Thursday, June 11, 2015

Junesploitation Day 11: Ninjas!

The true professionals of death!

94 comments:

  1. LETHAL NINJA, aka AMERICAN NINJA 5: THE NOSTRADAMUS SYNDROME (1992, 84 min.) on Amazon Prime for the first time.

    This movie may or may not have been made in South Africa (it's so ineptly shot it's either Southern California or South Africa made to look like Southern Cal.), but it features gems of dialogue between hero Joe Ford (Ross Kettle, whose acting makes Michael Dudikoff seem like Brando) and partner/friend Peter Brannigan (David Webb, doing a poor man's impersonation of Fred Williamson) that go something like this:

    Peter: 'My wife left me for a pilot.'
    Joe: 'What did you do about it?'
    Peter: 'Switch airlines.'
    Joe: 'Let's go.'
    Peter: 'Wait... ninjas with machine guns?'

    Yes, Peter, plus African ninjas on roller skates with blades in their skates. And a water amusement park the movie is trying to pass as a chemical factory in which acid is being used to poison the water supply of an African nation. Why? Too convoluted to explain, but since "Lethal Ninja" is so clearly ripping off the Cannon Group's ninja movies from a decade prior (only with 1/10th the charm and skill of the Firstenberg-helmed flicks) it's not easy to get lost. Richard Attenborough lookalike and his ninjas: bad. Black dude with arrow-shooting guns and white guy that looks like Eric Stoltz and Jackie Chan's illegitimate child? Not good, more like the guys we kind of have to side with, especially after Attenborough-like villain tortures them with the same contraption Jack Palance used to electrocute the heroes in "Tango & Cash." Did I mention the alarm at ninja headquarters sounds like the ghosts being stunned in "Pac-Man"? Or a musical number that goes on forever featuring THE WORST SONG EVER PERFORMED IN A MOVIE?

    First real disappointing movie of Junesploitation so far, it can only go back up from here.

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    1. This was the movie that killed my Junesploitation '14 momentum. Rough.

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    2. I re-read your "American Ninja V" review from last year, Scott, and it's not the same ninja movie. Yours was the legitimate "American Ninja V" sequel. The one I watched one was a cheap knockoff that stole the name "American Ninja 5" a year before the one you watched came out. Shoot, "Lethal Ninja" is the first movie I've ever watched in which the credits crawl at the end (which is super slow) doesn't have copyright info, 'This story is fictitious...' disclaimer or even production info. The credits just stop about a minute or two after the music stops... they just didn't care!

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    3. Oh, wow, that's crazy. I just re-read mine too (shows how much I remember about the plot!). Last year I clearly lied, I did not love it!

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  2. Miami Connection (1987)

    I found out this one existed off of the Red Letter Media Best of the Worst episode and wow it sure is something. This movie was filmed mostly in the Orlando area (my current hometown!) and this feels like the biggest budget film school project that Full Sail (the local film school) never actually did. The actors have clearly never acted in a film before but their enthusiasm shows up on film as well as some surprisingly catchy songs from the Tae Kwon Do rock band “Dragon Sound”. As for this being Ninjasploitation they are pretty much at the top and climax of the film. I do want to say one genuinely nice thing about this movie is that at times the action is well shot for a bit until the overacting of some of the performers takes me out of the moment. I say check this one out if your in the mood for a Ninja movie where a director valiantly tries to bite off more then he can chew.

    8 Word Review (In Preparation for SMM)

    “My father, guys I finally found my father!”

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    1. The Rifftrax guys are going to do this as a live show in October this year (check Phatom Events website for exact day and time). Can't wait. :-)

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    2. MIAMI CONNECTION is 100% catchy, cheesy awesomeness!!!!! I love this movie so much, that I had to order a "Dragon Sound"-tee and cut the arm wrists off!!!
      This movie is an absolute must!!!!
      It's technically not the best, but it's made with a heart and passion!!!!!
      And for all people who didn't watched this gem:
      Go and watch it!!! NOW!!!!!!!

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    3. You having to order the tee and cut the arms off is legitimately the best thing I've heard all day. Friends through eternity!

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  3. The Hunted (1995): The Highlander vs some hardcore ninjas. It's the only Christopher Lambert movie where he decapitates somebody & doesn't say "There can be only one!".

