New York Ripper (1982)Duck voiced killer? Fuckin love you Fulci.
Constantine (2005)Peter Stormare as Lucifer. F'ing perfect casting!
Strippers vs Werewolves (2012)Turns out "just because" isn't good enough.
Richard Donner's THE OMEN (1976, Blu-ray)."Final Destination" sure was different back then.
HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II (1988, Netflix Instant).For Julia beauty's only muscle-tissue deep.
Friday the 13th 2009 extended cut Typical Bayification Remake, Pretty actors being killed
Anthony Hickox's HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH (1992, Netflix Instant).'OMG, they killed ["Gremlin's"] Billy! You bastards!'
John Carpenter's THE THING (1982, HD-DVD).Why doesn't MacReady hibernate inside giant hat?
The Sentinel (1977)Clearly a "Winner" only by director`s name
Black X-Mas (2006)10/10 lumps of coal. Regift it! LCJ
The Entity (1982)Ghostly rape never again played that well
Nightmare on Elm Street 5: Dream Child (1989)Can't any of you jerks stay awake?
It Follows (2014)In my day, we just got gonorrhea.
Cooties (2015)Alison Pill's the SexBob-omb of this movie.
Kwaidan (1964)Afraid to look into my tea now.orI hope ghosts don't take my ears.
Eaten Alive (1977)Judd is a bad pet owner/hotelier.
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)There's the mask we know and love.orMiner really loves the "Previously on..." bit.
Freddy's Dead: The Final NightmareEven Tom and Rosanne couldn't save this.
The Hitcher (1986)Evil Dead II but with more cars.
Dracula (1931)There are far worse things than death
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)So many palm trees in Springwood, OH.
Hellraiser (1987) Are these the secrets Garak was hiding?
The Ladies of the House (2014)When following a stripper home ends badly.
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)Did everybody have bad knees back then?orDon't pay the monkey; it does nothing.
Firestarter (1984)It's part Carrie, part Scanners, still forgettable.
The Brood (1979)External uterus becomes a major plot device.
Satan's Little Helper (2004)Video games destroy soul/make you stupid.
The Mummy (1959)Speechless shape slowly stalks and kills. Slasher?
Wishmaster 1997 Kurtzman wished for many famous Horror Cameo's
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) Advanced psychotherapy through wearing somebody else's skin.
April Fool's Day (1986): Urgh, why was that so fucking boring?
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988): My friend's nana killed Freddie, I'm next!
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988): Quiet, Loony Loomis! ... Crap, he's right again.
Dreamhome (2010)Makes Dream House look like Citizen Kane.
CreepI won't make the obvious Radiohead joke.
Bait 3D (2012)Avoid the fresh fish on aisle nine.
Gone Girl (2014)Lets face it... marriage is pretty scary.
Wishmaster 2 Evil Never Dies 1999 Andrew Divoff's Lipless smile gives me chills
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992) Aww, iTunes makes CD cenobite feel irrelevant.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers(1989): To do: one woman revisioning of this.
Brides of Blood (1968)Atomic Filipino rapist vs. burlesque dancer. Nice!
Yakuza Apocalypse (2015)Outstanding Romero-style economic fable with monsters.
Daughter of Horror (1955)Ed McMahon narrates excellent silent psycho noir.
Satan's Little Helper (2004)Dead cat is mightier than the sword.
The Final Girls (2015)Would Jack Slater survive until the sequel?
TriangleFeels like I've seen this somewhere before?
Don't Be Afraid of the Dartk (2010)I've actually watched this twice now....balls
Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996) That's one pin for every plot hole.
Great movie: Poltergeist (1982)This house is clean - aha, yeah right...
Nosferatu (1922)Tough to be vampire's real estate agent.
Fire in the Sky (1993)The T-1000 is not a good lumberjack.
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000) Wanted a Hellraiser movie, got police procedural.
Silent Scream (1979)The quintessential promo video for on-campus housing.
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)My feelings? Please see Ebert's "North" review.
Curse of Chucky (2013)Those one liners need some work, Chuck.
The Invoking 2 (2015) Dirs. (6 for this?!) Jamie DeWolf, Jay Holben, Corey Norman, Adam O'Brien, Patrick Rea, Jamie RootThis Invoked both eyeballs from staying awake.
