Friday, June 29, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (June 29)

Only two days left of (30) Stars of Summer. If you haven't played along, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. For this column, however, it's back to the old ways of WTwD -- new trailerz coupled with adolescent observations. If I'm a bit rusty, I apologize. It's just that, well, #30starsofsummer feels like it's lasted for 300 days, not just one month. And trying to keep up (which, admittedly, I've had a hard time doing) is WORK! Kudos to Steve K, JP, FritzFassbender, Mac McEntire, et al. You guys are the REAL heroes. Next year? (A Few) Stars of Summer, amIright? Anyway, here are a BUNCH of new previews, some of which were released a few weeks ago. Gotta make up for skipping a month, right?

Django Unchained
Release date: Dec. 25, 2012

F yeah! Crazy excited about this movie. HOWEVER, this trailer doesn't TOTALLY do it for me. Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of things to love. Tarantino's the best, and his imprint can still be gleaned from this short advertisement. I just wish whoever cut the trailer wasn't also an intern for Brett Ratner. Further, judging by this less-than-inspiring preview of Inglourious Basterds, I've got nothing to worry about. Just remember: DJANGO IS OFF THE CHAIN!

Release date: Sept. 21, 2012

Why so serious? I'm sorry -- I meant to say, why so boring? Am I alone in thinking this looks kind of awful? Everything's so dystopic and dark and grumble-grumble. No thanks, Karl Urban. If anything, this makes me want to watch both Inception (music cues) and Demolition Man (because I can't bring myself to watch 1995's Judge Dredd starring Sylvester Stallone).

Monsters University
Release date: June 21, 2013

This trailer is significant because it's the first one I've featured on this site with a 2013 release date. Very optimistic, Pixar. #nomorepullups

Taken 2
Release date: Oct. 5, 2012

I still don't know who you are. I still don't know what you want. If you are still looking for ransom, I can tell you I still don't have money. But what I continue to have are a very particular set of skills; skills, as you know, I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that continue to make me a nightmare for people like you, as previously discussed. If you let my daughter go now, again, that'll be the end of it, again. Just like before, I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you again, I will find you again, and I will kill you again. But I repeat myself.

Les Misèrables
Release date: Dec. 14, 2012

2! 4! 6! 0! 1!

Lay the Favorite
Release date: TBA

This feels like the first movie that Steven Soderbergh's assistant director made ... in 1999. Joshua Jackson, you're not helping. Remember when your mom said you shouldn't make goofy expressions because your face might get stuck that way? Bruce Willis didn't get the memo. ZING!

Release date: Nov. 2, 2012

I like airplanes and I like alcohol. So ... I like Flight? Listen, Robert Zemeckis made Back to the Future. Guy gets a pass, is what I'm saying. Just so long as that plane doesn't crash into [strong New York accent] the Chrysler Building.

The Babymakers
Release date: TBA

I can't stand Lisa "Olivia" Munn. Her stint on The Daily Show (I'm really hoping it's over) was the worst. And this movie looks like such an amateur attempt at making a formulaic Hollywood comedy (What to Expect When You're Expecting meets Horrible Bosses meets my barf). Why would anybody actually want to do that? I hold out hope that there will be SOMETHING clever about this film, however, as it's directed by Jay Chandrasekhar (he of Beerfest/Super Troopers [Broken Lizard] fame), but that's reaching.

Pitch Perfect
Release date: Oct. 5, 2012

Aaaaand ... we're back. Bet you miss (30) Stars of Summer, now, don't you? Because SHEEESH. The screencap (above) looks promising, but my boner went away as soon as the cast went all a capella.


  1. Geez, I like Anna Kendrick but that looks a little painful. I'm much more interested in Rebel Wilson (the blonde Australian woman) in the Chris Colfer movie Struck By Lightning.

  2. Re Django Unchained - totally agree - I have little doubt that it will be amazing, but the trailer doesn't really do it for me either. But I don't exactly remember the Inglourious Basterds trailer flooding my basement either, and look how that turned out! SPOILER: Fucking awesome!

    Re Taken 2 - okay, fine whatever - but a lingering question I have from the original is, why the hell DOESN'T he have money? I mean, I thought international hitmen were rich, why else would they spend so much time and money on International Hitman College?

    Re The Babymakers - if I get to see her babyfeeders it's all good with me. Jeez, can't stand Olivia Munn - I am shocked, appalled and getting slightly aroused just typing her name at you, Doug!

    1. Well I don't know about you, Sol, but I went to International Hitman College to GROW as a PERSON, not just to "get a job" or "learn to kill" or "get rich killing" or whatever lame reason YOU went to International Hitman College for.

  3. I just saw Olivia Munn in "Magic Mike" (don't ask, I had free time before going to work and it's hot as hell in NYC; I'd say 85% of the packed 11:45AM show were women, 15% gay men and the remaining 5% heterosexual Steven Soderbergh fans with no shame! :-P) and you're right Doug, she's the worst. Her acting stinks and, worse of all, her character is an important one because Channing Tatum's actions/decisons in the story revolve around Munn's shallow Joanna character. And it looks from "The Babymakers" trailer that we're getting more of the same. The same way Patrick keeps asking why Paul Walker and Sam Worthington are pushed as stars by Hollywood I have to ask: what the fuck does Hollywood (movies and TV) see in Olivia Munn?

    "Magic Mike" is OK to see BTW if you're willing to indulge in Soderbergh's 'present-day story shot/constructed with a 70's aesthetic' and have a strong tolerance for open-ended endings and guys stripping. The latter was fine by me since I've seen women doing it in movies since forever; time to give the fairer sex a shot at some beefcake fun (although on hindsight it was bad timing for me to be pick a pink shirt for work this morning before I knew I'd have extra free time to catch a matinee flick :-P). I personally felt the movie was missing its third and final act, but it was clearly an artistic decision and the ending, ironically but very deliberately given the subject matter, climaxes at just the right moment (IMHO) even though way too many threads are left loose for my taste. Matthew McConaughey steals the movie (it's as if David from "Dazed and Confused" grew up, kept in shape and opened a strip club for women) but Cady Horn, on whose shoulders a considerable amount of the movie's dramatic heft rests, can't do better than a Julia Stiles-is-pouting impression (although, to be fair, she gets better and nails the dismount).

    "Magic Mike" is basically "Boogie Nights"-lite filtered through Soderbergh's cinematic eye, and that's good-enough to see even if you wonder as you see the beefcake on parade why you (a raging heterosexual male so secure in your own masculinity you went to a theater showing "Magic Mike" alone wearing a pink shirt) are doing there in the first place.

    1. And yes, I can't add-up for shit. I meant to say 80% women, 15% gay men and 5% me (macho man so masculine I even proudly told everyone in the office I was off to see "Magic Mike" in my gayest pretend-voice ever). ;-)

  4. That Taken 2 writeup is the funniest thing I've read in a long, long time. No way the actual movie could top that.

    1. "Taken 2" does sound silly when you just hear the title, but in all honesty, if one man killed almost your entire mafia one ripped out throat at a time, you probably would hold a grudge and go looking for him. Or just consider yourself lucky to be alive and move on, I don't know.

  5. Django Unchained is gonna be great. Tarantino is always great. The reason I like the trailer so much is because they used the greatest Johnny Cash song, "Aint no grave." But Tarantino has never let me down