Saturday, March 2, 2013

Weekend Weigh-in: What's the Most Embarrassing Movie in Your Collection?

Earlier this week, Adam Riske wrote a great article about all the reasons we own DVDs that we won't watch. A number of you chimed in with reasons of which you are guilty. Now it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

We all own movies we probably shouldn't. What's the one you REALLY shouldn't own? The one you hope no one notices when he or she is looking at your collection? For the sake of discussion, let's keep the answers to legitimate movies. Keep the a-dult films out of it.

37 comments:

  1. I should be, but am not embarrassed to own Crossroads haha, oh and Scary Movie 2 :p. Otherwise, I quite enjoy by DVD collection!

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    1. I see your Scary Movie 2, and raise you a boxset with all the scary movies.

      Strangely I don't own Crossroads. Fun fact: here in the Netherlands they often put a genre on the spine of dvd's, like THRILLER, COMEDY etc. The genre for Crossroads is "THE BRITNEY SPEARS MOVIE" which I find just great.
      Also: Isn't Crossroads the strangest movie? You expect to just get a sumb, fun roadtrip movie and you get INFIDELITY! MATERNAL REJECTION! MISCARRIAGES!
      Heh, I just googled it and to little surprise found out Shonda Rhimes wrote it.

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    2. I can't stand the Wayans' "Scary Movie" flicks (seen 1 & 2 once in theaters and that was enough), but I own "Scary Movie 3" (haven't seen it) and "Scary Movie 4" (seen it) and I'm OK with them staying. What's wrong with me? :-(

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    3. Heh, I was wondering what was so wrong with owning the Ralph Macchio blues movie.

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  2. Without a doubt, the answer is X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Now you might be saying, "But surely, Steve, you did not know how bad the movie would be before you bought it?" Sadly, I have no excuse. I saw it in the theatre. The thing is still in my home, shrink-wrap intact. I think I experienced a temporary lapse of sanity. The moment I took it out of the bag I thought, "I bought THIS?"

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  3. I don't really do shame, but let's pretend I'm a normal functioning human being. I should probably be ashamed of owning

    -Resident Evil: Afterlife
    -High School Musical 3
    -AVP: Requiem
    -Shark Night 3D
    -The Hannah Montana Movie
    -Dragonball Evolution

    Top that!

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  4. Oh, and I would totally own From Justin to Kelly if it had been released outside of the US. Kelly Clarkson wearing a skirt made out of neck ties? I'm in!

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  5. Excluding the unseen/unopened stuff in my kevyip pile (because what I don't know I own can't embarrass me) and edgy stuff I can legitimately defend on an intellectual/critical level (like Oshima's "In the Realm of the Senses" or Passolini's "Salo"):

    -CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST: I've only seen the movie once and that was enough (I'd rather watch "Salo" on a loop than subject myself to seeing those poor animals' skin being peeled off while they're alive), but I can't bring myself to ever get rid of the deluxe DVD with the great commentary track/documentary that chronicle its controversial release.

    -NEW YORK RIPPER: I'll defend my love/support of Lucio Fulci because, well, "Zombie 2" and "The Beyond" are insanely awesome (and portions of "City of the Living Dead" and "Last House on the Cemetery" are cool). But the completist in me is stuck with this thing on Blue Underground BD that looks stellar (stunning almost) but makes me feel dirty and pervert for just thinking of watching it. Even by early 80's Italian genre standards, this thing is just depraved.

    -BURIAL GROUND: my hat trick of Italian horror cinema nasties I shouldn't own concludes with this no-budget zombie flick that has the most insane character (Michael) played by the most creepy-looking and inappropriate actor (Peter Berk) in the most off-putting and nastier-than-any-gore-or-death moment/scene in the history of Italian horror cinema (which I won't spoil here but if you've even heard a whiff about this flick it's because of this one moment/scene). I can't destroy/throw it away (not in my nature) but won't watch it either, and don't want to pollute the world by passing it along to anybody else. Like Eric Bogosian says at the end of "Talk Radio," 'I guess we're stuck with each other.'

    I can't think of anything else except stuff that was so sickening to me I actually got rid of it by selling/trading it while you could still do that with DVD's.

    My new-to-me movies watched recently:

    2/28/13: Crank the slow motion and turn on the voyeuristic bedroom cams for Sam Peckinpah's THE OSTERMAN WEEKEND (1983) on DVD.

    3/1/13:
    Fanning student rebellions the world over since before World War II, Jean Vigo's ZERO DE CONDUIT (1934) on Blu-ray.

    http://www.dvdverdict.com/juryroom/viewtopic.php?f=50&t=6028&p=74636#p74636

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    1. I'd rather watch "Salo" 100 more times than read another page of "The 120 Days of Sodom."

