Friday, February 22, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Feb. 22)

Dudes AND dudettes -- the [barf]Academy Awards[/barf] are this Sunday, and I just KNOW you're dying to read what WE (specifically, Patrick, JB, Erika, Jan B. and yours truly, in addition to some special guests [i.e., "My wife!" -Borat]) have to say about them. Follow @FThisMovie on Twitter for all the up-to-the-minute wardrobe malfunction BONER ALERTS.

Release date: March 15, 2013

Probably the only movie you need to see this year. CHUUUCH.

Release date: TBA

Blade! He's back! This time he's killing zombies! In the Wild West! With a white Van Dyke! Wesley Snipes' name in this movie is Aman, which, loosely translated from Arabic, means security, peace, protection and shelter. I'm thinking Snipes hopes it also means "tax shelter." Zoinks!

Freaky Deaky
Release date: April 22, 2013

The words, "Based on the novel by Elmore Leonard," give me hope, despite the fact that this seems like a relic from 15 (or more) years ago. For every Out of Sight there's a Killshot. For every Get Shorty there's a Cat Chaser. For every Jackie Brown (Rum Punch) there's a Gold Coast. I could go on.

The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Release date: April 26, 2013

Don't let the truly terrible title turn you off (yes, I'm aware it's based on a book of the same name), because this film looks pretty interesting! Heavy, sure. Dramatic, why not? But we NEED more movies that like this. Right? Don't we? Indian director Mira Nair tries to reclaim her respectable filmic roots (she's the creative force behind Monsoon Wedding, Mississippi Masala and Salaam Bombay!) after 2009's Amelia, which I still haven't seen, but figured it would be easy enough to make fun of in this column, so I went for it. Ya burnt?

Two Mothers
Release date: TBA

This is called Perfect Mothers in France, and you just know the marketing team of the American distributor (reminder: look up what company is distributing this movie in America in an effort to sound more smart [Patrick, please remove this parenthetical if I forget {also remove that last one about removing the previous note, thanks!}]) was all, "PERFECT Mothers? Too high-brow. What about ... TWO Mothers. Good, right? Wanna do some cocaine?" Anyway, could this movie BE any more foreign (Watchin' Trailerz with Chandler)? Moms be boning their female friend's "god-like" sons. Although, if my mom's friend looked like Naomi Watts, I'd be all, "PUT ANOTHER SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE!" However, in this scenario, "shrimp" means my penis (WHAT?), and "barbie" means long nipples, because have you seen 21 Grams?

6 Souls
Release date: April 5, 2013

This movie was released in 2010 in the UK as Shelter. In April, it's being released in America as 6 Souls. EVERYTHING MAKES PERFECT SENSE NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

5 Broken Cameras
Release date: TBA

This site is usually a politics-free "safe zone," and we like to keep it that way (no point in alienating half the population, no matter how CRAZY and ILLOGICAL and INFURIATING their opinions might be). I'm not featuring this trailer to make any sort of geopolitical commentary -- I just thought it looked stunning, and, like any good 60 Minutes piece, it raises some serious questions that deserve further dialogue. So, here you go: 5 Broken Cameras. It's an Academy Award-nominated documentary about a small Palestinian village in the West Bank that shares a border with an Israeli settlement, and the effort on behalf of the settlers to install a separation barrier (i.e., a big fucking wall) between the two lands. The filmmaker, Emad Burnat, filmed protests, daily life and his interactions with both the Palestinians and the Israelis. The title of the movie comes from the number of cameras he's had broken (destroyed?) by Israeli security forces. Fascinating stuff. If you'd like to read more, check this out.

1 comment:

  1. Capital use of parentheticals, my good man. Rarely do I go "3-deep", which coincidentally was the nickname my ex-girlfriend gave me back in college.

    And it is about time this site got political. I'm a pretty political person, you know. Movie commentary is a hobby; social commentary is my true passion. You can feel free to delete my post if this is to controversial, but I've been dying to talk about it. Campbell's Chunky Soup: Fork or Spoon?