Thursday, September 22, 2016

Riske Business: Soundtracks I'm Embarrassed I Owned

by Adam Riske
Don’t look at me.

1. Home Alone
In my youth I used to spend my allowance on soundtracks or, better yet, get them as presents. Ironically, during Chanukah 1990, I asked for the decidedly Christmas-themed Home Alone soundtrack as one of my presents. There were two reasons I owned the Home Alone soundtrack: 1) I used to want soundtracks to movies I liked regardless if they were just scores and 2) the cassette tape’s cover art was super cool (based on one of the film’s theatrical posters) and for that reason alone I had to have it. I remember being sort of disappointed once I got the tape because outside of the main theme it’s sort of a weird listen without the movie accompaniment. My clearest memory of owning this soundtrack, though, was playing it on the tape deck in my bedroom while I feverishly worked on shit at my desk, whether that be writing lists, drawing or giving up on model kits because they were too difficult.

2. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
The soundtrack for T2 was the first CD that I owned. I bought it because I wanted the song “You Could Be Mine” in the highest quality. My cassette single wasn’t good enough. Shockingly (but not shockingly because I should have read the track listing on the back of the CD) “You Could Be Mine” was NOT ON THE SOUNDTRACK! Instead it was all orchestral music composed for the film. When I got the CD I remember asking my dad if I could listen to it on his CD player. He said sure, but also that he was not going to stay in the room with me as I listened to it. Neither did my mom or my sister. So I sat in my family room, by myself, for like an hour and listened to the soundtrack doing nothing but just staring out into space and remembering Judgment Day. I’m pretty sure I only spun that disc once.

3. Sliver
I don’t think I ever told anyone this before, but I was obsessed with Sharon Stone when I was 10 years old. I was like “that woman IS SEX!” I barely knew what sex was back in 5th grade but I was pretty sure I wanted it and Sharon Stone was my key to getting it. Buying the Sliver soundtrack was my logic telling me that owning it would take me closer to this goal. So in many ways, this was the original Boner Jamz of my lifetime. I listened to some of the album tonight to refresh my memory and I can’t believe I had this at such a young age. It’s very Kama Sutra-y. This is the type of shit you listen to as you walk through a beaded doorway into a bedroom with lit candles.

4. The Flintstones
Remember how horrible that song by the BC-52’s was? You should listen to the deep tracks on this piece of shit. It will have you begging for that single. I bought this tape because I was super pumped for The Flintstones movie and got it before the film’s opening weekend. You should never do that. I had almost immediate buyer’s remorse.

5. Step Up 2 The Streets
I own this soundtrack despite never having even seen this movie. I remember seeing the trailer to this film and thinking “Ooooooh! That’s a hot soundtrack!” So I bought it. One day I was jamming to it in my car and got a call on my cell phone. I put it on speaker and my friend Tim says “are you listening to the Step Up 2 soundtrack?” I was embarrassed and was all “No!” I never thought at the time “Why does HE know that I’m listening to the Step Up 2 soundtrack?” And I was on a deep track, too, so it wasn’t like he recognized a single or something. Did everyone secretly own this?

Your turn! What soundtracks are you embarrassed you owned?


  1. Kind of similar to your T2 story, I bought the Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me CD mainly for Quincy Jones's Soul Bossa Nova, only to find there's only a crappy remix of it on there.

    Also bought Batman Forever's soundtrack because I liked the U2 song, but I still like it and I'm not embarrassed about it one bit.

    When I was in my nu-metal phase, though I didn't own it, I loved Rocket Science by The Pimps from Mission Impossible 2's soundtrack. Now I listen to it again, I kinda still like it.

    1. Come on, we all really know you bought the Mission Impossible 2 soundtrack for the Limp Bizkit song. It's okay man ;)

      I did and still do love that Metallica song on there.

    2. I never owned it, but a friend of mine did. And I did like the Limp Bizkit theme, especially the instrumental version, but Rocket Science I really loved.

