Nightmare on Elm Street franchise), I'm just going to feature some the bigger movies this week. Then some medium-sized movies next week. Then all the other shit the week after next. THERE'S A METHOD TO MY MADNESS. Before you know it, we'll be all caught up!
Iron Man 3
Release date: May 3, 2013
I'm probably the only guy (or gal) on this site -- including all you loyal F-Heads -- who actually liked Iron Man 2. I even included it as my number 10 favorite movie of 2010! That was probably a mistake! But now it's too late to change it! And that podcast has already been heard by dozens, if not hundreds, of MovieJunkies! All of whom have lost a ton of respect for me! NEVERTHELESS, this looks good too! SUE ME.
A Good Day to Die Hard
Release date: Feb. 14, 2013
Die Hard is one of the best movies ever made. "Ah-no-ah-doy-doy," -everyone who reads this site. We love it so much, we even hosted a screening of it this past summer. Needless to say, it was a huge success, but that's BESIDE THE POINT. Every sequel since the original movie has been substantially less great than its predecessor (although, I would argue that Die Hard 2 is still pretty freakin' great). Obviously, Hollywood is lazy (more on that in a bit), and they know a cash cow when they see one. This movie will make a bunch of money because it has a built-in audience, and the character is still beloved (despite the fact that he's a hollow shell of what he once was). I can only hope that A Good Day to Die Hard takes a lesson out of the Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol playbook -- make the movie REALLY great and kick-ass and not dumb but clever/smart and sexy-but-not-slutty and violent-but-not-gratuitous. Then it will be awesome. Because this trailer makes me think it WILL NOT BE AWESOME. I mean, John McClane's son? Really?
The Lone Ranger
Release date: July 3, 2013
I'm not categorically opposed to this film, and I'm honestly surprised that the Lone Ranger property wasn't turned into a major blockbuster sooner. Yes, I'm aware that there was a 2003 TV movie on the WB starring Chad Michael Murray (swoon), but no one counts that. Also, I think it's high time for a resurgence of *fun* action/adventures and westerns. That being said, this preview doesn't really do much for me (aside from the overhead shot of the sideways train engine slamming into another train car -- pretty neat), and some of Gore "Rango" Verbinski's choices (bird on the head is the most obvious WHUUUU?, but consider also Helena Bonham Carter's silly, Tim Burton-inspired costumes/makeup) are questionable. Now that Disney owns the rights to Lucasfilm, expect way more podracing. #SpaceWestern
Release date: Nov. 23, 2012
OK, listen ... I know there are probably a ton of Hitchcock purists and Psycho enthusiasts out there who think this whole movie is a mistake -- a needless exercise in trendy biopic mimicry at the expense of a film legend's legacy. But I think this looks great! I can't wait to see it! Honestly, I don't know that much about the man and his personal life (I tain't no film edukator like JB), and I'm always intrigued by stories about how something gets made. It's why I love Tucker: The Man and His Dream so much!
Release date: April 12, 2013
Warning: this is a red band trailer, so headphones UP! On second thought, skip this one altogether. Because GROSS. I mean, I get it -- take something that's NOT BROKEN and make it super-saturated with greens and yellows. And add a techno soundtrack. And cast a bunch of young no-names hoping that this vehicle will be their big break. And throw in some torture-porn elements. And remove all humor. And take a whizz on Bruce Campbell's ashes (get it?). I GET IT.
Release date: March 15, 2013
What is this? #ScaryMovieMonth? [Patrick, I'm too lazy to copy and paste the previous trailer review here, so can you do it for me? Kthanksbye!]
The Lords of Salem
Release date: TBA
Ugh! I don't care that you're written and directed by Rob Zombie. #SCARYMOVIEMONTH IS OVER! See you next year, The Lords of Salem!
Save the Date
Release date: online Nov. 8, 2012; in theaters Dec. 14, 2012
So, this isn't really a much-publicized trailer for a BIG upcoming movie. Still, I wanted to feature it a.) as a palate cleanser (get that horror out of your mouth!), and b.) because I lovelovelove both Alison Brie and Lizzy Caplan (and Martin Starr and Geoffrey Arend and pretty much the rest of the cast). And this looks delightful! And JEEZ we could all use some levity after a VERY SERIOUS October, no? Plus, this is released online(?), according to IMDb, next week, over a month before its limited release in theaters. YOU'RE WELCOME. The only thing it's missing is a British accent on Alison Brie. I'm kidding! Because that was weird in The Five-Year Engagement!