by Doug Schultz
Welcome to Flick Bait, my new weekly submission (eww) in which I post lists, trivia, opinions, pictures and videos about movies in an effort to generate enlightened conversation [and shamelessly drive up web traffic]. What follows is an attempt to talk with you, dear reader, about film in an open, nontraditional manner. Please feel free to leave your feedback (including corrections and omissions [although I probably have a good reason for leaving something out]), as well as suggestions for future articles, in the comments below. Let's begin, shall we?
1. High Fidelity (2000)
The list movie that inspired this list about movies with lists. Main character Rob Gordon (John Cusack) obsessively makes lists about, well, everything. Dream jobs. Side ones, track ones. And, of course, the list we all have (but probably don't admit to) of previous sexual conquests. He's obsessive about list making. So much so that, when he discovers an up-and-coming skate punk band (the Kinky Wizards [a.k.a., Royal Trux]) outside his record store, he signs them on a whim to his yet-to-be-established record label. The name he comes up with? Top Five Records. "It's ... it's really fucking good."
2. Kill Bill (2003 and 2004)
3. Billy Madison (1995)
Just one scene. But, man, WHAT a scene. Absurdist humor at its best, and definitely NOT a harbinger of future Adam Sandler projects. Danny McGrath (Steve Buscemi) gets the apology he's been longing for from our newly enlightened protagonist. And just like that, Billy's name is scratched off Danny's "People to Kill List." And then there's the lipstick. "Goo!"
4. The Ten Commandments (1956)
I still haven't seen it (does anyone really blame me?), but I'm pretty sure it has to do with a list of some sort. JB HAS seen it, however, and he shits on it. Shits on it good.
5. What's Your Number? (2011)
Now this movie I HAVE seen (that's the kind of cinephile I am), but I don't recall if there's an actual, concrete list presented in the film. Does it matter? Probably not. Ally Darling (Anna Faris) looks back at the past 20 men she's had relationships with, and wonders if one of them might be her one true love. Uh, hello, ALLY DARLING (best name ever? [barf name barfer?])? Captain FUCKING America (Chris Evans) is standing RIGHT. NEXT. TO. YOU. And he's singing a song!
6. The To Do List (2013)
7. The Bucket List (2007)
8. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
In order to bang Ramona Flowers, our eponymous hero must defeat her seven evil exes, including Chris Evans (Captain FUCKING America) and Brandon Routh (the lamest Superman). Not to mention Jason Schwartzman, who any woman in her right mind would definitely choose over a whiny, 80-pound Michael Cera (most of that weight is in his silly hair). And, hey: Scott! You already have the [arguably] more appealing (especially to nerds with Asian fetishes) Knives Chau in the bag! Why the obsession with the stone-faced girl who, honestly, seems kinda boring?
9. Schindler's List (1993)