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  4. Pray for Death (1985)

    I love this movie!! In my opinion, Sho Kosugi is the best of the 80's ninja movie stars. He's so good at playing the roll of the reluctant family man who just wants to be left in peace, but is driven to violence when provoked. Basically, that's what he plays here. Unlike many 80's action movies, the fight choreography in this still holds up well. Very entertaining. You won't be disappointed with this one.

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    1. Just watched this still entertaining movie again and noticed that actress Donna Kei Benz, playing Kosugis wife here, was also the female lead in John Frankenheimers very underrated and very bloody "The challenge", which sadly is a samurai film, not a ninja film....but I still recommend it.

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  5. America Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

    A white guy ninja, with the help of his black friend, defeat a clan of super ninjas led by a latino ninja. What? Oh, so just because their ninjas they have to be Japanese? You are so racist. This movie is so non-racist there isnt one Japanese person in it (except for one old guy in a flashback, but to be honest he looked more south-east asian).

    Part of me wants to think this movie is a commentary on american culture, where it takes a cool aspect of another culture then manufactures it in mass production, missing many of the core elements of the original concept, in order to be sold off to the highest bidder...or world domination...or whatever. But I really think the film makers just thought drug dealers genetically creating super ninjas sounded cool. And it did sound cool, until we saw them. apparently "super ninjas" just means "people dressed up as ninjas" because they all died pretty easily by "normal ninjas" and even "non-ninjas". Super ninjas suck.

    All black ninja camoflague doesnt work too well on the beach in the middle of the day. just saying.

    Steve James was a lot of fun. I wish he got to do more movies.

    3Dollarsploitation

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    1. That first paragraph made me laugh out loud while eating breakfast in village inn.

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  6. Ninja (2009)
    I wanted to see this because Avi Lerner and Boaz Davidson were involved, and it's been a long time since I saw a really good ninja movie. This one isn't bad at all. After the disappointment that was Ninja Assassin, I'm happy to see there are still at least some halfway decent ninja movies being made, and not just movies with ninjas in them, but actual movies that center around ninjas. This one tries to act as a reintroduction to ninja lore at the beginning, and then becomes a story about rivalry between two ninjitsu students. Of course, one student must be honorable, and the other must be conniving and hungry for power and prestige. Of course he has to dishonor himself in front of their sensei and gets banished from the dojo, becoming the chief assassin for a conglomerate who dress up in robes and hang out in a temple when they're not doing going to business meetings. There's really nothing new here, but it's not bad. The fights and swordplay are passable, enough for me to want to see Ninja II. But I can tell you, Cannon Films and Sho Kosugi are sorely missed.

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    1. I watched Ninja as well. It won me over in the end. I liked how it knew what it was, glorifying Ninjas lovingly. I was a little worried at the beginning, all these normal Japanese dudes surrounding the most ripped white guy I have ever seen, was it Scott Adkins? His muscles had muscles. But the more I watched the more I settled in enjoyed the fight scenes and ended up having fun with it.

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    2. Yeah, it was good; I was pleasantly surprised with it. I've read some good things about Ninja II, particularly that Kane Kosugi is the villain. I'm excited to see it.

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    3. Ninja is fun, Ninja II is 100x better. Way less CGI nonsense, lots of fun action.

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    4. I was thinking of watching Ninija Assassin because I can't remember my feelings on it which makes me think theres a reason I've only watched the Dvd once in 5 years.

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  8. Beverly Hills Ninja (1997): I don't know why, but I love this movie.

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    1. I've always been a fan of this movie myself.

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  9. Ninja in the Killing Fields (1984) Dir. Godfrey Ho (Who else?)

    This film was mentioned during the commentary on the "Revenge of the Ninja" Blu Ray as being the Ninja movie that came out and started the onslaught of bad Ninja movies so I had to check it out. In typical Ho fashion it's all over the place. This is the first film to feature Stuart Smith as the Swayze look-a-like who went onto be in classics like "Ninja in Action" and "Cobra vs Ninja" (both recommended). The last 10 minutes are bonkers as the Army has been sent in to take out the Ninja's! Tanks are blowing up Ninja's! The main bad Ninja's hand gets cut off and he throws it and it explodes on a tree!! What?! It was pretty great. Not the best Ho film ("Ninja Terminator" takes the cake on that one and I highly recommend that if you haven't seen it) but also not the worst.

