Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Riske Business: Thanksgiving Turkeys

by Adam Riske
Not all movies released during the Thanksgiving weekend are ones we should be thankful for. Here are five of the most disappointing.

Runners-Up: Back to the Future Part II, Junior, Money Train, Ninja Assassin, Rocky IV
5. Eight Crazy Nights – Thanks Adam Sandler for ruining whatever chance there was for future Hanukkah movies. I can’t believe I used to like this. Then again, it was college and I did drink a lot at the time.
4. The Haunted Mansion – I thought this one had a solid chance of being good because Disney turned another theme park ride, Pirates of the Caribbean, into a solid blockbuster. Again, I was wrong. Despite a really terrific production design, The Haunted Mansion is a textbook example of both how Disney and Eddie Murphy can have a habit of phoning it in.
3. End of Days – When I saw this movie, there was a line that went from the middle of the theater and snaked all the way to the far end of the theater. I was so excited. This was going to be an Arnold comeback vehicle and a cool foray into horror for the action star. It didn’t live up to that hype though as End of Days was ultimately more boring than suspenseful and dour instead of pulpy fun. With Gabriel Byrne as maybe the most blah devil ever put on film.
2. Alien: Resurrection – I recall watching and re-watching the HBO First Look (remember those?) for Alien: Resurrection and thinking it looked like the coolest movie since Starship Troopers (which came out about three weeks before Alien: Resurrection). Boy did Alien: Resurrection not live up to the hype. There was a lot at stake with this movie coming off the heels of Alien 3. Alien: Resurrection was either going to turn around the franchise or leave it as a mixed bag. The latter happened in a big way because Alien: Resurrection was pretty terrible. It turned a series with gravitas into camp.
1. Alexander – I’m, for the most part, a big defender of Oliver Stone movies. I think he’s a director to celebrate, someone willing to put their personal stamp on a movie whether it’s popular or not. My support only goes so far, though, and Alexander is one I simply can’t get behind. I remember being pretty interested in seeing this movie upon its initial release and then sitting in the theater awestruck at how bad it was. I walked out after about an hour and went in to see Christmas with the Kranks, which was only slightly better. Not a great day to be at the movies. To this day, Alexander stands as one of my most disappointing movie-going experiences of the 2000s. Nothing about it works.

Which Thanksgiving weekend releases of the past do you think were the biggest turkeys?

12 comments:

  1. Let me just say although I know its an insane, mess of a film.... I sure do enjoy Christmas with the Kranks.

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    1. It's my favorite bad Christmas movie. I understand where you're coming from.

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    2. Nice! Its up there for me with Santa Clause 2, which is provably worse. Ah, Tim Allen.

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    3. I kind of like that one too. I'm going to go hide in the corner.

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    4. The romance is so darn adorable! Yeah, I'll be in my corner as well...

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  3. I dont think Alien: Resurrection is bad at all. Sure, it doesnt come close to the first 2, but I think it is much better than the 3rd and far better than the AVP garbage that came later. It goes crazy places and I respect it for that.

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  4. What about the ultimate cut of Alexander on Netflix? Do you think it does enough to redeem the theatrical cut?

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  6. Other bad movies that were released on Thanksgiving include in no particular order: "Timeline", "Out Cold", "Nick of Time", "Three Men and a Little Lady", "The Pagemaster", "Yours, Mine and Ours", "Deck the Halls", "Four Christmases", "Old Dogs" and "Red Dawn" (2012).

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  7. Good call on Gabriel Byrne, I just remember him being very dull, I don't know what the real Devil looks like or acts like but Dull isent what I imagined!

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