Hausu (1977)What the hell did I just watch?
Galaxy of Terror (1981)Only bad if you're alone and sober
The Omen (1976) dir. Richard DonnerThe Antichrist's birth causes questionable sound mix.
Monster Brawl (2011)Canadian government partially pays for monster Wrestlemania.
Session 9 (2001)David Caruso raped me outside a Wendy's.
Curtains (1983)This movie was made by crazy people.
The Thing (1982) Paranoia. Intense. Intense. Intense. Intense. Intense. Amazing.
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002) Terrible, and only halfway through this series.
The Ring (2002)Why has this Gore Verbinski left us!
Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (2015)Sub-Cambell and Sub-Knightley in surprisingly original film.
Tales from the Crypt [S05E01] - Death of Some Salesmen (1993)Clan of Tim Currys suffer no shysters.
Late Phases (2014)Is this the opposite of Teen Wolf?
Prisoner of the Cannibal God (1978)Sorry Ursula Stacy Keach ain't even Lazenby.
Revenge of the Boogeyman (1983)More padding than a Judd Apatow film.
The Slayer (1982)Is it a dream? No a Muppet.
Creep (2014)Josef's video collection really needs some diversifying.
Tales from the Crypt [S05E05] - People Who Live in Brass Hearses (1993)Bill Paxton dominates, eats sticks of butter.
Terror Eyes (1981)Rachel Ward can decapitate me any day.
The Toolbox Murders (1978)How'd you spell Oscar Mayer? C A M E R O N M I T C H E L L.
Knock, Knock (2015)Part Good. Part Meh. All Ms. Armas.
Hellraiser: Deader (2005) Enjoyed it, until it became stupidly convoluted.
Castle Freak (1995) Dir. Stuart GordonUnderwhelming for Gordon's standards. still, liked it.
The Walking Dead Season 6 Premiere (2015 )Ethan should have turned the other cheek.
The Blob (1988)Dillons hair is the real villain here.
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005) The Halloween: Resurrection of the Hellraiser franchise.
Zombeavers (2014)Wait, there's a mammal also called "beaver"?
Angel Heart (1987)DeNiro is not in the same movie.
Starry Eyes (2014)And they say that scientologists run Hollywood . . . .
Sisters (1973) Needs a little bit more Psycho homages.
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)Freddy Krueger by way of Bruce Vilanch.
John Carpenter's The Thing (1982)Only the greatest horror film ever made.
Seven (1995)Sunday, Monday, happy days! Tuesday, Wednesday, murder!
Hellraiser: Revelations (2011) Yay, watched them all! (Last one's boring.)
Devil's Pass (2013)Stop! The portal makes you poorly rendered!
Grizzly (1976)Shots of bear attacking shots of people.
Grizzly Redux (2005)Minimal additions from genius Damon Packard disappoint.
The New York Ripper (1982)Without the duck voice, nobody'd remember this.
Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood (1996)Sarcastic dick meets underpants model; everything sucks.
Hard to Die (1990)Robyn Harris, lingerie, machine gun, possession, perfection.
The Final Girls (2015)It's Back to the Pleasantville the 13th!
New York Ripper (1982)
ReplyDeleteDuck voiced killer? Fuckin love you Fulci.
Constantine (2005)
ReplyDeletePeter Stormare as Lucifer. F'ing perfect casting!
Strippers vs Werewolves (2012)
ReplyDeleteTurns out "just because" isn't good enough.
Richard Donner's THE OMEN (1976, Blu-ray).
ReplyDelete"Final Destination" sure was different back then.
HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II (1988, Netflix Instant).
ReplyDeleteFor Julia beauty's only muscle-tissue deep.
Friday the 13th 2009 extended cut
ReplyDeleteTypical Bayification Remake, Pretty actors being killed
Anthony Hickox's HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH (1992, Netflix Instant).
ReplyDelete'OMG, they killed ["Gremlin's"] Billy! You bastards!'
John Carpenter's THE THING (1982, HD-DVD).
ReplyDeleteWhy doesn't MacReady hibernate inside giant hat?