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    2. Actually I prefer de Sade's book to the movie because Passolini's injection of politics (his own and those of the figurehead leaders inflicting the torture on the innocents) and visualization of the violence/abuse make it an endurance test. "The 120 Days of Sodom" book, which actually falls quite short of 120 days, is so over-the-top and insane in its suggested ideas (flight-of-fancy fantasies basically) it becomes basically an ongoing sick joke of 'top this.' I've read it twice and it's basically the bomb-throwing, button-pushing rantings of a shameless provocateur, unlike "Salo" being a bomb-throwing, button-pushing controlled scream of unmitigated anger from a shameless Italian provocateur. See the difference? :-P

      On the other hand, how can a podcast named "F This Movie" not have done an episode on "Salo" already? If there is a movie screaming for 'Dougspectives' it is this one. ;-)

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  6. As a huge fan of MST3k, Cinematic Titanic, Rifftrax and the podcasts done by F This Movie I own a lot of embarrassing movies. Embarrassing if I had bought them for any other reason than to laugh at them with the podcast, that is (*cough*the Twilight movies, Battlefield Earth*cough*)

    Movies I'm told I should be embarrassed to own but I'm not: Ultraviolet, Xanadu, The Spirit.

    The movie that I'm embarrassed I own is Star Trek: Nemesis. I HATE it but I was buying the "Director's Cut" DVD's of the other Trek movies and DeepDiscount.com was having a "Buy 2 Get 1 Free" sale so the "Completest" in me got it.

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    1. I didn't include "MST3K"/CT/Rifftrax stuff, but if I had then I'd be embarrassed to say I own "Invasion of the Neptune Men" (because 'Hitler Building' :-O), "Horrors of Spider Island" (oily men + sleazy women + bad monster make-up = yuck), "The Oozing Skull" & "Legacy of Blood" (Cinematic Titanic movies that are just plain sleazy/off-putting, and the riffing barely saves them from being depraved) and, last but not least, "The Sidehackers" (Joel & the bots weren't mature, comedy and character-wise, to take on such a downer of a Ross Hagen flick, and it comes across in the riffs).

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  7. I suppose, for me, the answer would be The Wizard. I mean, it's probably the cheesiest and lowest quality movie I own, as far as story and some dialog and whatnot ("I love the Power Glove. It's so bad.") It's also full of mistakes people with half a brain should have been able to pick up on, not to mention being just a big commercial for Nintendo and Super Mario Brothers 3, but I still find it charming and a nice snapshot of my youth, as I was a huge gamer as a kid, and SMB3 was one of the first games I owned. Therefore, I don't even know if I can say that I am ashamed to own it, as it contains a lot of sentimental value for me.

    Also,I get the feeling that Patrick is staunchly anti-Wayne's World, and I do own that...so maybe that would be the answer in this community? But again, I don't know if I am ashamed to say I own it.

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    1. I am not anti-Wayne's World! When I first saw that movie, it was the funniest movie I had ever seen (since Home Alone, anyway). I just don't think it stands up to viewings now, because it's badly dated and it holds for laughs for a really long time. But I definitely own it.

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    2. Ah, my apologies, I was maybe under the impression that you had a much stronger negative opinion of it than you apparently do. My mistake!

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    3. John, I think you're thinking of "Austin Powers" more than "Wayne's World." Various times on various podcasts/written articles Patrick and Doug have expressed their disdain for the franchise (primarily the sequels). "Wayne's World" has been mentioned as not holding up, but in 'F This Movie' land only "International Man of Mystery" gets a smidgen of respect.

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    4. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of? I don't know, haha. However, I own both Wayne's World AND Austin Powers, but the sequels of neither, so maybe I'm safe.

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    6. Actually, I take that back. I do own Goldmember...yikes.

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    7. I own both "The Spy Who Shagged Me" (which I actually like quite a lot) and "Goldmember" (which dies right after the star-studded opening, still a laugh-riot for me), both of which came with "International Man of Mystery" when I got the "Austin Powers" trilogy on Blu-ray real cheap. Decent commentary tracks on all three movies prevent me from getting rid of "Goldmember." Never owned the "Wayne's Worlds."

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    8. Yeeeah, I inherited the Austin Powers Trilogy from my husband, so I did not include that in my personal DVD collection, ha.

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  8. "Jason X" is the only movie I'm embarrassed to own. I suppose I should be embarrassed about "Faces of Death" but I'm happy I have it, even though I'll probably never watch it again.

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    1. Yeah, me too. Any move were David Cronenberg gets impaled by Jason and a cyber-enhanced version of the big guy re-enacts his early 80's killings virtually is most definitely owning. The commentary track alone is the shit. :-)

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  9. As a horror junkie and a completionist I probably own over 100 movies to be ashamed of. I don't just own Leprechaun, I own all six goddamn Leprechauns. I own Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. I own all nine Hellraiser movies, despite only two of them being even remotely worth ever watching again. I should add that I have not even bothered to watch the latest Hellraiser, yet there it sits (still in the plastic) sharing a double-feature disc with the latest Children Of The Corn, another series I own every entry in despite the fact that I haven't watched one since part 4 or so. I always think maybe someday, but then I remember how short life is, y'know?

    I feel dirty now.

