Monday, April 9, 2012

F This Movie! - American Reunion

Patrick and Doug saved the best slice for last. And then they spit it out, because it tasted awful.

Download this episode here. (34.7 MB)

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Also discussed this episode: The Hunger Games


  1. Doug, please have your eyes checked by a good Opthamologist. Rebecca De Mornay and Rosanna Arquette look nothing alike (especially now!) and, back in the day, they were each kind-of hot in their own right. That's like saying these two women look exactly like Daryl Hannah because the three of them are a year apart in age and are all blonde. Stick with brunettes like (keeping it in the same demographic as the previously-mentioned actresses) Madeleine Stowe for your 'brunettes rule' way of life.

    When are you guys gonna do another commentary podcast? It's been four months since the last one for "Reindeer Games" (which I still can't listen to because I can't find a DVD version of the movie that isn't the lengthier director's cut). "American Reunion" already got a podcast, let's save the commentaries for the really important masterworks that deserved to be 'F'ed. Will it be 'Yogi Bear' or 'The Smurfs'? Maybe 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' so Patrick can immortalize in commentary form for little Charlie that he broke his father's heart at age 2 by this being the first movie Charlie watched and loved on TV? 'Frankenhooker'? 'The Exterminating Angel'? 'Lethal Weapon 2'? 'Wild Strawberries'? We just don't know Patrick, put us (OK, me) out of this misery.

    Nothing to say about either "Hunger Games" or "American Reunion." I'm like JB, if I know I won't like what I see why bother spending money on it and mortifying myself for wasting two hours that I could have used for something more important like sucking exhuast fumes from bus pipes, or alphabetizing my Pink Panther movie memorabilia. ;-p

  2. Funny - a couple weeks ago I was sending an email to a work-friend about your site/podcast and I made the subject line "F This Movie". She responded saying when she saw that re-line she assumed my email was going to be about American Reunion. Not quite, but good guess!

    So I followed your advice and listened to your original American Pie F'ing - quick aside - whatever happened to that Jason dude? He's funny! And I'm really curious what his job is that he's chucking on Ferris Bueller in his office every day? Anyway, it was a great podcast and it probably saved me the trouble of ever revisiting those movies (I only ever bothered with the first two) because I'm pretty sure my reaction would be similar but less affectionate than yours - i.e. huh, I USED to think these were pretty funny. I mean, in my mind I probably considered the first one a classic but after listening to you guys talk about it I'm pretty sure it wouldn't hold up for me.

    On to this one - I usually avoid listening to an F'ing if I haven't seen the movie yet but I gladly made an exception in this case, because I can't imagine I'll ever bother with this, not even ironically. So thanks for solidifying my resolve to save some dough on this one. Your podcast about it is infinitely more valuable than I've prejudged the actual movie to be.

    And you know why it's really about a stupid THIRTEEN-year reunion? Because 4 years ago when some creatively-bankrupt douchemeister pitched making an American Pie 10-year reunion movie, the studio wasn't QUITE desperate enough to revisit this franchise that never should have been. Now that we're a few years deeper into the Golden Shower Age of Cinema, where sequels and reboots rule, someone else brought it up (the original guy hung himself) and they thought it was a FANTASTIC idea - YES, let's whip out our dongs and vaginas and spray THIS in their faces - the People need more American Pie like Chris Klein needs more Bolivian marching powder!

    1. The 13-year time frame is the one thing I can't wrap my head around for this movie. Why now? A 15 (they couldn't wait two years?), 20 or 25 reunion movie would actually make sense. Shoot, even 17 or 18 year reunion (because of the 'R' rating and draft-age thing), but 13? 1999 IS NOT THAT LONG AGO. Plus, with the sequels and branded knock-offs, the "American Pie" franchise was a constant presence on home video throughout the 2000's. And yet the ads and publicity for "American Reunion" make it seem like this is from a 'mythical long time ago' era with characters that have aged considerably in the time since. Yes, they've aged but they all pretty much still look like young good-looking movie people (except for Shannon Elizabeth and Tara Reid but hey, I wouldn't kick them out of my bed if either one or both 'accidentally' wound up there). Even Eugene Levy, the franchise's signature whore actor, doesn't look THAT MUCH OLDER because we've seen him in every "Pie" sequel between the original and this one.

      Then again, Hollywood is rebooting "Spider-Man" WITH A FUCKING ORIGIN STORY ten years after a perfectly serviceable ORIGIN STORY first installment kick-started the Y2K decade's superhero movie box office bonanza. What the hell do I know? :-(

      Sol, I love to listen to Patrick & Co.'s podcasts for movies I don't have any intention of ever watching ("Young Guns") or revisiting ("Green Lantern"). It's the podcasts for movies I want to watch but haven't gotten around seeing yet ("Minority Report," the two "Harry Potter" movies, the "Reindeer Games" commentary podcast, etc.) that are killing me.

  3. One day I will be wandering the aisles of Best Buy or Target looking at movies and I will see American Reunion on Blu-Ray sitting on the shelf for some ridiculously cheap price, and I will pick it up and hold it in my hand. I will say to myself "this is the only one I haven't seen, and I enjoyed most of the first one and some of the second one, so I should definitely check this out since I didn't bother to catch it back when it ran in theaters." Then I will remember this episode and the things that you said, and I will shake my head and put the movie back on the shelf. On that day I will say again what I say to you now: thank you for helping me to dodge that bullet. Life is truly too short.

  4. Fake screenplay idea: American Funeral
    Stiffler's mom dies and everyone has to come home for the wake. Finch has a breakdown when he realizes he's boned a dead person and proceeds to go on a random sex bender. Biggs tries to get him to stop but gets caught in a sticky position when he arrives in the hotel room. Sherman pulls a Randle and knocks over the casket. Eugene Levy moves on to Tara Reid, who becomes the Stiffler's mom for a new generation. Hilarity ensues!