new Brave trailer provides more backstory on Princess Merida and her complicated relationship with her Scottish family (her mom seems like a real witch with a "B," if you catch my drift). The new version of The Dark Knight Rises preview is rumored to premiere before The Avengers on May 4. And the trailer for The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody is INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTING. Ya heard it here first, F-Heads!
Release date: June 29, 2012
YES. A fire-breathing, smooth-talking, custom furniture-building, piece-of-meat male stripper! Of course, stripping isn't new for Channing Tatum (thanks Us Weekly! You're the worst!), but he gets points (I guess) for owning his past. The kicker? This movie is directed by none other than Sir Steven Soderbergh! WTF! Right America? First Haywire, now Magic Mike. Wait a minute ... is Magic Mike the Haywire of 2012? Then what does that make Haywire? This whole post is haywire! And I can't remember if that's good or bad!
Release date: Aug. 31, 2012
Shia LaBeouf wins all the Oscars for best slicked-back hair! "I don't want FOP, damnit. I'm a Dapper Dan Man!" -THE BEEF. I see the ripple effect from Boardwalk Empire has finally made its way to the multiplex. And listen, while the original title for this movie, The Wettest County, is admittedly pretty bad (and pretty icky), it's still way better than Lawless. What a generic moniker for what looks like a decent (or, at least, "expensive-looking") film. For a brief period, the project was also known as The Promised Land, which also sucks. I have an idea: can Hollywood please HIRE ME TO NAME ALL OF THEIR SHITTY MOVIES? Let's start with this one. I'd call it, "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."
Release date: July 25, 2012
Honesty time[tm]: I was so ready to write off this film after reading a brief plot synopsis. A struggling author invents his dream girl, only to have her appear in real life. I mean, it sounds so contrived and "indie cool." But then something weird happened. After about a minute into the preview, I became ... totally won over. Swept up in the fantasy of it all. The music, the colors, the absurdity. But also its optimism. I was expecting a heavy-handed, "serious" experience that would leave me sighing and struggling for some obtuse joke. I was left with a slight smile -- hopefulness that the movie will actually deliver on its delirious premise. What do you think?
God Bless America
Release date: On Demand April 6, 2012; In theaters May 11, 2012
From the director of Shakes the Clown (awesome) and the voice of Mr. Floppy on Unhappily Ever After (terrible), Bobcat Goldthwait! #dodougsjobforhim