Friday, October 25, 2013

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Oct. 25)

#ScaryMovieMonth is winding down ("More candy!" -you), and you know what that means -- it's almost Christmas! Let's bridge the two, shall we? HO-HO-HORROR!

Black Christmas
Release date: Dec. 20, 1974

I saw this movie for the first time only two weeks ago (LATE TO THE COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY, ANYONE?) during Patrick's 24-hour horror movie marathon. And ... it's good! I encourage everyone to see it. Arguable the first slasher movie (released almost four years before Halloween, the accepted "originator" of the subgenre), it's part procedural, part thriller and part Olivia Hussey yelling "Hello?" into an old-timey phone. But why does it take place during Christmas? <-- a="" br="" hypothetical="" not="" question.="">

Release date: June 8, 1984

Gremlins is great. And Gremlins 2: The New Batch is arguably greater. But this trailer is P.U. stinky! What's with the narrator being so narrator-y? "Here's this kid. And here's his new pet. Here's the new pet's rules. If you break the rules, LOOK OUT!" Feels like the first preview to ever give away the whole movie. I know it's fun to watch for nostalgia purposes -- it reminds you of why you love your childhood -- but as a marketing piece, junk I tell you!

Jack Frost
Release date: Nov. 18, 1997

Sure, it's straight to video, but that's not gonna stop me from focusing on a young, pre-plastic surgery Shannon Elizabeth. My point is that I haven't seen this whole movie (nor do I want to, because it looks like coal -- in a STOCKING [Christmas burn!]), but I have seen select CLIPS from this movie (ifyouknowwhatImeanandI'msurethatyoudo). "So uh, 'shaved' is the expression?" Yeah, shaved ICE! Because snowman.

Christmas Evil
Release date: November 1980

This can't be the original trailer, right? It's too well edited, and the music ... it's just too METAL. Regardless, there you have it -- a schlocky horror movie about a young boy who grows up to become a murderous Santa. Considered the "best" holiday-themed horror movie, although best is a relative term with horror movie fans. Notoriously bad taste, is what I'm getting at.

Santa's Slay
Release date: Dec. 20, 2005

It should be noted that the above release date was for its U.S. DVD premiere, because NO WAY was this released in theaters (except maybe in Canada?). Despite its B-movie status, the movie still manages to feature some, well, C-level stars, including Claire from Lost, the nanny from The Nanny, Doug McKenzie from Strange Brew, Corky Romano from Corky Romano, "The Noxzema Girl" from Noxzema commercials and GOLDBERG AS SANTA. "I'm just trying to spread a little yuletide FEAR!"

Silent Night, Bloody Night
Release date: November 1972

I previously featured trailers for Silent Night, Deadly Night -- both the original and the shit remake -- which means I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel with this preview. Don't have much to say about this gritty 1970s film, except that it costars John Carradine. You might know him best as the most mustachioed Dracula from the Universal monster movies.


  1. Jack Frost has a certain tongue-in-cheek charm to it. It's pretty wonderfully shlocky.

    Then there's Christmas Evil...which I recommend. Not schlocky at all and oddly sweet with a fine lead performance by Brandon Maggart (oddly enough, the father of Fiona Apple). The trailer makes it look like a standard slasher film but there's a lot more there.

  2. I still maintain that the remake of Silent Night, Bloody Night with Malcolm McDowell is very good...