Friday, April 18, 2014
Growing Up Nerdy
How does one know when they are truly a "Trekkie?"
- Trekked out in Toronto
Mike: Let me start out by saying I’m not a Trekkie. I really, really like Star Trek a lot. I’ve seen and own all of the feature films and have watched countless hours of the various TV series, none more than The Next Generation. Even bad Star Trek -- and there’s bad Star Trek -- is a lot of fun. I’ve read Trek books and comic books. Over the years I’ve collected Trek toys and even bought all of the CDs from the Star Trek tribute band Five Year Mission.*
*side note: Patrick, Adam and myself were at a comic-con in Chicago a few years ago when Patrick found the Five Year Mission booth and he bought their first CD. A few weeks later, he told me that they’re really good and he had just ordered their second album. While I hadn’t heard them yet, I thought he must be blinded by his love of all things Star Trek. I figured that there’s no way that a band that writes songs for every episode of the original Star Trek series could be anything more than amusing. Boy, was I wrong. They’re awesome, guys. I have no idea what they’re singing about half of the time, but who cares. I recommend you guys seek them out and give them a try. They’re a blast. Anywho…
Adam: That’s a hard one, because being a Trekkie can easily be discounted by someone who is even more of a Trekkie. For instance, I consider myself a Trekkie; however, I’m sure that Juror from the OJ Simpson trial who wore her Star Trek uniform to court (complete with a Tricorder and Phaser) would think I’m just a wannabe.
I present to you "Adam’s Five Levels of Star Trek Fans:"
Entry Level - Someone in the entry level has seen Star Trek episodes, seen more than one of the movies and enjoyed them. This person can identify one or more of the Captains.
Operating Thetan - These people have seen at least 5% or more of any of the 726 various episodes. They understand why wearing a “red shirt” is a bad thing. They have also seen four or more of the Star Trek movies, can identify two or more Captains and several cast members from more than one of the series.
Ambassador Class - An AC Trek fan will have seen more than 50% of the various Star Trek episodes and at least 75% of either the Original Series and/or Next Generation. An AC also has seen at least five episodes of every Star Trek series (minus the animated series), can tell the difference between ships and knows the difference between a Vulcan, Romulan, Klingon, human and Ferengi. This person owns at least one Star Trek related item, from a t-shirt to a commemorative glass. Most telling of all, though, is that an AC liked the Star Trek reboot but prefers the television series.
Trekkie - A full out Trekkie is someone who has seen nearly all of Star Trek's 726 episodes and every single one of the movies -- yes, even Final Frontier. A Trekkie has met at least two cast members from Star Trek and owns multiple Star Trek items. A Trekkie can tell you who each character is, but can also tell you ABOUT each character complete with useless information (like that Picard plays a Ressikan flute or that Sisko loves baseball). These people can understand several words in Klingon. “Qapla!” A Trekkie doesn’t just enjoy Star Trek, they LOVE Star Trek and are truly happy about the time they spend in that universe.
Trekkie Operating Thetan Level 10 - This person has all the characteristics of a Trekkie but takes it to another level. These people dress regularly in Trek uniforms, role play and have met a good majority of the cast members. They don’t call episodes by title but refer to them as numbers. These are the people that have major questions about episodes and believe that Patrick Stewart or Levar Burton can tell you the answers to these questions by explaining how the antimatter system works in a Warp Drive Engine. An OT Level X Trekkie has seen every episode, went back and watched them all again… multiple times.
I have a choice between buying a replica of Frodo's sword "Sting" or a light saber. What should I choose?!
-Dan In Los Angeles
Adam: Which one lights up? If one of them lights up, you have to go with that one. Your friends come over, they see Sting hanging up on their wall. They ask about it. It’s a conversation piece, over in a few minutes. Now imagine those same friends come over, they see Sting on the wall. They ask about it. After talking about it for a few minutes, you walk over to the wall. Pick up Sting. Flip a switch, that bad boy glows blue… BOOM! You’re fucking awesome. Then you turn to your friend and say, “It only glows blue when Orcs are present… must be because you’re ugly ass is here!” DOUBLE BOOM!! NERD BURN!!
If all things are equal, though, both light up, I’d go with a light saber. Star Wars is just a little more mainstream and acceptable. If your parents come over and see a light saber, it will bring back memories of when they first showed you Star Wars or saw it themselves. They see a LOTR sword, they’re probably going to dismiss it because they have no idea what that is.
The most critical question you need to ask yourself is: are you are going to take any girls to your place? If the answer is yes, then buy whatever one you like but don’t take it out! Believe me, the best form of birth control is having either an Elven Sword or the chosen weapon of a Jedi Knight sitting on your mantle. You need to ease the ladies into that shit. Even if you had an 11 inch penis and nicknamed it “Sting,” you don’t just whip that out. You ease the ladies into it. Unless it’s a hooker.
I would go with Sting. For one thing, my love of Lord of the Rings has grown and grown over the years. While I’ll always adore Star Wars, this old, boring version of myself prefers the LotR trilogy all day long. As a result of my affections for the LotR films and books, I’ve come to really appreciate the mythology that comes with it. What makes swords like Sting and Orcrist so cool is more than how neat they look. There’s history behind those weapons. Sting was an Elvish dagger that was the perfect size for a Hobbit like Bilbo or Frodo. It would glow blue when Orcs or Trolls were nearby. The spiders of Mirkwood feared it. It was beautiful and clouded in mystery and history. I feel like Sting could tell its own story, and that’s so cool to me.
Any way you go is cool. But I’d go with good old fashioned Elvish craftsmanship.