Friday, April 27, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (April 27)

TRAILER NEWZ! The new Brave trailer provides more backstory on Princess Merida and her complicated relationship with her Scottish family (her mom seems like a real witch with a "B," if you catch my drift). The new version of The Dark Knight Rises preview is rumored to premiere before The Avengers on May 4. And the trailer for The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody is INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTING. Ya heard it here first, F-Heads!

Magic Mike
Release date: June 29, 2012

YES. A fire-breathing, smooth-talking, custom furniture-building, piece-of-meat male stripper! Of course, stripping isn't new for Channing Tatum (thanks Us Weekly! You're the worst!), but he gets points (I guess) for owning his past. The kicker? This movie is directed by none other than Sir Steven Soderbergh! WTF! Right America? First Haywire, now Magic Mike. Wait a minute ... is Magic Mike the Haywire of 2012? Then what does that make Haywire? This whole post is haywire! And I can't remember if that's good or bad!

Release date: Aug. 31, 2012
Shia LaBeouf wins all the Oscars for best slicked-back hair! "I don't want FOP, damnit. I'm a Dapper Dan Man!" -THE BEEF. I see the ripple effect from Boardwalk Empire has finally made its way to the multiplex. And listen, while the original title for this movie, The Wettest County, is admittedly pretty bad (and pretty icky), it's still way better than Lawless. What a generic moniker for what looks like a decent (or, at least, "expensive-looking") film. For a brief period, the project was also known as The Promised Land, which also sucks. I have an idea: can Hollywood please HIRE ME TO NAME ALL OF THEIR SHITTY MOVIES? Let's start with this one. I'd call it, "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."

Ruby Sparks
Release date: July 25, 2012
Honesty time[tm]: I was so ready to write off this film after reading a brief plot synopsis. A struggling author invents his dream girl, only to have her appear in real life. I mean, it sounds so contrived and "indie cool." But then something weird happened. After about a minute into the preview, I became ... totally won over. Swept up in the fantasy of it all. The music, the colors, the absurdity. But also its optimism. I was expecting a heavy-handed, "serious" experience that would leave me sighing and struggling for some obtuse joke. I was left with a slight smile -- hopefulness that the movie will actually deliver on its delirious premise. What do you think?

God Bless America
Release date: On Demand April 6, 2012; In theaters May 11, 2012
From the director of Shakes the Clown (awesome) and the voice of Mr. Floppy on Unhappily Ever After (terrible), Bobcat Goldthwait! #dodougsjobforhim


  1. I'm with you Doug, the 'Ruby Sparks' trailer starts cheesy/cliche but, as it unfolds, I'm won over and want to see/know more. I'm a sucker for movies about lonely guys pinning for the girl of their dreams (mmphh, I wonder why...) but only if they don't chicken out with a 'happy' ending (unless the flick has truly earned it) and punch the viewer in the gut with a cold hard reality intruding into the fantasy ('The Human Condition,' 'Somewhere in Time, etc.). This one looks promising.

    This is the first I've seen of 'Magic Mike' (heard about it) and, while I'm not rushing out to see it opening weekend, it's nice to know Soderbergh wants to turn on and appeal to female moviegoers as much as he did the guys earlier this year with 'Haywire.' Hell, 'The Wettest County' could have turned on everybody, but I digress ('Lawless' is as generic a title as last week's box office bomb 'Lockout'). Since it's Soderbergh at the helm you know 'Magic Mike' won't be another 'Eagle'-sized failure for Tatum, but could it be this decade's "Showgirls" or "Striptease"? This one I want to read reviews for before I even think of seeing it.

    That porn 'Avengers' trailer parody is hilarious, especially when they bring in superheroes that aren't in the real 'Avengers' (Chyna as 'She-Hulk'). Thanks, I'll be remembering the trailer when I'm sitted at the Brooklyn Academy of Music's theater watching Bresson movies. :-D

    1. ^^^ SEATED, I meant to say 'seated at' not 'sitted.' God, I can't believe I just pulled a 'Dubya' in front of everybody! :'(

  2. Magic Mike doesn't surprise me from Soderbergh, after all he's always been interested in the relations between sex, power and identity. At least it looks more interesting than The Girlfriend Experiment which is easily my least favorite Soderbergh film along with Ocean's 12. I still haven't seen Full Frontal.

  3. Magic Mike: I love my fiancé but if she wants to see this one she can go with a damned drunken homeless guy for all I care.

    Ruby Sparks: now this one I'll beat off the homeless guys to go with her... No, not that type of beat off. You weirdo.

    God Bless America: I'm not sick of people making that statement about society yet, but I did already see "Super", which was awesome.

    1. Heheh - up here in Canada we have "Canadian Heritage Moment" commercials - one of them ends something like, "The English pressed their attack, but Frontenac beat them off." Snicker every time.