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  10. There is so many that I own on DVD include:

    "Jumper" with Hayden Christensen
    "Lost in Space"
    "Sphere"
    "Red Planet" with Val Kilmer
    "Spy Kids 3D: Game Over" (I enjoyed parts 1 and 2, then I came to realize how bad part 3 is and have no desire to get part 4.)
    "Lawnmower Man 2: Jobe's War" (My parents blind-bought it during my summer vacation in 2008 before I knew how godawful this one would be before I saw the original with Pierce Brosnan.)

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  11. My then girlfriend/now wife was/is a HUGE Dane Cook fan, and she got me into his stand-up when we were dating. I was well aware of the bad reputation he had, and skeptically I listened to it, and the truth is I liked it. So we ended up getting the trifecta of "Employee of the Month", "Good Luck Chuck", and "My Best Friend's Girl". They are all terrible, but truthfully, "Employee of the Month" is the only one I kinda sort of like.

    I also have "Resident Evil: Apocalypse", "Timeline", "The Queen of the Damned", and "The Rage"(the only Misti Mundane film where she doesn't get nekkid).

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  12. I don’t know if I’m ashamed but I’m not exactly bragging to my friends about owning these three.

    UltraViolet (Unrated Cut DVD): Oh yeah, one of Bromley’s “favorite” movies. I got this back in 08’ or 09’ in a $5 DVD bin at Walmart. I figured what could be wrong with Mila in skintight outfits killing bad guys with hi-tech swords, guns, & martial arts in a B-movie that’s unrated. Man, was I so wrong. The CGI is just laughable (especially during the chase scene with Violet’s motorcycle vs the helicopters). I never saw the theatrical cut but the unrated version doesn’t add anything that could make it rise above a PG-13. I agree that Mila’s commentary has to be heard to be believed. It’s so hilariously stupid & bad (“Yeah, that’s so rad!” “Like you know” “This is awesome”) that it almost justifies the $5 I wasted on it.

    Highlander 2 (Special Edition DVD): I always had a fascination with God awful movies so when I heard about this one; I had to pick it up right away in 2004. The new shield effects & getting rid of the Planet Zeist garbage makes it less of an abortion, but it’s still a lousy trainwreck. The best parts are the documentaries that explained how H2 got so bad & I appreciated that the main players (Lambert, Mulcahy, Peter Davis, William Panzer) took some of the blame & it wasn’t just the bonding company’s fault.

    Skyline (Blu Ray): My fascination got the best of me again, although I picked this up for cheap at a Best Buy $7.99 Blu Ray bin. Skyline is awful but it has such a weird vibe to it. It has the cheesy writing & acting of a cheap SyFy weekend movie but has some impressive CGI effects that are better than a lot of $100+million blockbusters (cough, any of the X-Men movies, cough). I only use it as a tech demo now & just go straight to the first dogfight with the stealth bomber & the predator drones.

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    1. I LOVE that I'm not the only sucker here who listened to the Ultraviolet commentary! Let's be BFFs.

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    2. Consider Ultraviolet added to my Netflix Queue. I can't bring myself to buy it, but I'll rent it for the entertainment value it sounds like that commentary provides.

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    3. Watch it like you'd read a silver era comic book - "That couldn't happen in real life...but isn't cool?!?!"

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  13. While at first glance I was going to say Jeepers Creepers 2 (which I think puts me on a different kind of list) my final answer would have to be Matrix Revolution. That movie is just mammoth amounts of stupid and straight out overkill, I get it humans have a big silverfish infestation and they only have 20 billion bullets and a dozen load lifters from the Sulaco to help them out. The movie was given to me for Christmas as part of the Matrix Collection 4 pack DVD, in reality I only needed one of those 4.

    Some honorable mentions though include Bicentennial Man, Talladega Nights, and some film school short films I had bit parts in.

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  14. This only took me a few seconds: Johnny Suede, the second movie with Brad Pitt, and it's HORRIBLE. Not even worth seeing for really early Catherine Keener and Samuel L. Jackson performances. Remember how Six String Samurai has some fun riffs on rockabilly? This...does not.

    The only one besides that is Rat Race, and I blame the wife on that one.

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  15. I'm not emabrassed by any of the films in my collection, but sometimes people try to act like I should.
    For instance, I own all the seasons of Hannah Montana on DVD. That's right, even seasons 2 and 3 which are only available in the UK. And I don't have kids yet.
    The show just reminds me of all those mindless Saturday mornings of eating sugar ceral and watching "Saved by the Bell".

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    1. You sound like my kind of person!

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  16. Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm that embarrassed by anything in my collection but I guess the one that I'd take the most shit for from my friends would be Titanic 3D but (a) it's my wife's really and (b) it's hardly a BAD movie.

    I have quite a few of the movies other people listed (AVP:R, Austin Powers, Resident Evils, Wolverine) but I guess I'm just not easily embarrassed!

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  17. Although it's not embarassment exactly, the title that gives me the most regret whenever I see it on my shelf is "The Score". It's not a bad movie per se but it feels very generic... like it's part of somebody else's movie collection.

    Whenever I'm watching a movie and some DVDs are included on a character's shelf as set dressing, I always pause to identify as many titles as I can. Invariably, it's a bunch of random movies from the same studio as the very movie I'm watching and they don't reflect the character at all. That's how "The Score" looks to me on my own shelf.

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