an adjective to describe anyone and everything that's cool. Examples? Michael Fassbender is Haywire! Ewan McGregor is Haywire! Gina Carano (a'no-DUR) is Haywire! Wait, I just realized that all of these examples feature actors from the movie Haywire. What does that prove? Easy -- that Haywire is, itself, Haywire! You get it? You get it. Help us make it catch on! Haywire!

Friends with Kids
Release date: March 9, 2012



Holy crap this preview shows pretty much the whole movie! At first I wanted to make a Bridesmaids 2 reference (because Kristen Wiig-Jon Hamm-Maya Rudolph), but it's such an easy joke. On the plus side, this film stars pretty much only great people (the most obvious not-so-great person rhymes with Schmegan Schmox), and the trailer does actually feature some funny lines. I don't know too much about writer/director/star Jennifer Westfeldt (aside from the fact that she created 2001's Kissing Jessica Stein), but her acting resume reads like a list of TV shows that people I don't associate with watch. Sorry if I'm not overly excited that "Jen Harmon" from Grey's Anatomy made another movie. Still, I'll cross my fingers and hope for the best! If nothing else, the movie should be a nice way to spend a crappy March afternoon, amIright?

Return
Release date: Feb. 12, 2012



My wife went to Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles for her undergrad ("Go Lions" -my wife). While a student there, she had a few run-ins with quasi-famous celebrities (Colin Hanks, Jodie Sweetin and Beverley Mitchell [big ups to the 7th Heaven fans out there], to name a few). Everyone was cordial and polite, but Linda Cardellini was my wife's favorite. She once saw Cardellini at the cafeteria in University Hall. She was tiny. Because she was alone, my wife approached and, instead of annoying her with questions about Velma or Scooby-Doo (it had just come out), she blurts out that she loves Freaks and Geeks. Ms. Cardellini thanked her for the compliment, and said that no one had ever recognized her from that show before. Which is a shame, because F Scooby-Doo. My point? Linda Cardellini is the star of Return, and my wife met Linda Cardellini. So, it's pretty much like I met her too. Jealous? However, if I HAD met her, I would've also asked about her experience working with Zack Morris on Dead Man on Campus. Some questions need to be answered!

Rock of Ages
Release date: June 1, 2012



I know nothing about the Broadway musical this movie is based on, so when I first saw Alec Baldwin in a crazy '80s mullet and heard the opening riff of "Sister Christian" (which conjures up wonderful memories of Boogie Nights), I got a little excited. Then there's a dumb joke about dudes looking like girls, Juliana Hough lip-syncing and the cast of Glee (I'm assuming) replacing Night Ranger on the vocals. Outrage! And the rest of the trailer is SO MUCH WORSE. Also -- and this MIGHT BE the nerdiest thing I've ever said on this website -- they're using Gotham as the font on those '70's-era neon lights! That font was invented by Tobias Frere-Jones in 2000 for GQ magazine (later popularized by Barack Obama's 2008 presidential campaign). What? WHAT?! So, you know -- not really chronologically accurate! It's like the producers of this movie have ZERO RESPECT for TYPOGRAPHY! And if they got that part wrong, just imagine how bad the rest of the movie's going to be!