The Sentinel (1977)
ReplyDeleteClearly a "Winner" only by director`s name
Black X-Mas (2006)
ReplyDelete10/10 lumps of coal. Regift it! LCJ
The Entity (1982)
ReplyDeleteGhostly rape never again played that well
Nightmare on Elm Street 5: Dream Child (1989)
ReplyDeleteCan't any of you jerks stay awake?
It Follows (2014)
ReplyDeleteIn my day, we just got gonorrhea.
Cooties (2015)
ReplyDeleteAlison Pill's the SexBob-omb of this movie.
Kwaidan (1964)
ReplyDeleteAfraid to look into my tea now.
or
I hope ghosts don't take my ears.
Eaten Alive (1977)
ReplyDeleteJudd is a bad pet owner/hotelier.
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
ReplyDeleteThere's the mask we know and love.
or
Miner really loves the "Previously on..." bit.
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
ReplyDeleteEven Tom and Rosanne couldn't save this.
The Hitcher (1986)
ReplyDeleteEvil Dead II but with more cars.
Dracula (1931)
ReplyDeleteThere are far worse things than death
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
ReplyDeleteSo many palm trees in Springwood, OH.
Hellraiser (1987)
ReplyDeleteAre these the secrets Garak was hiding?
The Ladies of the House (2014)
ReplyDeleteWhen following a stripper home ends badly.
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)
ReplyDeleteDid everybody have bad knees back then?
or
Don't pay the monkey; it does nothing.
Firestarter (1984)
ReplyDeleteIt's part Carrie, part Scanners, still forgettable.
The Brood (1979)
ReplyDeleteExternal uterus becomes a major plot device.
Satan's Little Helper (2004)
ReplyDeleteVideo games destroy soul/make you stupid.
The Mummy (1959)
ReplyDeleteSpeechless shape slowly stalks and kills. Slasher?
Wishmaster 1997
ReplyDeleteKurtzman wished for many famous Horror Cameo's
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
ReplyDeleteAdvanced psychotherapy through wearing somebody else's skin.
April Fool's Day (1986): Urgh, why was that so fucking boring?
ReplyDeleteA Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988): My friend's nana killed Freddie, I'm next!
ReplyDeleteHalloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988): Quiet, Loony Loomis! ... Crap, he's right again.
ReplyDeleteDreamhome (2010)
ReplyDeleteMakes Dream House look like Citizen Kane.
Creep
ReplyDeleteI won't make the obvious Radiohead joke.
Bait 3D (2012)
ReplyDeleteAvoid the fresh fish on aisle nine.
Gone Girl (2014)
ReplyDeleteLets face it... marriage is pretty scary.
Wishmaster 2 Evil Never Dies 1999
ReplyDeleteAndrew Divoff's Lipless smile gives me chills
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
ReplyDeleteAww, iTunes makes CD cenobite feel irrelevant.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
ReplyDelete(1989): To do: one woman revisioning of this.
Brides of Blood (1968)
ReplyDeleteAtomic Filipino rapist vs. burlesque dancer. Nice!
Yakuza Apocalypse (2015)
ReplyDeleteOutstanding Romero-style economic fable with monsters.
Daughter of Horror (1955)
ReplyDeleteEd McMahon narrates excellent silent psycho noir.
Satan's Little Helper (2004)
ReplyDeleteDead cat is mightier than the sword.
The Final Girls (2015)
ReplyDeleteWould Jack Slater survive until the sequel?
Triangle
ReplyDeleteFeels like I've seen this somewhere before?
Don't Be Afraid of the Dartk (2010)
ReplyDeleteI've actually watched this twice now....balls
Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)
ReplyDeleteThat's one pin for every plot hole.
Great movie:
ReplyDeletePoltergeist (1982)
This house is clean - aha, yeah right...
Nosferatu (1922)
ReplyDeleteTough to be vampire's real estate agent.
Fire in the Sky (1993)
ReplyDeleteThe T-1000 is not a good lumberjack.
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)
ReplyDeleteWanted a Hellraiser movie, got police procedural.
Silent Scream (1979)
ReplyDeleteThe quintessential promo video for on-campus housing.
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
ReplyDeleteMy feelings? Please see Ebert's "North" review.
