Wednesday, November 21, 2012

F This Movie! - Twilight

Patrick and Erika are totally the Edward and Bella of F This Movie!.



Download this episode here. (31.7 MB)

Email F This Movie! at fthismoviepodcast(at)gmail.com

Subscribe to F This Movie! in iTunes

Like F This Movie! on Facebook and follow F This Movie! on Twitter

Also discussed this episode: Nobody Walks, Take This Waltz

19 comments:

  1. Did you like Cloud Atlas?

    Take This Waltz:
    a)I think I misread this movie but maybe that's why I enjoyed it. It almost works better if you look at it from the POV of the Seth Rogen character - The 'other' guy is this non-descript dbag, your wife kind of acts like an idiot (even before she starts to stray, Michelle Williams plays her as like an indie quirk woman-child)and SPOILER they end up together and she's miserable and you're doing great after she leaves.

    b)They should use the title of this movie and make another movie ala Man of the House. It stars Christoph Waltz (playing himself) as a third wheel and the couple is all like 'take THIS waltz' and he's just shrugging on the poster.

    Twilight:
    a)I'll always remember this movie for screwing with a song I like- Clair De Lune. Ugh. Is there a name for that when a movie horribly mis-uses a song you like? Why is Edward trying to romance Bella to that song? There's a pleathora of early 90s make-out music to choose from. You ain't gonna rum-a-zoom-zoom in anyone's boom boom to Debussy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, yeah. There's very few worse baseball scenes in movie history (The Babe Ruth Story and The Natural come to mind) than the on in Twilight. It's amazing in it's badness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Twilight is to Baseball as The Room is to Football?

      Delete
  3. Hi Erika


    #notcreepyjustresponding

    ReplyDelete
  4. Usually after I listen to a podcast about a movie I haven't seen I am compelled to go and see it even when it isnt being praised.


    This is not one of those times.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I saw Breaking Dawn Part Two yesterday. It was incredibly fascinating. Almost nothing happens and nobody cares. It's strange how blasé everybody is about being an immortal being. About twenty new characters are introduced who do nothing and add nothing to the story, and they're all bored and boring (and vaguely racist).
    There's a lot of incredibly creepy stuff happening that, I think, is supposed to be sweet and romantic, especially concerning the main characters' horribly named child. Who, by the way, is so deep in the uncanny valley that she scared me more than most horror movies. She had me recoiling and gasping every time the camera showed her shiny CG face.
    Whenever things threaten to get interesting the movie quickly cuts to the main characters looking annoyed and talking about nonsense.
    I'm surprised to hear Devin Faraci is so positive about the fight scene. Yes, it has some great unintentional hilarity and Michael Sheen adds some much needed life (http://violadavis.tumblr.com/post/36087087678) but mostly it's an incomprehensible mess with a camera that's always two feet too close to the action and somtimes actually out of focus.

    Every couple of minutes you'll be asking yourself "How does this movie exist?", which is everything I wanted from this. So... good job movie, I guess.

    The strangest thing to me, is that this thing cost more than Cloud Atlas. How does that happen?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the only review of that movie I ever need to read. Thank you.

      Delete
    2. Thank you so much!
      I'm always available for guest reviews of awful things you guys don't want to see. (I may or may not have seen Piranha 3DD in theatres twice.)

      Delete
  6. Hey, lots of Canada Love in the first little bit there (though I wish I'd never said the words "Tall Hot" - I try to be modest about my hotness) - Toronto is hot as balls in the summer - frequently in the high 30s and 40s with humidity (heheh - I love the idea of Americans seeing those temps and thinking "It's so cold there Canadians think 40 is HOT?" CENTIGRADE people! 40C = 104F). Anyway Toronto is to the rest of Canada as the U.S. is to all of Canada - yeah, they're cooler, but they know it and they're annoying about it. Nova Scotia is where it's at - beautiful province, beautiful friendly people - I've lived in some other places but I'll never leave here again. Even Tom Selleck can't get enough of this place and makes all of his Jesse Stone movies here - 'NUFF SAID, right?! Erika come visit anytime - Patrick can come too I guess.

    I definitely enjoyed the podcast but really have nothing to add to the discussion - you're right, it's crap with no redeeming quality and if anything, could actually be harmful (I'm in the middle of Hulk's smashing of the series and am agreeing with that as well). I've basically seen all of the movies at some point and have no real recollection of them other than how awful they are. Blech. Can we just talk about Canada some more?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple syrup! Mounties! Health care! Avril Lavigne!

      Delete
    2. Whoa, you just correctly answered all of the questions on the Canadian Citizenship Test!

      Delete
    3. Yes! Toronto, here I come!

      Delete
    4. Toronto (Tch-RON-no) is one of my favorite cities, but definitely hot in the summer. I also like Vancouver.