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  10. Ninja III: The Domination (1984) - First viewing

    I picked this up only because Patrick championed it on that old column about Cannon films. Boy was he right!

    "Only a ninja can destroy a ninja", states the movie repeatedly, but the police force sure give it a good try when they pump the movie's bad guy full of lead. And I mean full, he's hit probably by his own weight's worth of bullets. With his last ounce of strength, he gives his sword to an aerobics instructor, possessing her body in the process. As one does.

    The rest of the movie isn't any less crazy either. I'll echo Patrick's words: If you're at all a fan of exploitation, you need to see this.

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  11. Ninja Death 1 (1987)

    I have no idea what happens in this movie plot wise, but I was witness to a Bruce Lee look-a-like battling Dionne Warrick's gold ninja master and his devil masked slave. There was also a generous helping of breasts, so yeah, exploitation greatness.

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  12. Revenge of the Ninja (1983)

    I've had this on my DVR for awhile in preparation for this month. I wanted to view this film whilst the inimitable Mr. Bromley guided me through the bliss. It comes from his one man showcase titled Revenge of the Ninja: A Love Story. It might not have been called that but that is what I choose to label it. I don't know how good it is on it's own but listening to it with his commentary made it great. But now I feel that I may be spoiled. After Ninja, I watched Hercules in New York and thought, "what would Patrick think about this terrible movie?" Do I watch Kuffs tonight or sit on it for a couple of months? I don't know if I have the will power...

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  13. I just saw Christopher Lee past away. I might have to watch one of his movies in his honor. Best Christopher Lee movie?

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    1. I know which icon I'm picking for Icons! day. And Lee's best role is "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones," obviously. Count Dooku rulz! :-P

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    2. Revenge of the Ninja, definitely.

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    3. After reading this I've downloaded and am listening to his metal album Charlemagne: The Omens of Death. Maybe mini Chris Lee marathon for this weekend.

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    4. When I saw the news, I started hunting for a copy of his first Dracula movie to watch it on Icons day in his honor. Found a used copy, hope it gets here on time.

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    5. I adore Horror of Dracula and Curse of Frankenstein. But Dracula is more of a Lee film.

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  14. Enter the Ninja (1981, dir. Menahem Golan) (First Time Viewing): Never quite tops the opening sequence of lots of brightly colored (!) ninjas running around a forest doing ninja-stuff. Seriously those first 10 minutes are rad. Isn’t the whole point of ninja to stay hidden? Brad L. also noted this with American Ninja 2. Seeing a dude in bright white ninja-jammies running around super-conspicuously will always be funny to me. I would comment on Franco Nero’s moustache but it’s been done by so many before, and words just can’t do it justice. Also my boy Christopher George!

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  15. G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

    130-million-dollar exploitation. Bruce Willis and Channing Tatum aren't really in it as much as the posters might want you to believe, but The Rock and Byung-hun Lee are always a pleasure on screen, and Jonathan Pryce is given the chance to chew some scenery. Not as much fun as the first one (which was itself problematic in its own ways, but I liked it for what it was), but with director Jon Chu behind the camera (the man responsible for Step Ups 2 & 3 and both Justin Bieber movies) it's fun to look at the action scenes as elaborate dance routines. Should probably have been 20-30 minutes shorter. Can't really recommend it, but it wasn't all bad.

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  16. Ninja in the Dragon's Den (1982)

    Handful of notes I jotted down during THE FIRST 10 MINUTES of this movie:

    Opening shot: Looks like an empty beach but nope, a metric fuckload of ninjas burst out of the sand!

    Tonight on America's Next Top Ninja Dance Crew

    Awesome fight with Japanese Brian Blessed on stilts

    ...so if you're not already sold, I don't know what else to tell you. I haven't even mentioned the guy whose defeat comes from being distracted by boobs that are also lasers. Top-notch (well, the top part of the bottom notch, anyway) action comedy directed by Corey Yuen, on YouTube, tons of fun. One of the best surprises of Junesploitation for me, I hope Kino or Olive gets it on blu-ray at some point, I'd love to see it less blurry.