Curse of Chucky (2013)
ReplyDeleteThose one liners need some work, Chuck.
The Invoking 2 (2015) Dirs. (6 for this?!) Jamie DeWolf, Jay Holben, Corey Norman, Adam O'Brien, Patrick Rea, Jamie Root
ReplyDeleteThis Invoked both eyeballs from staying awake.
Hausu (1977)
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell did I just watch?
Galaxy of Terror (1981)
ReplyDeleteOnly bad if you're alone and sober
The Omen (1976) dir. Richard Donner
ReplyDeleteThe Antichrist's birth causes questionable sound mix.
Monster Brawl (2011)
ReplyDeleteCanadian government partially pays for monster Wrestlemania.
Session 9 (2001)
ReplyDeleteDavid Caruso raped me outside a Wendy's.
Curtains (1983)
ReplyDeleteThis movie was made by crazy people.
The Thing (1982)
ReplyDeleteParanoia. Intense. Intense. Intense. Intense. Intense. Amazing.
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
ReplyDeleteTerrible, and only halfway through this series.
The Ring (2002)
ReplyDeleteWhy has this Gore Verbinski left us!
Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (2015)
ReplyDeleteSub-Cambell and Sub-Knightley in surprisingly original film.
Tales from the Crypt [S05E01] - Death of Some Salesmen (1993)
ReplyDeleteClan of Tim Currys suffer no shysters.
Late Phases (2014)
ReplyDeleteIs this the opposite of Teen Wolf?
Prisoner of the Cannibal God (1978)
ReplyDeleteSorry Ursula Stacy Keach ain't even Lazenby.
Revenge of the Boogeyman (1983)
ReplyDeleteMore padding than a Judd Apatow film.
The Slayer (1982)
ReplyDeleteIs it a dream? No a Muppet.
Creep (2014)
ReplyDeleteJosef's video collection really needs some diversifying.
Tales from the Crypt [S05E05] - People Who Live in Brass Hearses (1993)
ReplyDeleteBill Paxton dominates, eats sticks of butter.
Terror Eyes (1981)
ReplyDeleteRachel Ward can decapitate me any day.
The Toolbox Murders (1978)
ReplyDeleteHow'd you spell Oscar Mayer? C A M E R O N M I T C H E L L.
Knock, Knock (2015)
ReplyDeletePart Good. Part Meh. All Ms. Armas.
Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed it, until it became stupidly convoluted.
Castle Freak (1995) Dir. Stuart Gordon
ReplyDeleteUnderwhelming for Gordon's standards. still, liked it.
The Walking Dead Season 6 Premiere (2015 )
ReplyDeleteEthan should have turned the other cheek.
The Blob (1988)
ReplyDeleteDillons hair is the real villain here.
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)
ReplyDeleteThe Halloween: Resurrection of the Hellraiser franchise.
Zombeavers (2014)
ReplyDeleteWait, there's a mammal also called "beaver"?
Angel Heart (1987)
ReplyDeleteDeNiro is not in the same movie.
Starry Eyes (2014)
ReplyDeleteAnd they say that scientologists run Hollywood . . . .
Sisters (1973)
ReplyDeleteNeeds a little bit more Psycho homages.
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
ReplyDeleteFreddy Krueger by way of Bruce Vilanch.
John Carpenter's The Thing (1982)
ReplyDeleteOnly the greatest horror film ever made.
Seven (1995)
ReplyDeleteSunday, Monday, happy days! Tuesday, Wednesday, murder!
Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)
ReplyDeleteYay, watched them all! (Last one's boring.)
Devil's Pass (2013)
ReplyDeleteStop! The portal makes you poorly rendered!
Grizzly (1976)
ReplyDeleteShots of bear attacking shots of people.
Grizzly Redux (2005)
ReplyDeleteMinimal additions from genius Damon Packard disappoint.
The New York Ripper (1982)
ReplyDeleteWithout the duck voice, nobody'd remember this.
Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood (1996)
ReplyDeleteSarcastic dick meets underpants model; everything sucks.
Hard to Die (1990)
ReplyDeleteRobyn Harris, lingerie, machine gun, possession, perfection.
The Final Girls (2015)
ReplyDeleteIt's Back to the Pleasantville the 13th!