    3. I'm not a metal guy whatsoever - I doubt I could name five metal albums - but I think Metallica's M-I:2 song I Disappear is pretty badass. And I love the Hans Zimmer score.

  2. You probaly already done it, but i'd be curious to see the movies you're embarrased you own (or owned)

  3. Oh my God...the fact that you have a Home Alone cassette tape officially solidifies your coolness. That's an antique!

  4. The closest I come to ashamed is when I look at my CD of "Beavis and Butthead Do America." But I bought that for Red Hot Chili Peppers' cover of "Love Rollercoaster," which is well worth owning. And where else could I find Englebert Humperdinck's "Lesbian Seagull"? So maybe I'm not that ashamed after all.

  5. I had the soundtrack for the original TMNT movie which felt pretty cool when I was 11, but thinking back to the actual music now (what I remember of it) it was probably incredibly bad. I'm not going to listen to it now to find out.

    I had the score for Willow on cassette although I feel like that got lost at some point fairly rapidly to the disappointment of nobody in my family I'm sure.

    Also had the Goonies soundtrack because of that two part Cyndi Lauper video with Captain Lou Albano (God rest his soul). Not even the Bangles could save the rest of the album.

    I'm only marginally embarrassed about owning the Spawn soundtrack since it was better than the movie.

    Overall I could have been a lot worse I guess. I didn't tend to spend a lot of money on music as a kid unless it was Weird Al (everyone else in my family had good music so I'd just play their stuff). I do recall a that when I'd be in the music section of a store though I'd spend a lot of time looking through the soundtrack sections.

    I'm sure if I hadn't seen the videos for City of Crime or Blaze of Glory on MTV a hundred times each I probably would have picked up the Dragnet and Young Guns II soundtracks. These days I have to settle for playing the bass on Blaze of Glory in the video game Rocksmith (like Guitar Hero but using actual instruments).

  6. Also, while you own the soundtrack to Step Up 2, I've actually sat through every Step Up movie. Worse, I actually kinda enjoy them for what they are.

  7. Battlestar Galactica. Not the reboot, but rather the one that practically screams "1970s!" at the top of its lungs. I'm counting it because an edited version of the pilot episode was released theatrically, but the real reason I bought the damn thing was to hear the title music for the tv show. Which of course is nowhere to be found on the album.

    Oh, and how DARE they put out a Skyfall album that doesn't include the title song? Just sayin'.

    1. I don´t know the TV show, but are there differences between the main title of the movie and the title theme of the show?
      Here in Europe Universal released 3 Galactica movies edited from the series, the first two in ear shattering Sensurround which I loved.

  8. When I was 12 my stupid sister got to go to the States (that's what we call you) for a wedding with mom and I stayed home with dad - as a consolation prize I got my first CD playing boom box complete with my first 2 CDs: Weird Al's "Fat" (yaassss) and the Boomerang soundtrack (WTFFFFF). In hindsight, probably not a terrible soundtrack but needless to say it wasn't how 12-year-old Sol showed off his new CD player to his buds.

  9. I feel no embarrassment by any soundtracks I own. I did buy the Cable Guy soundtrack not for Filter's "Hey Man, Nice Shot", but for Jim Carrey's freak out on Jefferson Airplane's "Somebody to Love." Which is great in the movie but terrible to listen to on it's own. The album is all B and C grade 90's music (Silverchair, Porno for Pyros and Primitive Radio Gods). All of it nostalgic except for that horrible Jim Carrey song.

    And I also bought Last Action Hero for the last gasp of mainstream Heavy Metal before Grunge killed it. It features mediocre Megadeth, Anthrax and Def Leppard songs. But really I got it for AC/DCs brilliant "Big Gun." Which is a perfect distillation of the movie. And okay, yeah I am embarrassed to admit to liking Tesla's oh so 80's sounding "Last Action Hero."