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    1. I watched this last year! LOVED it! Much more fun than my pick this year. Cheers!

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    2. It was a total blast! I have to go back and read your review!

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    3. We both pointed out "Laser Boobies!" Haha

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  17. FULL METAL NINJA (1989)

    A ninja roams the land, seeking to battle an evil general. American producers later edited in a B-story with a Caucasian hero, as a ninja who fights with a gun as well as a sword. It’s all a confusing mess. I have no idea why anyone is fighting each other, and because it all takes place in the forest, I never knew who was where at any given time. On the plus side, there’s some fun fantasy-based fight choreography, and I especially liked the ninjas who wear headbands emblazoned with the word “Ninja” in big letters.

    Accompanying short film: NINJA LOVE STORY (2013, I think?). A 90-second animated short with a simple boy-ninja-meets-girl-ninja story. Makes me wonder what a Pixar martial arts movie would be like.

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  18. The Octagon (1980)

    Chuck Norris is to martial arts what Taco Bell is to authentic Mexican food. Overall, this is a 'meh' movie, but it has the distinction of having the worst character thought voice-over I've ever heard. It's a really strange choice by the director. You could do worse than The Octagon, but there are just so many more entertaining ninja movies you could watch.

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    1. I watched this last Junesploitation and you are dead on with that voice over. It's infuriatingly bad. I thought the actual Octogon was kind of cool though...

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  19. Ninja Heat (1975)

    I think the title is a mistranslation, there was no mention of ninjas, and the two guys seeking revenge for their mother's death just seemed like normal kung fu experts.

    Despite being more exploitation-y than other films I've watched, it wasn't very entertaining.

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  20. Black Ninja (1987): This film is not only shitty but also the politics are awful. Just so repellent it was making me a bit sick. I never knew Americans who saw their justice system as too liberal would even make a movie called Black Ninja? Wow.

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    1. Godfrey Ho, Richard Harrison and Stuart Smith - all perfect representatives of our great nation.

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    2. Right on. Heather Hunter - even more of a perfect representative!

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    3. Jesus. I hope not. I love you guys and that's why I want better for your justice system, legal system, medical system, pollitically and socially. Just from love honestly not jugement! You are so wonderfully smart all of you. I hope your systems get fairer! I am sure Sol feels the same being Canadian. Canada yes to their system.

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    4. Maybe I live under a stone but as far as I can remember I have never heard of this movies´ director Godfrey Ho. He has an incredible amount of 118 directing credits on IMDB, at least half of them are ninja movies. Strange. I think I have to see at least one of these.

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    5. "Ninja Terminator" is the way to go. Godfrey Ho's whole thing is that he would take crime movies (mostly) that have already been made, shoot Ninja stuff and cut the films together to form a narrative usually resulting in nonsense. If you pick a Ninja movie at random, there's an 80% chance Ho directed.

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  21. Are there any Christopher Lee ninja movies? If so I need one STAT.

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    1. No dice as far as I can tell, Tom.

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    2. Closest you get is Eye for an Eye with Chuck Norris (that's a real stretch). But you can do Kung-Fu! day though - He's in Circle of Iron with David Carradine.

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    3. Good call. I will have to check out Eye for an Eye on Kung-Fu day. I watched Circle of Iron aka The Silent Flute during a past Junesploitation; I had fun with it.

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    4. I will just have to pay my respects to Christopher Lee later this evening with a viewing of "The Man With the Golden Gun".

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    5. Would he work in the Icons category? If so, I think I found a good one...

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  22. The Wolverine (2013)

    This kind of has ninjas in it, right? Anyway I really appreciate how intimate the story is – especially in light of more recent comic book movies where everything has to be catastrophically epic. The stakes are so small, yet so personable so they still matter. Also, Hugh Jackman is a boss.

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    1. Ninjas are ninjas. That is what I liked about the movie, being personal I mean, it was a pleasant change of pace.

