Toy Story of Terror. Sure, it's not a movie, but, you know ... HALLOWEEN!
Release date: Dec. 25, 2013
So let's say it's Christmas. You've opened some presents, stuffed yourself on goose and got into a heated argument about a woman's right to choose with your kooky uncle. What next? MOVIES (doy-doy)! If you're into history (and/or George Clooney), you'll be checking out The Monuments Men. If you just want to laugh because holiday stress is making you mental, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues is probably for you. Or, if you want to see a serious, Academy-caliber drama, you'll have to decide between Saving Mr. Banks, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty or [my pick] American Hustle. However, if you like old men hitting each other coupled with a plot that can't quite decide between cute sentimentality, nostalgia and action, then boy -- have I got the movie for you!
Release date: Oct. 4, 2013
Don't let the YouTube picture fool you -- this looks like a piece of shit (and the preview contains zero boobie). Look, I'm no fan of Italian horror, and, honestly, I thought Dario Argento died years ago (presumably after watching Scarlet Diva). I was surprised to learn he was still actively making films. Although to call this a "film" is being generous. Gli effetti 3D mi fanno venire voglia di vomitare!
Release date: Nov. 22, 2013
Director Alexander Payne is in the "can do no wrong" category at this point. Such a great, varied track record, full of interesting imagery, dialogue and themes. I was excited to watch this preview, but then my enthusiasm tempered (Coen brothers vibe notwithstanding). Which is not to say that Nebraska won't be thought-provoking and funny and stunning and beautiful, just like Payne's other films. I'm just reacting to the trailer, see? And, while I WILL see this, I have to admit: I'm not SUPER pumped about it. Then again, Will Forte and Bob Odenkirk...
We Are What We Are
Release date: Sept. 27, 2013
This looks genuinely frightening and dense and serious and spooky. And Ethan Suplee-y. Sure, it might be a little in love with its own GOTHIC ATMOSPHERE, but whatever. If nothing else, watch this trailer to get yourself pumped for #ScaryMovieMonth.
Release date: TBA
Pornstar Sasha Grey plays some sort of non-porn celebrity (is there such a thing?) who's being spied on by a nefarious third-party ... through superfan Elijah Wood's PC? [insert NSA joke here] Show of hands: who thinks Elijah Wood is not a very talented actor? You can keep your Frodo (full disclosure: I am not a fan of the LOTR films [flame me in the comments, IF YOU MUST]). Don't get me wrong, his campy, unfunny gay character in Celeste & Jesse Forever and basic cable stoner protagonist in Wilfred are THE BEST (/sarcasm). I just think his acting chops were surpassed by his name recognition long ago. It's not like I hate the guy. I wish him well, and I'm sure he sleeps just fine (on top of a giant pile of money with many beautiful bi-curious partners) without worrying about some hack writer recapping the latest movie previews. So, yeah, Open Windows ... terrible.
Release date: Nov. 27, 2013
Not the 2011 videogame (or its upcoming sequel), but the action-thriller based on the eponymous novel, later adapted into a screenplay by Sylvester Stallone (Lt. Raymond Tango). THAT Homefront. Yeah, so this trailer kinda sucks -- it gives away too much, but I suppose that's the curse of having SIX PLOTLINES. But I'll still see it. For science.
The Last Days on Mars
Release date: Dec. 6, 2013
A sci-fi horror movie? In space? Uh, ONE PLEASE. Sure, it's been done before (Ghosts of Mars, Event Horizon, the entire Alien franchise, etc.), but I'm digging this preview. Irish director Ruairi Robinson's previous short Blinky is pretty great. And it's gotta be better than Prometheus, right? Right? Right.