      Hockey! Balsa wood! Compost! Tim Horton's!

      Delete
  7. Ah Twilight I will admit that I have seen all these movies alas is was with the Rifftrax commentary (the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000) so it was a gas. I didnt have that much to really comment on I just wanted to say F*** this movie

    P.S. still dying to listen to podcast for The Sandlot :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I listened to this podcast twice and it's strange that, even though I have no desire to see this movie, I so wish Patrick and Erika do a follow-up podcast (like the promised Patrick-Mark Ahn sequel podcast to the original "Robocop" in which they'll talk about, you guessed it, "The Purple Rose of Cairo") in which they cover the remaining "Twilight" movies. They're a strange cinematic phenomenon that, like the "Harry Potter" movies (which I haven't seen yet), I hope to see all one after another in a few years with the hindsight of time and distance letting me see them for what they were.

    The fact Melissa Rosenberg, a former "Dexter" writer/producer that wrote some of that TV show's most memorable episodes during its first four seasons has been the person in charge of translating the books into screenplay form, is the sole reason I want to see these "Twilight" flicks. Another fact: more of that cute Patrick-Erika chemistry is why a podcast that talks about the remaining "Twilight" saga is as good an idea as a Patrick-Mike podcast pushing the idea that the "Saw" saga is actually good and worth watching. Billie Jean said it best: FAIR IS FAIR! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sorry I'm a late comer, blame it on all the tryptophan. I read all of the Twilight books and saw the first three movies, and can say without a doubt that compared to what follows in the rest of the "franchise," Twilight comes off like a masterpiece. What followed was just so...so much horny mormon poppycock and tomfoolery. In fact, can we coin that term for the F This Movie glossary? Horny Mormon Poppycock and Tomfoolery? You can only use it when talking about Stephanie Meyer and Mitt Romney (sans the horny?).

    With Harry Potter I get it. It's good vs evil with a whole lot of classical mythology. Twilight is something else. I mean, to be fair, I watch action movies that make Twilight look like Pride and Prejudice (but sparklier) but 90% of the youth of the western world don't adore, quote, and pretend to be Jean Claude Van Damme (unfortunately). I read those books when this whole thing was just getting started and I enjoyed being able to participate in the pop culture discussions. Twilight KIND OF works if you look at it as a teenage fantasy. I'm in no position to judge, I did my time in an unhealthy relationship and can see the appeal of the melodrama and the angst surrounding it. But when you grow up, you realize (hopefully) that this is not what it is to be in a relationship. Erika's right, relationships are not that hard, not when you're in the right one. As I was listening to this episode, I kept thinking "these guys are totally acting like parents." It changes things! It changes how you think about stuff you used to not care about. I mean, on one hand, it's not a big deal if teenagers love this stuff, but on the other hand, it kind of is if you think about a generation of twenty somethings thinking dramatic arguments in the rain and sulking (in a sexy, smoldering way) are acceptable behaviors. Let's not get into breaking beds on wedding nights. Good lord.

    Erika pretty much said in this episode that she thinks the appeal to adults (usually moms) is that they want to be rescued from an unhappy relationship, and that's exactly what I think. ALL of the people I know who are into Twilight and are also over 25 are in unhappy marriages. ALL OF THEM. It's an escape, a fantasy. A PG rated 50 Shades of Grey. I'm not saying that there's an inherent problem with enjoying Twilight, because I do think the first movie is pretty entertaining. It's certainly the best and the least harmful. But the themes in the movies come straight from the book. If anything, the movies are a bit more watered down and palatable because we're not in the characters heads. All the criticisms about the books are true. It just gets crazy, ridiculous, and a little scary at what this one woman chose to write. Not just that they got sloppier and more nonsensical, but also turned into the fever dream of a religiously repressed woman with a very sad hidden fantasy life. If Bella and Edward had had sex before marriage, they would have gone to hell, you guys!

    I've written way too much about this. I didn't even really think I cared that much, but it looks like I do. I mean...in the end, it's not that big of a deal. It's just a movie and a book series, and now it's over. I think it will probably die out soon. Until this new last movie came out, I thought it was over already. I thought people had moved on, but I guess not.

    Guys, seriously, I know neither one of you were jazzed about this episode, but it was really good. We need more Erika. I mean...she's there! She lives at the same address as the recording studio! And I just really appreciate and relate to the mature, healthy dynamic you guys have. The world (the podcasting one and the real one) needs more Bromleys and less Bella and Edwards.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hear hear about more Erika (and JB's boo while we're at it) on the podcast. Chicks, and particularly chicks who love movies married to dudes that love movies, rock harder than Black Sabbath with Ozzy in his prime. More estrogen into the 'F This Movie' DNA, stat. :-)

      Delete
  10. I have read the book, and you two are still right about everything. Nothing is explained, ever.

    ReplyDelete