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  23. NINJA ASSASSIN (2009)
    I think I'm the only one here who REALLY digs this flick. Which is cool. I'll rock it solo.
    CGI blood? Don't care. Looks great on Blu.
    Fight scenes? I think they're awesome.
    Korean pop star? Rain gets the job done and looks cool doing it.
    By-the-numbers story? I didn't come here for depth, I came to watch ninja carnage, and I get a LOT of it.
    Plus Naomie Harris (never a bad thing) and Sho Kosugi (they knew what they were doing).
    It's no Revenge of the Ninja, no. Not even a Pray for Death or Ninja: Shadow of a Tear, but I'd watch it 100x over Enter the Ninja.

    Rain = superior ninja to Franco Friggin Nero.

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  24. Quote
    Remember, a man who seeks revenge should dig two graves,
    There gonna need a lot more than that!

    I wanted to go modern as I haven't seen many newish Ninja movies

    Ninja: Shadow of a Tear 2013

    Scott Adkins kicking ass, a good revenge story, loads of fighting, pretty much action all the way through, lots of speeded up fight scenes which was amusing, and Scotts stubble was the perfect length all the time, overall good fun

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  25. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze (1991)
    So, 1991 Eli, you weren't particularly discerning, were you? I knew this would not live up to my childhood memories, but after I had a blast at a screening of the first, I figured what the hell. As Splinter says in the film, "Oy." It's unfortunate that the film's dedicated to Jim Henson, since this is easily some of the ugliest work the Creature Shop has ever done. In a bright spot, David Warner takes part in the fine tradition of an overqualified British actor slumming it in sci fi/fantasy for an easy paycheck. It's all pretty terrible, but it wasn't as painful as I expected. However, this is entirely due to the nostalgia factor--I'm pretty sure there's a slap bracelet in my parent's basement showing the Vanilla Ice scenes.

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  26. America Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

    Thanks to Junesploitation I have now seen two American Ninja movies, so the bucket list is coming along nicely. What can you say about this? It's obviously dumb, but just about fun enough. Steve James and Larry Poindexter (who seems to have been in all the TV series') are good value but it is really an excuse for a nice holiday. Basically it is the To Catch a Thief of American Ninja movies. It is also infinitely better that number 5.

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  27. The Wolverine (2013)
    -Unrated version

    Logan in Japan vs ninjas, the yakuza and samurai.
    There is a great sequence that takes place in what is essentially Ninja Town. In this scene, Wolverine fights a ton of ninjas. There are so many ninjas, it might be where the worlds supply of ninjas hang out.
    Ninjas with swords, ninjas with bows, ninjas on motorcycles.
    Only in the unrated cut can you see the real highlight of ninja town: Logan's sidekick, Yukio, mows down ninjas with a snow plow and literally paints the town red.

    Excelsior!

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    1. Have to revisit the movie sometime!! I think the unrated version is the here in Europe called extended version!

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    2. I'm gonna be watching the unrated cut of this later myself.

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  28. NINJA KOMMANDO
    a.k.a
    NINJA IN THE DRAGON'S DEN
    (1982, Yuen Kuei a.k.a Corey Yuen)

    By the friendly recommendation of my dear friend Fred (check out his Amazon.de-purchases-review on his great YouTube channel "Schmollywood Babylon"), I picked this old and almost forgotten Ninja-classic!!

    First of all: the intro-song!!!!
    Daaamn, that song is so cheesy, so catchy, so freakin' awesome!!!!!!
    I must have this song!!!!!!
    Imagine you're on your daily way to your job and the MP3-player or car-radio is playing:

    "...Ready to fight
    *boom-shakka*
    and ready to kill...
    and then you're ready to die...
    Ready to daaa-iee...!!!!!!!"

    Priceless!!!!!!!!!!
    I hope I'll find this song anywhere someday!!

    The movie begins with the song and a bunch of ninjas doing super-cool action and stealth-stuff!!!
    (You see, after only two minutes my ninja-heart is already on fire!!!!)
    The first 30 minutes NINJA KOMMANDO is a Chinese Kung-Fu-comedy-eastern with great fights and stunts.... and then the ninja assassin appears!!!
    Super-cool Kung-Fu-hero, played by the skilled and adorable but unfortunately underrated Conan Lee, a super awesome and stealthy ninja assassin from Japan, played by the young and also (surprisingly) skilled Hiroyuki Sanada, ninjas, fights, stunts, action, directed by the legendary Corey Yuen, whose movies are worth to watch anyway!!!
    The picture quality of the German Blu-Ray is great!! It isn't remastered, but very sharp for an old movie like this!!!!
    Great entertainment!!!
    The German Blu-Ray is a must-buy for every European ninja-movie-fan!!!!

