by Patrick Bromley
The Five Deadly Venoms (1978, dir. Cheh Chang) or Five Elements Ninjas (1982, dir. Cheh Chang) or Invincible Shaolin (1978, dir. Cheh Chang) or Five Shaolin Masters (1974, dir. Cheh Chang). I'll be honest -- I've only seen one of those four titles, but you better believe I will have seen a few more by the end of Kung fu day.
Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead (2014, dir. Tommy Wirkola) -- which also works for Nazi day -- or Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (2015, dir. Kiah Roache-Turner), one of the most fun zombie movies to come along in a while. Too bad we don't have an Ozploitation category this year.
Re-Animator (1985, dir. Stuart Gordon), which gives Barbara Crampton one of her earliest and best roles, or Cujo (1983, dir. Lewis Teague) starring Dee Wallace.
Drive Hard (2014, dir. Brian Trenchard-Smith) is a ridiculous movie about John Cusack and Thomas Jane trapped in a car together directed by one of the all-time greats of exploitation cinema. The movie is not great, but you could do worse.
The Warriors (1979, dir. Walter Hill). It will make your life better no matter how many times you've seen it.
Zoombies (2015, dir. Glenn Miller) that I haven't seen (and might not see), but it's about killer animals and certainly fits the bill for today. Or you could watch Cujo again.
American Pie and Van Wilder and Bachelor Party and Revenge of the Nerds; not surprisingly, none of the originals can be found. I guess you can watch Basic Instinct or Bound, but not the great one from the Wachowskis. This is like the Asylum version of Fifty Shades of Grey, recommended only for those who want to see Charisma Carpenter erotically dominated. There's always Gaspar Noe's Love if you want your pretentious French art film fix, but that movie has hardcore scenes, so be warned.