Friday, March 1, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (March 1)

Boy, the [barf]Academy Awards[/barf] sure did suck, right? Long, boring, unsurprising, lackluster ... one of the only highlights (IMHO) was Quentin Tarantino's Best Original Screenplay win for Django Unchained. But even that was kinda lame (leather tie included). I dunno. Old man Oscar Gold is on his last legs (which means we probably won't be "live-tweeting" the broadcast next year [sorry F-Heads]). On the other hand, did anyone see the Independent Spirit Awards? If so, what did you think of Andy Samberg's opening monologue?

A Talking Cat!?!
Release date: Feb. 18, 2013 (DVD Premiere)

Watch this. Right now. Seriously. Don't read the other write-ups, and don't think to yourself, "Oh, I'll watch it later when I get home from work/school/jury duty" (because you'll probably forget). Do. It. NOW. And then thank me in the comments.

Release date: Aug. 9, 2013

Aug. 9, 2013: the date that Pixar will no longer be relevant. Or did that already happen in 2011 when Cars 2 was released?

Release date: May 10, 2013

There's only one half-second long clip in this ENTIRE preview that's worthwhile (not counting DAG's impeccably timed line deliveries), and it takes place at 1:57. Go ahead, watch it -- I'll wait ... RIGHT?! Otherwise, BARF on you, Peeples. #IAmNotARacist SERIOUS QUESTION: can you "use" the image of Kerry Washington's bare chest in Django Unchained, or is the context too sad/depressing/miserable/despicable? Me? I think I'm fine with it. #IAmDEFINITELYNotARacist You? #YouMightBeARacist

The Conjuring
Release date: July 19, 2013

I'm probably alone on this, but HOLY CRAP. I was all set to make fun of this movie, what with its retro vibe, paranormal subject matter and its director, James Wan (he of Saw and Insidious fame, movies that [full disclosure] I haven't [yet?] seen) being, you know ... kinda douchy. But, it's got a great cast (Lili Taylor, Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga and Ron Livingston, to name a few), and the preview legit creeped me out. HOWEVER, I'm probably the only one here at F This Movie! who actually likes "ghost stories," so what can I say? The atmosphere, pacing, mood, etc., just worked for me.

Release date: TBA

Jamie Chung's character Nima from Premium Rush was the worst, right? What? No one saw Premium Rush? OK, then ... never mind. Remember her character Amber from Sucker Punch? Well, Eden is basically Sucker Punch, minus all the fantastical stuff that made Sucker Punch, you know ... INTERESTING. Listen, I know this film won the "Audience Award" at last year's SXSW Film Festival (and that's great), but, really, without the words "Exit To" in front of the title, I'm just not that interested. NEXT.

Family Weekend
Release date: April 23, 2013

This has a Butter vibe to it, which means it's not my cup of tea. Really? Jump rope competitions? Wacky family members? Holding your parents hostage in order to teach them etiquette? To quote the great Oscar winner Adele, "NO FANKS."

Release date: TBA

Sorry to close out a pretty crappy week of trailers with [surprise!] a pretty crappy trailer. Aaron Eckhart stars as Liam Neeson's understudy in a spy thriller about a guy running away from other guys with guns trying to kill him and his daughter. Also, Olga Kurylenko. SEE YA NEXT WEEK!


  1. I think my feelings for "A Talking Cat!?!" trailer can be summed up in the finl lines of dialog in said trailer: "That's...weird." Also, uh,

  2. So many questions about A Talking Cat!?!, like "what's with the 'only talk once' restriction?" and "why hasn't it shown up on the DVD Verdict review docket yet"? My only criticism is that none of the actors seem as freaked out by the talking cat as the title does. I can't remember the last time I saw a title with a question or exclamation mark, let alone three.

    1. Totally wasted opportunity to use an interrobang.

  3. Oh yeah, THANKS A BUNCH. For killing my childhood dream of someday marrying Johnny Whitaker. Okay, actually time killed the dream -- but the trailer for ATC!?! killed the corner of my soul where the memory of that dream remained....

  4. A Talking Cat!?! currently streaming on Netflix Instant. Anyone up for an "I'll Watch Anything!" column??

  5. @Patrick - I'll bite the bullet if you watch Surf Ninjas

  6. Aww, clapping ghosts. I wonder if they're the slow, ironic clapping kind or the right-next-to-your-ear-every-couple-of-minutes clapping kind? I'm betting on the latter but I'm hoping for the former. By the way, this could make the audience applauses alot more frightening and the audience silences alot more comforting.

  7. I'd rather thank you for "The Conjuring".

    Just hope they didn't put everything good into the trailer and the rest of it is a snooze...

    Meanwhile, just found out that there's a "Paranormal Activity 5" coming out in October. Can someone locate all copies of that now and call in a drone strike?