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  29. Master Ninja aka The Master (1984) Dug through my old VHS tapes and found the MST3K episode with this I recorded off t.v. and man what a trip. Lee Van Cleef as a Ninja, Joel and the Bots, and an old VHS with bad tracking; I think that's the way it's meant to be viewed.

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  30. I wanted to watch something I hadn't seen today, but I have started and stopped four different ninja movies and the horrible picture/sound quality of all four forced me to bail. So fuck it. I'm putting in my Blu-ray of Ninja III and cracking open a V8.

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  31. Ninja II: Shadow of a Tear (2013)
    Ninja I was just the setup. More fights, great choreography, Scott Adkins kickin' ass. This comes even closer to feeling like an old Cannon ninja film. A general who tortures Adkins at one point in the story is the judge, jury, and executioner from Only God Forgives. That was a nice surprise.
    Lesson learned: when your girl asks you to go to the market for chocolate and seaweed, say no.
    Does anyone else think Scott Adkins looks a whole hell of a lot like Ray Park?

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    1. *Lesson learned: when your girl asks you to go to the market in the middle of the night for chocolate and seaweed, say no.

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  32. Ninja: Shadow of a Tear (2013)

    I really enjoyed this movie, and I thought it got stronger as it went on. It blows up the story and action to wonderfully crazy levels. The way the fights are shot and edited give the movie a great energy that really kept me engaged all the way through. And that last fight was super enjoyable. Definitely the most recent ninja movie I've seen and really one of the best.

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  33. Ninja Scroll (1993) - Hulu Plus

    I don't have much anime experience aside from the cartoons of my childhood (Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z). I found most of this film fairly convoluted, but oddly captivating. The final battle sequence is ridiculously awesome. I'm not going to spend much time searching for any thematic meaning- it's a ninja movie- but it was very entertaining.

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  34. Yakuza vs Ninja (2013)

    So I decided to search "ninja" on Amazon prime and this is what I picked. Wow did I make a mistake. Luckily it was only 1hr13min.

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  35. The Beast and the Magic Sword (1983, dir. Paul Naschy)

    This was my first-ever Paul Naschy movie and I kind of loved it. As a ninja movie it's a fail. There's probably about a minute's worth of ninja action in it, though that minute does include a topless female ninja trying to ice a guy in a hot spring. As a samurai-meets-werewolf picture, though, it was totally ace. A Spanish-Japanese co-production that really does all it can to represent both cultures equally. Ol' Waldemar Daninsky is in fuedal Japan this time, trying to lose his wolfman curse by finding an ancient sorceress. Instead of helping him, she makes him fight a real tiger; I think this scene is at least the equal of Zombi's zombie vs. shark scene. The movie really shoots for a Hammer-esque classiness, and is thusly a little slow; but the climax has samurai zombies, and that counts for a lot. A villagers-tear-an-unborn-baby-out-of-her-mother scene that comes out of nowhere also made a real impression. No trailer, so here's a clip.

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  36. American Ninja 2

    I watched this one along with Brad L and Scott Mcharg today. I was so please send with how much more audacious and fun this movie is than the first installment. This movie has probably been reviewed 9 times this month so I will move on to talking about Steve James. He is fun and charismatic throughout the American Ninja films while standing next to dead weight Dudikoff. James even appears to be doing most of his stunts while Dudikoff has stand ins for jump kicks etc. factor in that Steve was Kung Fu Joe, a Baseball Fury and in the fucking Exterminator I feel his passing without ever having a starring vehicle (correct me if I'm wrong) is a pretty big loss to action/genre fans. I'm pouring some out for Steve as I look for a Christopher Lee flick tonight.

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    1. I need to stop writing reviews on my phone.

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    2. Steve was also kickass in a small role in To Live And Die In L.A.
      He was damn cool.

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    3. I don't specifically remember his part. Guess it's time to watch it again. Thanks Albert!

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  37. Jurassic World (IMAX 3D) (2015)

    Raptors are the original ninjas right?

    I know, I know, it's a cheat to even put this here so I won't say much - it's pretty bonkers. I mean, if you thought the Chris Pratt Raptor Pack (my new band) looked a little strange, that's just the beginning of a third act that's a genetically engineered hybrid of stupid and hilarious.

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    1. They just announced the sequel JURASSIC WORLD 2: NINJA RAPTORS!!!

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    2. The exploitation possibilities are endless.

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  38. THE WOLVERINE (2013) UNRATED CUT
    As Kyle said above, there's a seriously awesome ninja scene contained therein.

    I think this flick is very, very underrated. As is director James Mangold.

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  39. Ninja: Shadow of a Tear (2013)

    I have to admit I wasn't super stoked about this category, since Ninjas aren't really my thing. I have to admit, this one is pretty badass. Scott Adkins kicks some major ass, and the fight choreography is top notch. One complaint: the main villain(s) use a weapon that's basically a piece of razor wire, which is constricted around the neck, causing apparently instantaneous death. Obviously Adkins is going to use this weapon at the very end to take out the bad guy. When it happens, it's kind of a dud. He kind of just yanks on it, and the baddie dies and falls limply to the ground. If this item is wrapped around the neck and yanked very hard, the head should come off! Why didn't the head(s) come off?! Anyways...not bad! Thanks for the recommendation guys! Also, the worst (best?) subtitle ever.

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  40. American Ninja (1985)

    As a big hard action fan I often wondered why I never saw any of the American Ninja movies as a kid. I'll never know what the kid version of me would have thought, but the adult version thinks it stinks. I'd forgive the crappy action and poor excuse for martial arts in this movie if Michael Dudikoff had any charisma...or acting skills....or martial arts skills. But he doesn't. In fact the most enjoyable thing about Michael Dudikoff is saying Michael Dudikoff.

    Michael Dudikoff.

    Why do I get the feeling I'll still end up watching the sequels??

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    1. Dudikoff is a block of wood, but Steve James looking like he's having the time of his life make sup for a lot of it.

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    2. You're right Joseph...Steve James is far and away the best thing about this movie. Plus he has a bazooka at the end. Always a win.

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    3. Hit the nail on the head Grant. My childhood love was obviously based on the fun of sayin Dudikoff.

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  41. American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

    Completely silly, the Super Ninjas are far less than super and has most of the '80s movie cliches you love. A hell of a lot of silly fun if you're in the right mood for it. (Plus, Steve James looks like he's having an absolute blast in it.)

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  42. There's a sociology paper just begging to be written about Revenge of the Ninja. Everyone in the movie who isn't Japanese either is a caricature, stereotype, wants to be or becomes a ninja, looks up to Sho with respect and admiration, or mocks him and gets schooled.

    And one last thing... Ashley Ferrare, I love you.

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  43. Five Element Ninjas (Cheh Chang, 1982)

    Compared to what Tsui Hark was doing around the same time the flat, even lighting and phoned-in costume/production design of this late Shaw Bros. picture feel absolutely archaic. But it's also almost wall-to-wall action, most of it pretty badass.

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  44. Ninja Academy (1989) (first time viewing)

    I feel like I should not have liked this Police Academy knock-off at all, but a small part of me enjoyed it a little. There's a nudist colony, throwing stars to the nuts, a 007 wannabe, a Clint Eastwood wannabe, a mime, and several other caricatures. I almost feel wrong for saying this, but the mime's antics actually made me chuckle the most because it was so absurd. The jokes are so obvious and yet I enjoyed it on a cheese factor level, but recognize that it is NOT a good movie, so I'm not sure whether to recommend or not.

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  45. Ninja III: The Domination (1984, dir. Sam Firstenberg)

    My feelings about this movie are already well-documented on this site. I love it. Cannon's desire to smash together as many crowd-pleasing '80s elements as possible endears them to me more than I can say. People like ninjas? And video games? And Flashdance? Why can't they all be in the same movie? I like to watch this one and pretend it's actually the sequel to Electric Boogaloo. Kelly has become an aerobics instructor and is possessed by a ninja. There's another unproduced spinoff in which Ozone becomes a Terminator.

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  46. Ninja II: Shadow of a Tear (2013)

    It's entertaining. The fighting (choreography, editing, and cinematography) is great. That's really the only reason to see it, otherwise, there is not much there.

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